fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2096 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2096 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04. http://i.imgur.com/KENos.png
[True Blood; sort of porny, illustrated ... choking and spanking or something?]

__________________________________________________

05.

[Koi Kaze; Freefall]

__________________________________________________

06.

[Suits]

__________________________________________________

07.

[A Song of Ice and Fire]

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

11. [SPOILERS for Doctor Who]

__________________________________________________

12. [SPOILERS for A Song of Ice and Fire]

__________________________________________________

13. [SPOILERS for the Stand]

__________________________________________________

14. [SPOILERS for Teen Wolf]

__________________________________________________

15. [SPOILERS for Shin Megami Tensei IV]

__________________________________________________

[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

16. [WARNING for self-harm]

[bogglelovesyou@tumblr]

__________________________________________________

17. [WARNING for attempted suicide and depression]

[The Walking Dead]

__________________________________________________

18. [WARNING for suicide]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #299.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I need to get something off my chest, but I would also like to know if I'm alone or unusual. Any kind of thoughts you guys have would be great. This is partly inspired by number 18 in today's lineup.

TRIGGER warning for injury and related stuff.

I'm so used to feeling hopeless and powerless over even the most personal of things, like protection of my body, that I feel strange being secure in it's safety.

I constantly get injured. Not like I'm accident prone, but as in I've spent so long in one of the most dangerous jobs, that being in pain or afraid of it is more accessible to me than being in a normal job or life is. In the past six months alone I incurred about one moderate to serious injury per month.

And given my state of affairs, I can't afford to get them tended to, so I just hope the damage isn't crippling or fatal. I've fallen asleep crying from pain, and fear that I may be limited in my life when I'm a long way from thirty.

I can't say I'm used to seeing the people I love be hurt or in pain. I can't because I'll never be used to it. I can't count the number of times I've burst into tears at the thought of someone being just a few centimeters closer to death, just a few feet away from me when it happened. It's more common than not, and there were days where I would wake up and think, "Something will happen today that will make you wish you were dead," just to steel myself.

I still remember seeing my Dad's blood on the floor after he got hit in the face so hard he was concussed. I remember seeing my Mom curled up on the couch, so weak from work-inflicted emphysema that she couldn't move. And I couldn't help them then, and it stays with me, and pops up in the stupidest of places. Like seeing shit on TV shows that reminds me of it, shit that almost makes me throw up my dinner, when everybody else is unaffected.

Being leveled about my own ability to heal, or survive, or cope is indescribable. But it's nowhere as bad as watching the people you love struggle to survive or mend. That kind of fear is like a drug, and even though I hate it, hate the way it makes me feel, I find it more comfortable than always being safe. I don't understand it.

But being reminded in dreams of what I survived is as much a comfort in knowing what I've survived, as it is miserable to be reminded. I just don't understand.

Oh my god, that sounds terrible. I'm so sorry that you feel so unsafe and that you're in danger. Do you live in a country with workers' comp? Quite a few countries have it so that it's literally illegal to harm their workers that way without compensation.

I hope that you will be ok <3

Yes, but not in this job. This job essentially defies modern jobs. But it's probably not illegal in this country, anyway.

Thank you, you're sweet.

[ SECRET POST #2096 ]

Powerlessness- trigger warning

Re: Powerlessness- trigger warning

OP