[ SECRET POST #2105 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2105 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 107 secrets from Secret Submission Post #301.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Very stupid question about English:

When we are talking about someone whose gender we do not know, how should we address them?
I mean, a baby, an author, a teacher, we may not know the gender but need to use some pronouns!.
Shall we use "it"? It sounds awful (with babies it may fly, but with the other options it's clearly wrong) or "them"? (even if we are talking about one person?)
I have also read sometimes an arbitrary gender, but that seems really weird, how do we choose? I've seen this particularly with babies, like an article telling you signs of the common cold in your baby and it refers to it as she, but evidently is talking about babies in general.

It's really silly and by this point I should know it already, but every time I ask I get a different answer from my teachers and thought it may be useful to ask native speakers.


ps: Clearly English is not my first language, please don't give me a class on gender neutral pronouns or something like that, because I may cry out of frustration/confusion.

[(Anonymous)]

You can use "they" even if you're only talking about one person, no problem.

[(Anonymous)]

This is the heart of the "singular they" debate, and there's never really been an answer on that; it varies depending on person, really, so there are several options.

He/She is common.

So is ze/zer.

It works too, but there are very specific times when "it" is okay. Talking about people is not one of those times.

I personally use "they." Screw the haters.

[(Anonymous)]

Serious question here, is ze/zer actually common outside the internet? Or even outside fandom? Because that is literally the only place I have ever heard it being used - and the occasions I've brought it up irl, no one had heard of it either.

[stainless]

No, it's not. People may say it in person in the trans community, but I've never actually heard it pronounced.

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT

It's not. From my understanding it's pretty much completely unknown, and if it's known it's subject to ridicule. Personally I think it's pointless when singular 'they' has grown so common and effective, and I think many would agree.

[(Anonymous)]

ze/zer actually shouldn't be used to address people who haven't asked to be called that. Those invented pronoun sets are normally used by people who fall outside the traditional gender binary of he/she. As in, I'm not a he or a she, I'm a ze. You'd be mis-gendering whoever you were talking about unless they happened to be gq.

Also, no, ze/zer isn't common outside of online trans* and queer spaces.

[(Anonymous)]

This is the first time I hear that, anon.

[greenvelvetcake]

Usually people settle on "they," and it's used often enough to not sound awkward.

[(Anonymous)]

You can use "they". Do not use "it" as people see it as dehumanizing.

[carma-bee.livejournal.com]

i use 'they' even if high school english class told me not to. it sounds fine to me

[citrinesunset]

They/them is fine. Sometimes people will use "it" for babies, but in general, it's dehumanizing. He/she is common, but I think it's used more in contexts where a generic person is being discusses, not a particular individual.

[shinsengumi]

In formal English, you use "he/she" in writing and "he or she" when speaking. In informal English, "they" is perfectly acceptable.

In cases where an arbitrary gender is used, such as the article you mention, that's the author's discretion. Generally I assume they have created a persona of an infant to use for their example to make it easier for them to write.

[intrigueing]

Formal English (writing, speeches, etc): "he or she"

Informal English (casual conversations, internet, etc): "they"

[(Anonymous)]

Singular 'they' has actually been in use and acceptable in English for centuries. (If it seems wrong to you because it's plural, consider that in many romance languages plural pronouns can also be used as a more formal version of their singular counterparts. French is a great example.)

There's also the singular 'one' (such as, "One probably spends a lot of time at home.") but it's very stilted sounding to my American ears. A bit like using "doth" or "thou" in a sentence. It might be more acceptable in British English.

Choosing an arbitrary gender is sometimes used in formal writing like articles and essays for clarity. "He/she" "his/hers" etc. are similar but not something I see often anymore.

I would stick with they/them/their/etc. They're universally understood pronouns. Also, avoid xir/zer/ser/etc. unless you're specifically asked to address someone that way.

[30_rock_office]

Typically, babies are "it" until told otherwise. If you don't know an adult's outward gender, usually asking, "What's their name?" or "Who is that?" are perfectly acceptable. :)

[(Anonymous)]

From listening to how people talk in my neighborhood you should pick their most prominent quality and use that. For example "That white guy", "Her baby daddy."

I kid, I think my neighbors are butts. They/them like everyone else has said.