fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2068 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2068 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[Tiger & Bunny]

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02.

[Queer as Folk USA]

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03.

[Devil May Cry]

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04.

[The Key of Awesome! Maroon 5 Payphone Parody: Game of Thrones]

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05.

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06.

[Lorraine Star]

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07. http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d194/throwme2thedogs/fablesecret.jpg
[linked for illustrated nudity/porn; Fable]

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08.

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09.

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10.

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

11. [SPOILERS for Kamen Rider Fourze]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

12. [WARNING for sexual assault]

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13. [titc #2]

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14. [WARNING for rape, violence]

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15. [WARNING for eating disorders]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #295.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 (warning for abuse) - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 (warning for child abuse) - take it to comments ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ok, the reason I'm asking is not to bash anyone or their sexual preferences or practices. I'm merely asking these questions because I want to remain tactful. So here goes:

1. What exactly is slut shaming? Do you lump teasing amongst friends in with outright bashing from strangers?
2. Does slut shaming mean shaming someone who has sex at all, or is there a certain number of partners where the "shaming" starts? If you think there's a number, why that number?
3. Is there ever a number of partners or practices one can have where it's acceptable to be a little judgy? Or is any number of partners/practices acceptable? Again, if you think there's a number, why that number?
4. How do you respond to someone who slut shames?

I appreciate any advice because I want to make sure I don't say something wrong by accident. And I don't want to be thinking the wrong way about someone. I just want to be nice, and I could use your help in remaining so. Thanks! :)

1. Slut shaming is shaming people (usually women) for their perceived sexual practices. I generally don't think teasing from friends falls into that category, but it doesn't have to come from strangers or be outright bashing to be slut shaming. There's a big difference between "lol, sis, did you have to jump on him the first night? XD" and "The first night? Don't you think you should have waited a little longer? Don't you have any self-respect?"

2. Like I said - perceived sexual practices. Slut shaming happens to people who have lots of sex, people who've never had sex, people who are beautiful, people who are ugly, people who are nice, people who are mean, etc. Slut shaming is, in a lot of ways, not even about sex. It's about holding people to some personal or cultural moral standard and then shaming them when you perceive them as failures.

3. No. I don't care if the person you're looking at slept their way through a small country--slut shaming is not acceptable, period. As soon as someone starts thinking that "x number of partners" is bad, it never just stays that way. Slut shaming is really closely tied to victim blaming in a lot of ways, because it operates on the assumption that a person's decisions of about sex that are are private and harming no one are cause for censure and judgment. Generally, "She sleeps around, that slut" becomes "look at how she's dressed" becomes "she was asking for it." Don't do it.

4. Depends on the situation. I'm ashamed to say that I generally say nothing to people who do street harassment, but if I know the person doing the shaming or the person being shamed, I confront. Usually I manage to keep my cool and smother them in facts; sometimes I'm not so good at that.

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I hope I answered your questions and that this has been helpful to you. It's a good sign when people ask these questions, too, because it means you probably aren't being offensive on purpose. Just...be careful.

Thanks for the help. Your clarifications were exactly what I was looking for. :)

Anon above did a pretty good answer, but here's an addendum:

3. The only time I'd judge for sexual practices would be if someone was sleeping with a lot of people without protection, because then they'd be putting themselves and other people at unnecessary risk, plus if they have a uterus risking unwanted pregnancy. But even then that's not something that warrants outright shaming. :P

The way I see it is: there's no unhealthy way to have sex (provided it's safe, sane and consensual) or unhealthy amount of sex to have; there's only healthy and unhealthy attitudes to sex. Anyone can have unhealthy attitudes to/issues regarding sex, regardless of whether they're the town bicycle or 100% celibate. But again - having issues about sex doesn't warrant shaming.

[ SECRET POST #2068 ]

Some Questions about Slut Shaming

Re: Some Questions about Slut Shaming

Re: Some Questions about Slut Shaming

Re: Some Questions about Slut Shaming

Re: Some Questions about Slut Shaming