fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2122 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2122 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What do you do when a family member is going through a hard time, and you're not there at home with them? I'm so bad with my words, I can never think of the right thing to say on the phone. My mom told me recently that she has severe macular degeneration, and at some point she will go blind. She's an artist, so this hits her especially hard. I don't know how to comfort her. I don't even know what to do. I'm so sad for her that it's hard for me to even think about anything else. How do you even cope with this sort of thing when it's always looming over?

I know it's not the same thing but when my Opa died I wrote my Oma, who lives far away, a letter. With a letter it's not as instantaneous as a phone so you have the time to choose your words. You can have a friend read over it for you to see if they think it sounds right. You can also make it as long as you want.

Since she's going blind maybe you could have the letters in your letter raised so that even when your mom goes blind she can still feel/read the letter?

I'm so sorry about your mom, OP. I don't have any advice with how to cope with it other than lean on your friends and family and let them lean on you. Again, I'm sorry about the news.

This is good advice, especially about the letter. I don't know what to add so I'll just say I'm sorry about your mom. I know things are going to be rough for your family but I hope things work out and she eventually adjusts to everything. Not sure there's much you can do in this situation other than be supportive, so she'll probably appreciate having someone to talk about it with. *hugs*

Or maybe make a video (or even just a tape of your voice)? If you're comfortable being filmed/taped, you could do that.

I am so sorry, sweetie. *hugs* I wish I knew what to tell you.

I don't know anything about this, really, but it seems to me with these things that there's never a right thing you even could say. When someone is going through something like this, an illness or a death or what-have-you, there's no right words to say to make it all okay. I don't know. Maybe someone else has found the right words, but I never have.

I think what's important is that you make sure she knows that you care about her, that you feel pain because of what she's going through, and that she knows you're there for whatever she needs - and that you listen to what she's saying and do what you can. But, lord, I'm at a loss to think of a time when I had the right words to deal with someone getting sick or dying. I guess the only way to cope with it is just by living through it as best you can, and by helping your mother to do that.

I'm sorry your mother is going through that. It's really terrible, I can't even imagine what that must be like.

Just be there for your mom. Even if you don't always know what to say, or you feel like you aren't helping her enough, you're probably helping just by being on the phone, you know? It's not always about what you say.

I know what it's like to be away from your family when they're going through tough times, and you can feel really helpless, but really, you're probably helping more than you know by just talking to her.

I'm sorry about your mom, and I hope you're both okay. *hugs*

[ SECRET POST #2122 ]

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