[ SECRET POST #2059 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2059 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 045 secrets from Secret Submission Post #294.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[la_petite_singe]

There's that, definitely, and there's also the defensive response to virgin-shaming [which is a totally bullshit thing all by itself]--like, "I'm not ready to have sex/am anxious about it/haven't found the right person yet" becomes "well, fuck you, I don't even want to have sex because I don't care." And of course there are plenty of people who actually are asexual and perfectly happy being so, it's just that many people have commented that it's become a "trend" lately and I think there are a number of explanations.

[stainless]

Yeah, that's what I think. I'm not saying "no one is asexual." I'm saying "I think some people get swept up in identity politics." Because I've known a couple who did.

[la_petite_singe]

For some reason in this society we like to tell people that not only do they have to check a box and stick with it, but they have to do so by a certain age/period in their life, so I can totally see why some people are going "it hasn't happened for me yet, so there must be something wrong with me/I guess it's just never going to happen." And that sucks, not because being celibate/asexual is a bad thing, but because people really do stress over this. Hell, we've seen it in this very comm, and I think it's because of all the pressure. I have an LJ friend [not in this comm] who's a virgin and has a lot of anxiety related to sex & men, and is currently panicking that she is or will at some point 'turn into' a lesbian. I'm like, 'dude, that's not really how it works; just give yourself time, if your friends are saying you're weird for not having boned a ton of guys yet, then fuck those people, they're rude. And if you are a lesbian, that's okay too! Just let it all happen on your own timetable!' But IDK if she's listening to me.

...er, tl;dr: people shouldn't be jerks to each other, the end.

[stainless]

I can totally see why some people are going "it hasn't happened for me yet, so there must be something wrong with me/I guess it's just never going to happen."

I felt that way. Then I realized I'm into BDSM, and what was leaving me cold was depictions of sexuality without power dynamics. Even once I realized that, I assumed I'd be a fetishist in the clinical sense and get off only on BDSM and not on standard sex acts.

I turned out to be wrong. It was just that what "sexuality" was presented to me as looking like was completely not in line with what I understood myself to want.

That's my major worry. Not that I think getting involved in asexual communities is harmful or something, but that I think if it had been as easy as it is now to go looking for resources about asexuality and I'd become some big AVENite, I would have been three times as confused. :-P

I have an LJ friend [not in this comm] who's a virgin and has a lot of anxiety related to sex & men, and is currently panicking that she is or will at some point 'turn into' a lesbian.

And I have a friend who identified as asexual because she "didn't want [a particular sex act.]" Not surprisingly, she now sees herself as someone who is interested in sex, but doesn't want to do that thing.