Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-06-12 06:50 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-06-12 06:50 pm
[ SECRET POST #1988 ]
⌈ Secret Post #1988 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
01.
__________________________________________________
02.
__________________________________________________
03.
__________________________________________________
04.
__________________________________________________
05.
__________________________________________________
06.
__________________________________________________
07.
__________________________________________________
08.
__________________________________________________
09.
__________________________________________________
10.
__________________________________________________
11.
__________________________________________________
12.
__________________________________________________
13.
__________________________________________________
14.
__________________________________________________
15.
__________________________________________________
16.
__________________________________________________
17.
__________________________________________________
18.
__________________________________________________
19.
__________________________________________________
20.
__________________________________________________
21.
__________________________________________________
22.
__________________________________________________
Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 071 secrets from Secret Submission Post #284.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: I hope this is okay?
(Anonymous) 2012-06-21 10:09 am (UTC)(link)Read Art and Fear (http://www.amazon.com/Art-Fear-Observations-Rewards-Artmaking/dp/0961454733). It's not going to solve your problem over you being a dick to yourself, not any more than it's going to solve my problem of me being a dick to myself. But it will push you to a better direction.
I'm pretty conflicted. I can remember being 16 and for the first time I realised that there are so many people so much younger than me and so much better. I got into a slump, and I just felt I didn't deserve to draw because all the 13/14/15 year olds are better anyway. This is possibly the biggest regret of my life, because now at age of 26, I am suckier than most 13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24/25 year olds who continued with their art, and some of them weren't better than me ten years ago!
I think, all those comments about "well if they are younger, more technical but don't have soul then they suck" is really harmful. It buys into the same bullshit of there's only so much space for the spot of "worthiness" and the only question is who gets that spot. Beside actually entering art competitions or something, this kind of limitation, and this kind of compliment based on putting down others, don't help anyone in the long run. It just encourages further pulling perceived competitors down rather than elevating ourselves up.
I found fandom!art sphere is one of the weirdest places with feedbacks. The most likely scenario is that you are ignored. When you are not, you either get the extreme of OH WHOA YOU JUST DREW A STICKFIGURE AREN'T YOU AMAZING GUSH GUSH GUSH or anything and everything you do are wrong and you should kill yourself because your hands is a size too small. I don't know which is worse.
I found the culture of Fuckyeahartstudentowl memes horrendous. I find the entire internet culture of learning via mockery and humiliation appalling. Sometimes I think the "u suck anatomy lol" is the crutch of poor critics, only second to the learning via false flattery and the "u marry me u amazing anatomy" critics. It's not going away any time soon.
On the topic of anatomy, coming from a science background, the art world disheartens me. Science has the reputation of being inhumane and impersonal, but it is where the celebration of diversity happens. Appendix can be point up or down, can be as long as something that goes almost to your armpit or below right into the pelvis. Your transverse colon can be a taught line, or it can be loose and hanging all the way down. And it's okay! It doesn't make you invalid or wrong, it's just that you are different to the person left and right of you. In art, you are either 7 head body or you are an abomination who shouldn't exist. I once modelled for a character base, and I got ripped to pieces for being five foot tall. In art, I learned that I am too wrong to be presentable.
My style isn't "trendy". I enjoy my animu stuff, and I get constantly hated over it. Meanwhile I'm praised for the easiest, least challenge, most mind bogglingly sterile, unworthy landscapes because those are apparently "acceptable". Fuck that. I still try to do what actually challenges me and inspire me, I just hardly ever post anything.
The problem with doing things that challenges me and isn't completely sterile though, is that I hate myself when I do it. I love the act of drawing, it puts me in the state of happiness that nothing else I have ever done in my life could compare. This lasts for as long as I see what I have done, then I just want to push myself off a bridge. It's a permanent struggle of the compulsion to draw and the disgust of my inability of doing it to my own standard. My Twitter feed is actively unreadable when I'm drawing, it turns me into a public nuisance.
When I do, sometimes people like them. It's incomprehensible to me. Then I remembered that they don't know what I am aiming for, and they don't know what I hoped to achieve. Maybe pulling an elephant out of a purse is impressive, but it means nothing to me when I was aiming for a house key.
So, tl;dr- it's been fun and I don't know what to do either.