fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2079 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2079 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm not sure whether I should post it - after a whole year there's obviously nothing I can add to what I already know about getting over. I guess I just need some venting...

One year ago I fell in love for the first time. The guy returned my feelings. We have dated for a few weeks and then he dumped me. We somehow managed to become good friends now, if it matters - so there's no grudge on either side, all is fine and dandy.

BUT. I can't get over. I simply can't. I have tried to, but stopped seeing any sense in it pretty early on. I've never loved before, I didn't think I even could - and this feeling virtually turned my very essence upside down, made me an entirely different person, wiser (as I hope) and more free. I used to imagine I have qualities, principles and certain basic, undoubtable views to stick to, but after this story which I'm not going to relate in details (it'd take the whole night) I realized this love is the strongest... thing I have ever had in me. My faith, writing, studying - everything I cherish fails to console me, although the new me draws much more pleasure from all this than I did before; the problem is they are suddenly not so reliable anymore, now that I have experienced something much more extraordinary, which I don't want to let go. On the one hand, I seem to have finally found myself and my place in life (for the first time giving up is not even an option, I legitimately want to live and succeed in life), so it's not like I can't live without the guy... right? On the other hand, I can't forget how beautiful this connection was, and, well, how much I love him.

I refused to choke my romantic sentiments from the start and invested all my effort into fighting the anger, despair and jealosy instead. So now, one year after the break-up I find myself more overwhelmed by painful tenderness than on that first day a year ago. I love my new life but I can't deny I love the guy who 'gave' it to me equally or even more. I feel that at this point there's no getting over, I managed to look into his soul way too well, to get accustomed to him and admire and care for him as a human being so deeply that I practically love him 'like myself'.

And it's a miracolous feeling indeed, but... it still hurts. Most of the time it's nothing but warm and fuzzy but sometimes it suffocates me. And I can't get rid of it, it won't go off my soul, it appears to BE my soul (or its crucial part). I really don't want to throw it away but I'd also like to preserve my sanity going through this.

Oh, and the mere idea of seeing someone else appalles me. Sad, but it's a fact: I wouldn't go out with other people if I was ordered to, it just feels wrong at this moment. The more I think about this, the more I get convinced he was the one (and by now I have learnt about a great deal of his flaws, so I'm hardly idealizing).

I tried so hard, I was almost convinced the ultimate solace was waiting for me right around the corner, and now it looks like I've driven myself into a dead-end. I don't know what to do.

TL;DR: Anon cannot get over her (presumably) long-lasting first love.

*appals

Excuse my grammar, I'm not a native English speaker.

I can't offer you much, OP, other than to say that time really does make it easier. In the meantime, keeping yourself busy with other things (fandom, hobbies, etc.) might help.

Good luck!

Traditionally, you'd find some Good Work to throw yourself into far away from the person, like becoming a nurse or missionary or caring for orphans for something. You could look into charities and aid agencies that need volunteers overseas. Madagascar is pretty cool, if you can raise the cash and are willing to put in some hard work.

But not everyone has the time or the means to do that, assuming you're not willing to drop everything.

You should maybe stop being friends with him. I know this sounds hard now but by seeing him all the time you don't give your feelings the chance to cool down and go into other directions.

And basically it just takes time, sometimes more, sometimes less. But being around him all the time will probably make it a lot harder and might stop you from falling in love with another person.

Btw, does he know you still love him?

[ SECRET POST #2079 ]

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