fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2088 ]

[ SECRET POST #2088 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2088 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 021 secrets from Secret Submission Post #298.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Cuts don't work in comments? Huh. I'll break this into two parts then.

Warning: All, and I mean all, of the links below have dick everywhere and are NSFW. Homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic slurs and statements.

So while searching the frot tag on tumblr last night for... reasons. I stumbled upon a "frot power" blog that posted an "interview" the highlight of which was a cheesy, lol-tastic sex scene that included the following gems.

"It was as though their bodies had been super-charged with super potent testosterone. Which they had."

"...their thick phalluses throbbed and pulsed and started to mate on their own."

"their bodies gripped each other even harder as their two massive teen mantools shot out wad after wad of creamy white jizz, their powerful jaculator muscles shooting the cum into the air"

"They just lay entwined with each other and let their sperm unite their bodies and souls."

"They felt completely bonded through their cocks, united as men by the mystic phallic power of their ferocious dicks"

...Well of course I had to follow this back to see if there was more.

I found my new imaginary band name "Heroic Homosex". Or was it "Cockrub Warriors"? Maybe it was "The Buttfuck Dictatorship". One of those. Oh, and internalized homophobia, transphobia, and misogyny galore! But it's okay! The website's author goes on to explain that really it's "anal culture" that's homophobic for trying to force men to pretend they have pseudo-vaginas.

I was going to do a write-up kind of thing but there was just too much sheer mind-buggery. ~~And I was unable to stop laughing long enough to pull something together.~~

Basically this is a website about "frot warriors" struggling against (Warning: this link contains several homophobic, transphobic, and misogynistic slurs) "analism" (totes just like in George Orwell's "1984") full of hard hitting questions like "Dudes -- can you imagine Thor, Hercules, Samson, Lincoln, Armstrong, or any other true hero getting fucked up the ass?" Spoiler alert: the answer is not "Uh, yes?" Btw you do not have to imagine Thor frotting. A diagram of him frotting with Captain America has been helpfully provided for you. If that's not your thing there is also some Spider-Man/Human Torch frot.

The author of the website is Bill Weintraub. He likes to watch snakes fuck because they look like cocks. He would also like you to know he is totes cool with you reproducing his website for educational purposes as long as you credit him and include some specific links.

so EDUCATE YOURSELVES F!S'ers on... anatomy? Interservice military dynamics?

But later he says everything is copyright and you need explicit permission to reproduce or quote it anywhere or lawyers. ...I'll risk it.

By the way, if you want to be a virtuous manly-man you should donate money to him. Otherwise you're a thieving buttqueen and a shameless analist shitfaery.

So of course Weibtraub Godwinn'd "...saying that we are demonizing the culture of anal sex is a bit like saying the anti-fascist movement demonized the Nazis."

Also there is an agony aunt dude named "Sensei Patrick" who is a self-described "dedicated beaver-banger" who uses his biology degree to say things like "If you turn a woman's squirrel inside out, you essentially have a crank," and spends most of his time trying to recruit str8, married guys to his frot club and giving str8 guys advice on how to seduce their buddies with wrestling. No, I did not drop acid before starting that sentence.

There's fic. Notably the Cockrubbers of Mars
On Mars cockrubbing is a competitive sport and they have a renowned phallic city.

The Fight
Wherein there is an orgasm so powerful the individual sperm have their own orgasms.

Cock Combat: The Ultimate Male Test
I don't want to quote the entire thing here so you'll have to read it for yourself.

But mostly there's a lot of long-winded, repetitive, yet somehow still hilarious bullshit about how frot is the one true ~~gay~~ everyone-is-bi sex because 1) The anus is not a vagina 2) Some men don't enjoy anal 3) Wrestling is hot.

Warning: dicks everywhere, a couple of pages have several homophobic, transphobic and misogynistic slurs, and so much scrolling.
Heroic Homosex

oh, cockrub warriors. i wish i could say this was the first time i have ever heard of them and their shenanigans.
alas.

Why didn't anyone tell me?!?

i'm gonna go ahead and blame it on analist culture

Re: THERE WAS

anonymouslyyours - 2012-09-21 07:59 (UTC) - Expand

also, i love their use of copyright symbols on the definitions page. i really really hope those terms are actually copyrighted and they are the copyright holders. i hope some guy had to file paperwork to get the term "analist culture" copyrighted.

Okay, one, that website is amazing and hilarious as hell, and thank you for sharing.

Two, between this and the relationship ranting above - can you start a blog or something? Like, an actual blog? Because this shit is entertaining as hell, you're a great writer.

That's incredibly flattering, thank you! I don't know that I'm interesting enough to sustain a blog though. General Comment posts are probably all I have in me.

I used to know guys like those when they referred themselves as g0y. Then as str8 acting. They're evolving right before our eyes.

you're going to have to elaborate on g0y, my interests are piqued

Re: THERE WAS

gobbledigook - 2012-09-21 01:14 (UTC) - Expand

g0y? that... how did they make the word GAYER? (G0YER)

Re: THERE WAS

gobbledigook - 2012-09-21 01:16 (UTC) - Expand

Re: THERE WAS

(Anonymous) - 2012-09-21 01:22 (UTC) - Expand

Re: THERE WAS

anonymouslyyours - 2012-09-21 01:22 (UTC) - Expand

they straight up weren't even trying with the phallic city. Just here have some dicks.

That was my favorite part too! It's why I didn't lead in. Just, oh, here I'm mocking the illustrations by calling them phallic when really they're just big, futuristic buildings... nope, those are dicks.

This is so bad it's so good. Is this person for reals?

Hey Dudes

This is a FREE site for guys into

COCKRUBBIN

FROT

COCK TO COCK

DICK2DICK

BONE ON BONE

and

WRESTLIN.

one of the above isn't like the other ones

wrestlin

without a g

its more manly than wrestling or something? special frot version of wrestling?

I can't stop laughing

BONE ON BONE

Holy...god. I am just....

Wow.
*flails weakly*

What in fuck.

Oh my gooood. I ran into this exact site years ago (when I was despairing over the lack of frot in porn, actually, so I was...researching). For some reason I thought it might have gone away somehow, forgetting that this is the internet where insanity never dies. Thank you for flogging my hope in humanity another day.

Only one cock wins a cock challenge dude. Only one ballsac dominates.

One Cock to rule them all and in the foreskin bind them?

Yeah. Except that domination and submission are bad and analist. So how's that work again?

I also love the fighting pictures with all the blood in them, right next to screeds about the unsafeness of anal. Do these guys not know HIV is bloodborne?

HEROIC HOMOSEX.

I recognized what you were quoting from immediately. That website is always good for several laughs.

Do I get to be an analist if I'm a girl?

So apparently this was a known thing that people just decided not to tell me about? ... Hurt feelings are had, F!S, they are had!

Sure do! Even lesbians can be analist allies if they practice oral or penetrative sex. I remember there was a whole sub section about that somewhere.

~~Clearly~~ Queerly I am evil incarnate, then.

I didn't know you knew, I'd have told you.

FEMALE ANALISTS UNITE!

We should start a band and call it Thieving Buttqueen and the Analists.

Re: NSFW: WHARRGARBL I LIKE FROT SO EVERYONE HAS TO OR ANALIST OPPRESSION

insanenoodlyguy - 2012-09-21 19:47 (UTC) - Expand

Re: NSFW: WHARRGARBL I LIKE FROT SO EVERYONE HAS TO OR ANALIST OPPRESSION

lunabee34 - 2012-09-23 04:52 (UTC) - Expand

... This is reminding me irresistibly of Norse mythology, where a sleeping giant's feet started mating and birthed monstrosities, I think. Trufax.

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