Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-07-22 03:13 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-07-22 03:13 pm
[ SECRET POST #2028 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2028 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 107 secrets from Secret Submission Post #290.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 3 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
sit down, this is gonna be a long one
(Anonymous) 2012-07-23 04:38 am (UTC)(link)First of all, it sounds like you're falling in to a bit of a depression. Even if you haven't recognized that for what it is yet it's good that you're reaching out for help! Even if it is on fandomsecrets! I've gotta say I really disagree with a lot of the negative commentary here... If you're seeking fandom as an escape from feeling bad then making you feel worse about yourself when you reach out to people isn't going to help anything! I'm not saying that the people here who are implying that they think it should be easy for you to help yourself out of this or who are making you feel more pathetic between the lines don't have opinions that are not worth listening to, but I would take them with a grain of salt... It's likely that these people either have never experienced any sort of serious anxiety/depression, or are just very ignorant about how real and difficult these issues are. Personally I think they could be a little more understanding.
Now lets talk about spirals. It sounds like you have a bit of a cycle going on here: you get addicted to fandom, you neglect the rest of your life, you feel bad about how your IRL life is suffering form neglect and then you seek more fandom as an escapism. Right now you probably feel like you have two go-to emotions. The sort of fuzzy "happy" feeling you get when you're online, and then the extreme guilt and helplessness you feel when you go offline and things aren't going your way. Is this sounding familiar?
It sounds to me like you have a bit of a, as I call it, "downward spirar" going on here. It may have started small but now its just getting worse and worse and has been lasting for years!
But here's the thing anon.
Feeling happier and more content also happens in spirals. I guess we'd call them "upward spirals."
And like the comments above said, these spirals also start in baby steps.
As for my personal experiences. I don't have nearly the same problem as you do. But I recognize all your stages of spiraling from my own experiences with school. Basically I have a bunch of learning disabilities that have caused me to drop out of school. I have spent months struggling with borderline-suicidal depression and school-related anxiety issues. And ended up taking time off from school entirely because of it, which has been very difficult, because my entire self-identity is related to academics and I can't see myself doing any other thing in life than learning things.
Here's the thing though anon, and I don't want it to come off as too much of a cold hard truth but... Over the past few years I have had several depression periods, intermixed with periods in which my life was going well and I was "spiralling upwards" and achieving things and feeling better and more on top. What I'm trying to say is, you're about to enter a struggle for a balanced and content life. (And remember that "being content" means lots of different things for different people! A state of being in which you are content can absolutely still include fandom things! Its just that for you obviously too much is a bad thing here... Which is also okay! The balance is different for everyone!) Now you could see this struggle as a "war," and a war is made up of battles. You're going to loose some of these battles and you're going to win some. THERE WILL BE SETBACKS. The trick is learning to recognize patterns, learning from your mistakes, learning to love yourself, and never. Giving. Up.
I read (I think on tumblr) the other day about this:
It's not going to be easy.
But its going to be worth it.
Finally anon, I'd like to tell you: You. Are. Not. Fucking. Alone. EVERYONE goes through this. Everyone has set backs. Its ok to be discontent with your life. Everyone is sometimes. Some more than others. Some seek professional help, some don't. Some have medical diagnoses, others are just struggling because they are but NONE of these facts make your problems any more legitimate or unlegitimate or pathetic than the other. It sounds to me like you're in a serious downwards spiral here and I can't imagine how helpless you must be feeling (well I can, because I've been there). And it takes people a lot (A LOT) of effort and fighting to get through this but people. can. do. it. I myself am going back to school next year again. (It took me TWO YEARS to feel like I'm ready) I have a psychologist who is helping me with my disabilites who I can trust (I went through FIVE different doctors and psychologists before I found one who I felt could help me) and I have a job that I don't love, but that I am content with and can find a reasonable amount of job satisfaction in so that I can enjoy it. (It took me ONE YEAR to find a job like this, during which I was fired TWO times and quit THREE myself. I have dealt with everything from illegal below-minimum pay to sexual harassment to get where I am. There were many times when I felt that I wanted to give up or felt despair because I though I was never going to be able to have a job that I enjoyed and would be stuck with this for the rest of my life. I worked hard. I made progress. I'm not there yet but I'm working on it and every day I feel better.)
And finally, FINALLY (good god this has been a long comment...)
As all my family keeps telling me
As all the comments above have said
anon
you are very young.
And to be honest, even if you were 40, I would still tell you that you were very young. Because there is always, ALWAYS a lot of life ahead of you. You don't have to live your life like the movies, a lot of people don't and are still happy and living fulfilled lives. For you right now, little baby steps that make you love yourself and your life a bit more are the key. Any thing, the tiniest things. Getting the dishes done. Getting out of the house at least once every few days. Meeting a friend at a cafe. Getting a job interview, even if you don't even get the job! Showing up at a party, even if its for a little while! All of these are the right places to start.
Get these upward spirals going anon. Its ok if it takes you awhile.
And
You asked for help here on fandomsecrets.
Congratulations, you've already taken the first step.
....this was really long. I'm sorry. I hope it helped.
Re: sit down, this is gonna be a long one
(Anonymous) 2012-07-23 05:09 am (UTC)(link)Re: sit down, this is gonna be a long one
(Anonymous) 2012-07-23 06:58 am (UTC)(link)Re: sit down, this is gonna be a long one
Seriously though, don't be an ass.
Re: sit down, this is gonna be a long one