fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2170 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2170 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Nikita (CW)]

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03.

[The Pirates! Band of Misfits]

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04.

[Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell]

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05.

[Star Wars Expanded Universe]

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06.

[Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Angel the Series]

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07.

[Avengers/MCU, Steve Rogers and Tony Stark]

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08.

[Go On]

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09.

[Star Trek: Deep Space Nine]

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10.

[Sailor Moon]

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11.

[Persona 4]

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12.

[Kili/Tauriel, The Hobbit]

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13.

[How to Destroy Angels/Mariqueen Maandig]

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14.

[Glee]

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15.

[Les Revenants]

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16.

[The Walking Dead]

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17.

[The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest]

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18.

[Gyakuten Saiban/Ace Attorney]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #310.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I am a kinky person, a sub, who has played with a number of doms. Finally, my first dom and close friend (who I was not dating) solidified that he was my dom and I was his sub.

Except I was sick for the last few months, and in the meanwhile, he got a girlfriend. She's not kinky. She's significantly younger than me. And we were just friends, he had no feelings for me, I basically had no feelings for him (I just badly wanted a boyfriend), but I'm mourning this, for no apparent reason.

Maybe I just feel like a whore?

._.

Even if you didn't have that sort of feelings for each other, it was still a relationship that required a lot of trust and some level of... affection? Acceptance? I'm not sure what the right word here is.

Anyway, even if it wasn't traditionally romantic, there is nothing surprising about mourning the loss of something you had with a close friend.

You are not a whore and your feelings aren't any less valid just because of the nature of the relationship.

You're right, I think what I'm mostly going to miss is that trust and comfort level. I've never been that comfortable and honest with another human being, nonetheless lover.

Nothin' wrong with whoring it up (unless you're literally whoring it up, but in colloquial sense...). And it's okay to be grieving this loss. Because it's still a loss of a dynamic, even if you weren't feeling romantic about each other.

Thanks for adding that, I shouldn't be beating myself up over expressing myself sexually, either. Not now or ever.

Dick move on his part, nonnie. I totally get the betrayal and I'm sorry he did this without at least a heads up. Was he a real Dom or just a poseur?

How is that a dick move? OP wasn't dating the guy, and I can't blame him for not wanting to have a sexual relationship with two people at the same time but also wanting a relationship that was more than kinky fuckbuddies. And he's not obligated to go to the next level with OP just because she wants a boyfriend.

OP and I agree with you. The fact that I was sick and unable to play just makes me feel bad because I wonder if he might have stayed with our thing had I been available, but he is totally within his rights to look around. I was looking around myself before I was sick, not to much success.

If he collared you, which is how I took your comment, it was grossly unfair to simply take up another relationship, especially a vanilla one, without warning. In the circles I am used to, that would make him a dick. Being a dom doesn't mean not honoring the D/s relationship.

If that isn't how you play, please accept my apologies for my assumptions.

No, that's how we played. I'm a relative newbie, so... I really was not aware that he couldn't just drop me like that. You make a pretty good point, anon.

A good Dom, in my experience, would not recind their collar or discount it, without some forewarning or discussion. It is a violation of trust, abandonment. I am sorry for your loss, OP, and I hope you find a good, solid Dom going forward. You deserve to have what makes you happy and fulfilled.

If I'm honest with myself, he was a very experienced dom who knew what he was doing (mostly; if anyone was looking at the kink thread yesterday, I'm the one who was injured during a scene), but he never wanted to own me, which is a big part of my power dynamic, personally. (Feels like TMI, but hey, you asked.)

A normal part of experiencing mourning is down to the fact that you are accepting that your future won't be as you had imagined it. That fits here. You may or may not have had a strong emotional connection with him, but you did have an idea of how your (immediate) future would play out, and that no longer stands. It's quite normal to feel that.

Ugh. Thank you for saying this, it feels silly to have feelings when there weren't ~feelings~, but the idea that I'm mourning more what could have been is comforting.

What's that word for a loss of something less tangible and concrete that still causes mourning? They used it on a TV show and joked about it a little, but I found the idea comforting.

FWB or FB end up that way. It sounds like you had some attachment to him, whether you admit it or not. Sucks, but that's the kind of deal you guys struck. He has no obligation to you, but I think you already know all that.

[ SECRET POST #2170 ]

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