[ SECRET POST #2037 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2037 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 067 secrets from Secret Submission Post #291.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - personal attack ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[velvet_mace]

Are you trying to date fashion models or something?

The guys I know aren't nearly that picky. My then boyfriend, now husband told me on our first date (which by the way, I asked him on, he said yes) that he didn't like make up (it tastes nasty). So I stopped wearing it (quite happily). And I haven't been given slack over it. I did, however, make sure my face is clean, brows are tamed, my hair and teeth are brushed, my breath smells good, my deodorant is on, my acne treated, my clothes clean, flattering to my body type, and aren't too bizarre. I may not be wearing make up or super fashionable glasses, but I am caring for my appearance.

Just, try not to make the most dominent part of your personality be "I don't really give a fuck what you think of me." Because, why would he want to date a woman who doesn't care or feels entitled to his attraction when she's not doing anything to earn it. Once you have a boyfriend long enough to reach the comfortable stage, you can wear your sweats and he'll start wearing his comfortably unflattering clothes around you.

[(Anonymous)]

da

So basically "make sure you spend sixteen hours on your appearance every day in order to conform to patriarchal beauty standards, don't dress how you want to, make sure you do everything to be attractive to men, and MAYBE you'll get a date! omg super easy!"

You're privileged, and you're being terribly sexist and completely awful here. Please fuck off.

[(Anonymous)]

Try reading that comment again. It doesn't suggest a sixteen-hour super-privileged sexist beauty ritual, it describes good hygiene and basic neatness--no less than what anyone should do for a job interview. It also suggests that if that's not enough for your prospective date, they may not be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

[insanenoodlyguy]

WAHHHHHHHHH

I DON'T LIKE THAT YOU ARE HAPPIER THEN ME, YOU PRIVILEGED POS. STOP HAVING DECENT ADVICE THAT DOESN'T AFFIRM MY BULLSHIT WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

CRY SOME MOAR

[velvet_mace]

I don't think you know what any of those words mean.

[(Anonymous)]

um, sorry, but i expect a guy to do the same (not your exaggerated version, but previous anon's). i'm not dating a guy who doesn't care about his appearance. it's not a patriarchal standard.

[gobbledigook]

Thanks for granting us with the great knowledge of hygiene, patriarchal society!

[insanenoodlyguy]

Thing is, like 90% of what you said is more hygene then anything. The fact it corresponds to appearance is certainly not a coincidence, but I do hope if only for health reasons know to do the basics for themselves if nothing else.

[velvet_mace]

I've met a lot of nerds of both genders who weren't really clear on the importance of hygiene. Believe me, some of the people at cons really need to be told to floss.

[insanenoodlyguy]

Sadly, your not wrong there.

[threeonetwo]

No, I was talking about the expectations media sets for society. I should have made that more clear. Also, personal experience from years of being bullied by my peers for reasons such as not having a perfect complexion even when using "tried and true" acne medication, being told I smell like shit despite bathing every day and taking extra care to NOT smell, and oh, being picked on by adults for having the figure of a young teen instead of an average woman my age when trying to get a job also colors my viewpoint.

I really wish I was making up that last one. If I had a dollar for every time I've gone somewhere for an interview/dropping off a resume professionally dressed and gotten a snort of derision and a snide "You look like you're 14" even after explaining that I'm well beyond that, I would be set for life.

My point is, keeping good hygiene(which I do) doesn't guarantee that people are going to treat you like a human being in the dating world or any other aspects of the real world. As other people have said, almost everything you mentioned is a matter of keeping good hygiene, which isn't what I was talking about. I was talking about not getting all dressed up like you're going on a date on every single occasion in your day-to-day life, which men can get away with far more easily than women. Also, I don't want a boyfriend, but the point still stands.