fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2132 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2132 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Is it normal to feel guilty about your parent dying, even when you were too young to know them?

When I was about a year old, my mother killed herself. From what I've understood from people telling me about it later, we didn't live a great life. I had problems after being born, the kind of problems they weren't equipped to deal with.

I think it really messed with my mother. I feel like I was part of the reason that she killed herself.

But I feel so stupid feeling so bad, because I should have gotten over it. Logically I know that I couldn't have done anything, but it feels like that if baby-me was so naturally shitty as to drive a person to suicide, then what kind of hope do I have as an adult.

I know this is stupid, but I can't stop feeling bad.

It wasn't your fault. A lot of different factors actually go into a person's suicide, most of them unknown by the family and friends because suicidal people do not always confide in them. Sometimes, they even say they feel perfectly fine and happy, days before killing themselves.

You were a baby. You were unable to control and to be aware of anything around you, and I'm sorry that you had to go through that. It's not something you can "get over" easily, maybe talking to a therapist would help. I hope you live a great, great life.

"that if baby-me was so naturally shitty as to drive a person to suicide, then what kind of hope do I have as an adult."

Yeah, no. Your mother killing herself is not your fault. Yeah, you might be "part of the reason", but like anon above said, there was no way you could control it.

Also, your mother may have had post-natal (?) depression. There may have been other stuff going on in her life - poverty etc. Things set people off. Just because you were (or may have been) part of the reason your mother killed herself, does not follow that you were actually to blame for it.

I think it's normal to feel guilty, but please, please don't put any blame on yourself. As you yourself said, you couldn't have done anything, and no one can help the way he or she is born. (I was born with a bunch of problems, myself, so I hope I'm speaking from experience.)

Yourself as an adult is what you'll make of yourself.

Not your fault. It's normal to feel guilt about people close to you dying.
If you can't blame your actions, you wind up blaming yourself for being alive, or for being who you are.
It's weird as all hell, but yeah. I get that.
I could write essays on how my mother's death was my fault. As a rational person, I know that it doesn't make a lick of sense. It still feels real to me though.

I don't have any advice really. Irrational feelings suck.

[ SECRET POST #2132 ]

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