Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-10-07 03:42 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-10-07 03:42 pm
[ SECRET POST #2105 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2105 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 107 secrets from Secret Submission Post #301.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
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Yeah, I can't even explain it to myself. There's plenty there without sex- trust, closeness, friendship, roleplaying, lots of other possible things that a person could get out of BDSM that makes it special for them. Appropriate Fandom Secrets analogy- it's like how some people say they only like such-and-such a show because of that one cute actor/actress. They're enjoying the show, just not the same way as someone else. Even that isn't a great way of explaining it...
Sucks, though, right? I'm not a "they be opressin my asexuali-tea" aces by any means, but some people will use any excuse to disprove an asexual. Like it's "Where's Waldo?" of sexuality. I know it's there somewhere, just gotta- there it is, it's hiding behind the insecurity desk! I sure don't enjoy it either. They never seem to realize that once they point out what they think is Waldo, they get to walk away, leaving the person to spend many fun hours-to-days to sort themselves out in their heads.
Sorry for the tl;dr up there. It's just so "seriously, what is it to you/how is your life better in any way from having done that?" that I get a little cray-cray thinking about it.
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Oh, it does. I generally don't fall in with the whole 'Help, help! I'm opressed!' group either but...well. I'll admit there are a few times I've pulled the 'Wait, wait! You haven't said X yet, and I need that to win bingo!' because I've just gotten *that* sick of all the '~*reasons asexuality doesn't really*~' some people get into. You do have a point though - but the people that I've run across that try to find Waldo would probably take it as they'd help 'fix' someone if you said, than actually see it as something that might not be good.
No worries - I tend to be same way - and sometimes it's just something that you need to talk about, you know?
EDIT: And I apologize if I come off a bit awkward - I'm just a little excited since I don't usually talk to anyone about...well. This sort of thing ^^;;
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Got any theories on the people who go looking for sexuality when told there is one? I've got plenty. Aside from the obvious "just people flapping their jaws", I think it's an ego thing for some of them. "There was this one time I met a person who thought they were asexual... until they met me. That's right, I'm so sexy that I uncovered their sexual lost city and saved them from a sexless life. I'm Indiana Jones/Jane and Superman/Woman all in one!" The problem is, once they've attached their egos to that possibility, they don't realize intellectually that you were serious and they get all offended. I've seen it twice IRL, and it's both annoying and frustrating because I kinda feel like there's an obligation to spare their egos while explaining, when it'd be so much easier to just say "I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't believe me."
The other theory I have is about nature abhorring a vacuum and how asexuality might feel like they're staring into a void. Oh man, I went on about it on my LJ this one time; I invite you to PM for a link and feel free to comment (there's no such thing as "late" in my LJ) because I fear I've talked you into the ground, though like you said, I don't get to talk about this much to others.
I promise you don't sound awkward. I hope I'm not tl;dr'ing you to death either because I don't get to talk to others about this either. I don't go to AVEN that much, and recently my only interaction in the community is with those annoying song-and-dance-and-big-production asexuals on Tumblr. You know, the ones who made that "sexual privilege checklist" thing (because now the new *thing* is that if some aspect about you isn't "oppressed" then you're a puppy kicking part of the problem and should be made to feel bad constantly for being you. Iunno who kickstarted Underdog McCarthyism, but whoever they were, I'm sure they have no friends, nobody likes them, and they want a world as ugly, miserable, and devoid of friendship and kindness as they are inside)
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I agree that's probably the case with some people, but I think some of them really just don't get that some people don't feel sexual attraction without anything being 'wrong' with them. So they do their damnest to try to find an reason that fits with their beliefs/whatever you want to call it, so that they don't have to change their mind set about that. I actually do feel for the people when that's the case...but it doesn't make their insistence that there's something wrong any less annoying.
Oh, you're not at all! I actually really love getting into talks about this kind of stuff, but it rarely happens since like we've both said, there just aren't many people to talk to this stuff about outside certain communities. As for AVEN...I hung around there for a while [way back] but after seeing a mod lay into someone for saying 'Not for me, but as long as no one is being forced into it, I think it's a cool idea!' when opinions were asked for I've been less excited about the idea of even trying to talk about this stuff there. [Along with a few other things that...really made me uncomfortable with that community as a whole.] I've seen a few of the people that you're talking about on tumblr, but I've come across some pretty cool ones too - I just don't like attempting to have conversations there. @_@