[ SECRET POST #2135 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2135 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 047 secrets from Secret Submission Post #305.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - IC secret? ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

11. http://i49.tinypic.com/34jcdnt.jpg

[elaminator]

Er...wild guess, The Hobbit? (I'm not even sure if there's a fandom yet. Or, well, there IS, but idk how much of one beyond Sherlock crossovers.)

Or...The Sound of Music? (jk jk)

Maybe you should tell her you don't dig the actor that she keeps going on about. I imagine she'll try to find other topics of conversation with you. If it was once and a while then I'd say you're overreacting, but I can understand how constant talk of something or someone you don't care for would get annoying.

[(Anonymous)]

Ah it's not the Hobbit, but I can see how my picture gives that impression.

I know I could just tell her to stop but I'm from a culture where confrontation and explicit expression of certain emotions is frowned upon (i.e. the infamous "showing" rather than "telling") and even though I know it should be fine with other people, I still have a hard time doing it.
I did try to do the "showing not telling" thing by ignoring her comments on the actor and/or quickly bringing the conversation around to something else every time she talks about him but I guess she doesn't read the signals. She always just brings the conversation right back to him.

na

[(Anonymous)]

Not only the pic, but also the talk about "the one cute guy".
I think out of all the dwarves, only Kili gets attention from what I have briefly seen in the blossoming new fandom. And people already ship him with his uncle, the "sexy one".

Re: na

[elaminator]

I thought of Kili too! Though I also find several of the others attractive, he's one of the more traditionally attractive people in The Hobbit.

I figured people would be shipping Kili with his brother tbh.

Re: na

[(Anonymous)]

Um. What? Balin or Dwalin?

[elaminator]

Ah, so you don't like confrontation? It might go beyond that but that's the gist of it? I can understand that. If she keeps missing your signals though, I don't think there's much you can do other than tell her or try to limit contact with her until this crush passes over. :/ Sorry I don't have any better suggestions.

[(Anonymous)]

I thought Tolkien as well :D

[cloud_riven]

"I feel vaguely betrayed."

At least it's only vaguely. The moment it's stronger than that, you should probably step back from the internet, or just the fandom really, for a while and just enjoy your show on your own.

[greenvelvetcake]

Watch out, feelings of vague betrayal can often lead to being mildly perturbed. Possibly even moderately vexed.

[cloud_riven]

These sound like a listing of possible side-effects!

OP

[(Anonymous)]

"Betrayed" was the wrong word to use. I was in a hurry when I made the secret and didn't really think about it.
"Disappointed" is more what I was going for.

Re: OP

[cloud_riven]

Oh. TBH, I kind of liked the idea of you having a pained expression while your friend would talk about their actor/character crush.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

I think your reaction is totally understandable and stepping back discreetly is the right approach: yes, this is disappointing, but better it happen now rather than later, when you would have been even more emotionally involved.

Regarding the more general problem: I encounter this problem in a lot of fandoms where I am familiar with the original material... I love the show/movie/book, but I am completely out of step with the fandom which seems to focus exclusively on the physical attractiveness of one of the actors involved.

[(Anonymous)]

You can't expect others to treat you how you want to be treated if you don't assert yourself. Have you ever told her that you're uninterested in Mr. Hot Actor and you seriously don't want to talk about him anymore?

If she's not getting it, it's on you to be blunt about it. People tend to be a little thoughtless at the start of a new obsession. You can be annoyed with her for being oblivious, but if you're not telling her how you feel, how is she supposed to know?

Plenty of "I'm not enjoying this conversation, please stop" nonverbal signals just don't go through very well on the internet. What seems obvious to you, and what might actually be obvious in face-to-face conversation, could go completely over the head of the person you're talking to online. She can't read your mind, and it's unfair to judge people for not doing what you want without even being asked.

[(Anonymous)]

This.

No one is saying you should bitch her out - just that you should, basically say 'Hey, I know you really love this guy, but we've been talking about him a lot lately. So, can we talk about something else for a while, please?'