fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2081 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2081 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Paul Ryan / Matthew Morrison]

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[The Incredible Hulk]

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[inuyasha and mobile suit gundam]

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[My Chemical Romance]

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[The Closer/Major Crimes]

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[Perception]

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[The Circle/ The Engelsfors Trilogy]

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[The Shoes-Time To Dance (official music video)]

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[UC Gundam]

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[Friends]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 017 secrets from Secret Submission Post #297.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm not talking about the kind people claim to have so they can post on goth message boards. I genuinely hate people. All people. No exceptions. They scare me.

I don't do anything outwardly hurtful to anybody, but only because I don't want to embrace the specific traits about people that I hate (i.e.: treating each other like shit; won't go into details because they're triggering and I don't have nearly enough scotch on hand right now, but that is quite literally all I have ever seen growing up). But I do avoid any kind of unnecessary interaction. I don't talk to coworkers unless it's job-related, I've cut off all communication with my family (because Reasons), and I avoid making friends at all costs. The only place I feel safe interacting with anybody is online, because I'm effectively nobody.

And...I'm tired of feeling like this. Being avoidant is getting harder. I'm legit depressed, and have no one to talk to because I'm too scared to trust anybody.

I guess I want to know if anyone here has ever gone through this, and if so how did you get out of it?

You'll probably have to try quite a few different avenues of help, but I'll tell you that your odds of getting out of this by yourself are largely nil from what I've seen of others.

You sound as though you're suffering from anxiety or paranoia rather than simple misanthropy. Especially since you mention "feel[ing] safe." That sounds to me more like a fear than a hatred. Could you talk to a professional about this somehow?

+1 It sounds like that to me. If I hadn't had a couple of decent people in my life at one stage, I think I would have been like OP. Counselling really really helped me. Still am wary of most people however, but that's probably adaptive.

+1 I had the same thoughts in regards to the "feel safe" bit. Definitely sounds like a symptom/result of an issue rather than misanthropy being the issue.

If you're legitimately depressed and don't like your situation? Associating with people and only liking 1 out of 10 people and getting infuriated and annoyed and disgusted the other 9 times is leagues better than not associating with anyone and not liking anyone at all.

Like, intense pain mixed with some relief and pleasure and joy is better than mild, chronic pain all the time with no hints of pleasure or joy whatsoever.

Not OP

I take your point. Don't get me wrong, I know lots of crappy interaction is better than nothing. But - for me at least, & I suspect for OP to some degree - it's not (just) about "getting infuriated and annoyed and disgusted". It's about **fear**. OP sounds like they're scared.
I get that OP is probably fed up with people, but as others have said, that sounds like a symptom rather than a cause.

Therapy therapy therapy therapy. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

Being avoidant is really not helping, as you probably noticed, and it's pretty clear you have stuff you need to address that's warping your perceptions of yourself and of others. Your abusers taught you some fucked up lessons, that you internalised to survive, and now it's time to unlearn them because you're free.

So please get some help.

If you go to a doctor or therapist, it's their job to help you: that's what they get paid for. If they teach you Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, you basically go through it yourself with a little help (they explain the theory), so you don't actually have to trust them that much. And you can always look the stuff up online, to check what they said.

Please, get help.

I would like to commend you on maintaining decent behaviour despite what you assume you'd like to do: there are theories of ethics that say that is exactly how all 'good' people become 'good' people. Fake it till you make it. Wear the mask until it becomes your face :)

Not OP but Fake it till you make it. I really hate this.
I've been "faking it" for about half my life now (~15 years) and I am very, very tired of "faking it".

Social interaction is generally about faking it, to a greater or lesser extent. Everyone does it, and if you're an introvert it's tiring so you need time out to recooperate.

It doesn't matter if you hate it: it is better than the alternative. Just like if you are tired of earning a living, you can't really just decide to stop working. If you are tired of making sure you have food, you can't really just stop doing it.

Fake it till you make it is a key skill. You can throw in virtue ethics if you want, too, but even if you don't care about ethics and just want to survive, that's it.

Also, you should probably seek help if you don't think you can maintain it.

OP, my experience is not as intense as your's but I've never fully gotten out of it. All I can say is that I kinda understand in some degree your feelings. People are just full of potential and have too many variables. The unstable-ness and unknown of it all is quite daunting.

While I have not been avoidant, I've become extremely passive. I never initiate anything when it comes to other people (except over the internet). Like you, I've realized this isolation has become a problem and is not healthy for me. I'm trying to rectify this by finding some local similar-interest meetup groups and starting from there. I haven't had the courage to actually go to one yet, but I think I'm gonna force myself to go. "Facing your fear head on" or something like that. It may not be the best route for you but I'd thought I'd share. You are not alone. *hugs*

Not OP, but... hey, anon, thanks for this. Dunno if you'll see it, but I can relate. And I'm glad to know I'm not alone either.
*hugs right back*

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