fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2076 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2076 ⌋

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Hey F!S. I... have a problem. I have friends who are girls--but they're friends I made when I was much, much younger (middle school or earlier) and have kept. I have no recent girl friends and for some reason girls don't seem to keen on me.

I've been really lonely since I started college since I hadn't been able to make any new friends. I just transferred this year and suddenly I'm getting a fair amount of attention from guys who want to hang out with me presumably only to hit on me. At first I think "oh good, I've made a friend maybe! Finally!" But then they keep hitting on me even after I try to be politely dismissive. The problem is... even though I have a boyfriend (long distance), I'm so fucking lonely that I don't tell anyone I have a boyfriend simply because I'm really afraid I'll lose their company and be all alone again. I feel like a horrible person... I'm sure the cat will come out of the bag at some point, but I'm hoping that by that point they'll have decided they like me as a person/as a friend, and they don't care enough that I have a boyfriend that they'll stop hanging out with me. I certainly don't encourage their flirting or flirt back, and I would never cheat on my boyfriend, but I feel like such a fucking loser that this is the only way I can make "friends." I just feel so pathetic. Am I still leading them on if I try to turn down their flirts? Am I being a bad girlfriend by not telling them about my boyfriend?

Man I really have no relevant advice but I just wanted to say that sucks and I'm sorry and hugs. Good luck to you, I hope it gets better.

I can't answer if you're being a bad girlfriend or not. I've never been in a relationship before. If it were me I would just talk to my boyfriend about it and ask if he was okay with it. *shrug*

But my question is do you really want to be friends with someone who has come up to you pretending to be your friend only to turn around and reveal themselves to only be interested in having sex with you?

I wouldn't want to be friends with that person. I think you can do much better. I think your worth much better.

If you're having trouble making friends in college try out clubs, special events, roommates, and so on. You can make friends. You can make friends who are actually just interested in being your friend.

If you turned them down, you're not leading them on. Having a boyfriend is not the only thing that makes you unavailable, expressing disinterest is just as valid a rejection.

And if you don't mind when they do it anyway...well, that's fine if you really, truly don't care, but you're not going to be able to tell for sure whether they're hanging around because they genuinely like you or because they think they have a chance with you until you tell them about him.

You already said you've turned them down being politely dismissive, so no, it doesn't sound like you're leading them on.

Maybe if you mention you have a boyfriend they'd stop hitting on you but still stick around? Like, maybe they'd finally realize that no means not gonna happen and instead just focus on you as a person instead of you as a potential partner. (Is that a realistic think? I don't know...it seems like it should be but then reality doesn't do what I think it should a lot of the time.)

Unfortunately, I think it's in your best interests to be upfront with these guys and admit you have a boyfriend. If they actually want to be your friend, it won't matter. If not, they need to know that they need to back off, and while I don't think you're leading them on at all, there are unfortunately some jackass guys out there who think any single girl is fair game, or that they'll ~win you over~ with time.

Also, if I were your boyfriend, I'd be a little freaked out if I found out you were being surrounded by interested men and purposefully not telling them you were with someone else.

Pretty much your whole first paragraph. Do what you want to do, but if they really only like you because they want to get with you... I think you're probably better off without them.

I really hope you're able to find some friends, OP! Hugs if you want them.

Oh man. You're not doing anything wrong. Like you said, you're lonely is all. Unfortunately, people like those guys sometimes need a firmer rejection to get the picture. Since you're not flirting back, even turning them down, they're probably just too dense to realise that they need to cut that shit out. Telling them that you already have a boyfriend could certainly help, but no one is entitled to know about your personal life unless you're okay with divulging it (imo).

If you have time, I'd really suggest looking for clubs, or places to volunteer on campus to meet people and hopefully make new friends.

[ SECRET POST #2076 ]

Friends, "friendzoning," boyfriend problems

Re: Friends, "friendzoning," boyfriend problems

Re: Friends, "friendzoning," boyfriend problems

Re: Friends, "friendzoning," boyfriend problems

Re: Friends, "friendzoning," boyfriend problems

Re: Friends, "friendzoning," boyfriend problems

Re: Friends, "friendzoning," boyfriend problems

Re: Friends, "friendzoning," boyfriend problems