fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2099 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2099 ⌋

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I am a 21 year old asexual virgin, and today I had my first pap smear. Everything was normal, the doctor was very nice and professional, and she was understanding of my nervousness, and the actual procedure didn't hurt (much).

And yet.

Emotionally, I feel really unsettled. I've been told many times that it seeing an OB/GYN does not feel sexual, and yet in my mind I absolutely cannot make that disconnect. Like I said, nothing bad happened, but I feel...violated? Like I consented to something, and I had no clue what I was getting into. I'm completely incapable of seeing it as a nonsexual experience. This woman had her fingers in my vagina.

I think being asexual is part of the issue here, but the main consensus seems to be that I'm doing pap smears wrong somehow. My mother is a medical professional, and when I tried to talk to her about my feelings on the matter, she completely shut me down with a lot of talk about how it's absolutely not sexual because it was a doctor, etc, and how I should basically just get over it. BUT IT WAS ANOTHER HUMAN TOUCHING MY SEXUAL ORGANS. How is that NOT sexual in any way?

ARGH HTML ISSUES

ignore how italicized that last bit is.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you for finding it really unsettling.

I felt violated after too. Maybe it was because I had my first one at 14, maybe because the woman doing it was a complete ass, maybe because it did indeed hurt like fuck against what everyone told me, maybe it was also the sexual part w/e I have no clue. POINT IS, it's not an uncommon feeling.

Maybe if you think of it like this...Pap smears are just something that's necessary. They may be on parts used for sex, but they also need maintenance like every other part of you.

Ugh, you have all my sympathies OP. I don't see pap smears as anything sexual, but as far as I'm concerned they are the most unpleasant medical procedures I ever have to go through. It's bad enough for me having to let someone touch me at all, but to go there? Yeah, that is never a good day for me.

I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you feel, you can't help the way your going to react to, or feel about something. Since your mother isn't being supportive about this, perhaps you could discuss it with your OB/GYN? She sounds nice, maybe she can try to find a way to help you?

I really wish I could offer something better.

You're not wrong for feeling the way you do. Just because you agreed to it doesn't mean you're somehow not allowed to find it invasive.

I obviously can't tell you not to find it sexual, but for me classifying a sexual situation (where someone else or myself is making the advance) depends on intent.

Don't worry, there's nothing unusual about feeling unsettled. Everyone takes it differently and it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your sexuality. Maybe, as you said, you just didn't have a clear picture in your head about the procedure until it actually happened. Just remember that there's no wrong way to feel about it.

Possibly TMI: I'm asexual as well and for me pap smears and gyn visits have been just unintentionally hilarious (my cervix is in such an angle that I have to do some acrobatics to get to a position where the doc can get a sample).

I'm afraid I don't have advice for you, but I don't think there's anything wrong with how you feel. It's easy to say that it's not sexual, but that doesn't mean everyone is going to feel comfortable being touched by a doctor or have an easy time seeing as nonsexual.

If it helps, I'm able to see it as nonsexual because I don't feel like touch is inherently sexual. I think it depends on the intent and how it's performed. I think it's a little like nudity, for example. Nudity can be sexual, but it's usually not sexual if it's in the context of something like going to the doctor or changing in a locker room.

But none of that means you aren't entitled to your feelings.

Nothing wrong with feeling how you feel. I agree with the folks who suggested talking to your OB/GYN about it. I felt similarly when I had my first pap smear (I was 16 at the time, and also a virgin and asexual). And mine HURT, despite my doctor's best efforts. :/ May I ask - did you go just for a general health check, or because you were trying to get on birth control?

The reason I ask is because the only reason I was having it done in the first place was so I could go on birth control (for every reason but what the name implies) and it was a requirement that they make sure I didn't have any health issues before they prescribed it. Every visit since then (from age 16 to 25), my OB/GYN has left it up to me whether or not I want to get the actual pap smear done or just have her write me a new prescription. As long as you're not having any problems down there, and you're not having sex, it's unlikely that the results will change, at your age. I've had my doctor do the pap smear a few times since then just for my own peace of mind so I know I'm still healthy, but if it makes you that uncomfortable, your doctor may let you opt out.

If you're NOT doing it for the purposes of birth control, then quite frankly I think it's entirely up to you whether or not to go back. As far as I know, there's no law that says you have to go annually, or even at all.

I went because I was having issues with irregular bleeding, so I thought it would be best to get checked. I've been on birth control for hormone reasons since about 8th grade, myself. But my doc saw nothing wrong, so I guess it's just residual uterine issues.

I know I'm the one with the issue, but I would like to let you know that if you live in the United States, your rights were violated. There are only two things that are required to obtain a birth control prescription and those are blood pressure and (I believe?) heart rate. Either way, all guidelines state that pap smears are not required. I certainly was never required to get one, and I've been on the pill foreverrr.

Also, it is almost universally discouraged to get a pap smear before 25, due to false positives and health risks associated with the test itself, so your doctor performed an invasive procedure that was completely unnecessary and even advised against in the medical field. (I'm sorry if I'm being pushy, but stories like that inspire righteous fury in me. I felt/feel horrible afterwards, but I gave informed consent, while it seems that you did not.)

The pap may not be necessary (at least not on a frequent basis) if you're not having sex (I think it's extremely rare for cervical cancer to occur without HPV?) but I strongly encourage people to get pelvic exams regardless of sexual activity.

When I was in college, a friend of mine went for a pelvic exam and found out she had a very large ovarian cyst that needed to be removed. It has started to cause her pain, but not to the point that she realized there was a problem. It likely would have been a while before she would have noticed something was wrong.

At the end of the day, our sexual organs are just organs and there are things that can go wrong with them no matter if or how we use them.

[ SECRET POST #2099 ]

TMI: pap smear issues? trigger warning

OP

Re: TMI: pap smear issues? trigger warning

Re: TMI: pap smear issues? trigger warning

Re: TMI: pap smear issues? trigger warning

Re: TMI: pap smear issues? trigger warning

Re: TMI: pap smear issues? trigger warning

Re: TMI: pap smear issues? trigger warning

Re: TMI: pap smear issues? trigger warning

OP

OP

Re: TMI: pap smear issues? trigger warning