fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2170 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2170 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Nikita (CW)]

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[The Pirates! Band of Misfits]

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[Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell]

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[Star Wars Expanded Universe]

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[Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Angel the Series]

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[Avengers/MCU, Steve Rogers and Tony Stark]

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08.

[Go On]

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[Star Trek: Deep Space Nine]

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[Sailor Moon]

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[Persona 4]

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[Kili/Tauriel, The Hobbit]

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13.

[How to Destroy Angels/Mariqueen Maandig]

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[Glee]

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[Les Revenants]

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[The Walking Dead]

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17.

[The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest]

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18.

[Gyakuten Saiban/Ace Attorney]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #310.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So, a couple of days ago a friend of mine asked me out. It wasn't completely out of the blue but I was still pretty surprised. Since I'm going to be moving to another city in January for a couple months for work and we wouldn't be seeing each other until the spring, I basically told him that I didn't think it would be a good time for me to start a relationship, and that if he was still interested in four months he could ask me again. I feel kind of bad saying something like that but I honestly don't think that I could get into a relationship just as I have to worry about moving out and starting a new job. He's a great guy and everything, but I'm not entirely sure I like him in that way, either.

All this leads me to a couple of questions for you, FS. Have you ever gone out with a friend? How did it happen? Did it end up working out? Give me your experiences (and maybe advice while you're at it, lol)!

To be honest, I've never so much as kissed a guy I hadn't been friends with for at least a few months. So far, nothing has worked out long-term, but I don't think that was due to those guys being my friends, rather we were better suited as friends than romantic partners.

I actually find the idea of dating a relative stranger and trying to get to know each other in the context of making an explicit attempt at a romantic relationship to be a little off-putting. (How do you know that you're not just telling each other what you each want to hear?) I'll probably have to try, though, since my circle of friends and acquaintances has remained stable in recent years. I don't currently know anyone I want to date who might return the interest, and I'm just not meeting new people...

I feel the same way about trying to get to know someone and date them at the same time. But I'm starting to think I only feel that way philosophically, because last year I was abruptly majorly attracted to a girl I didn't even know, and I definitely wanted to do both at the same time with her. She wasn't interested, but I would have defied my own ideas about dating and friendship.

I don't actually have any advice, but I'm afraid I might be in a similar situation soon. She's been dropping hints which I pretend I don't get (really mature, I know) and hope this situation will just go away.

The saddest thing is that a few years ago, I would have been over the moon with happiness. My initial crush on her has also led to our friendship having flirty undertones fairly often (plenty of people have thought we're a couple), so I now sometimes feel I may be leading her on while I just didn't want to completely change the tone of the friendship. Ugh, awkward.

Sorry for the tl;dr, I guess I just needed to vent.

I almost went out with two of my guy friends, but cut that off pretty quickly, because a) I realised I was more in love with the idea of someone being in love with me (if that makes sense), and b) now they're more like brothers to me than dating material.

That, and going out with them could have gotten messy and the whole group would've been involved, and I don't have time for that.

Yes. We had a good-sized time gap between the "asking out" and the date itself, too, since at the time, we weren't in the same city and he was more like a family friend who'd crash on my couch a couple times a year during business trips (he was close friends with one of my siblings first; we had hung out, but talked about and done absolutely nothing outside the realm of friendship until he asked me out). So the time elapsed from when he first asked me out, via chat (I felt and responded similarly to you then, since I was looking to move for school within the next year), to the time we actually went out was something like 9 months (although I decided to ask him if he was still interested after a few months).

We're married now, but even knowing what we did about each other going into it, I think dating cast a very different light on each other for both of us. There was a good deal of mental re-arrangement, at least on my part, about what each of us wanted, were able to give, and expected from each other in this different relationship. But I think our initial friendship helped us be both more upfront and at ease at explaining uncertainties or stumbling blocks we had while dating, as well. Though I will say our first date, where we did "date things" -- dress up, dinner, movie, etc., in a part of town neither of us had really gone to before -- was kind of awkward and didn't really become relaxed until we got back to more familiar haunts and conversation. Also, he apparently wasn't sure by the time it rolled around if that day was actually "the" date, or just another visit... Incidentally, our first date was also about a month before I moved for school, even further from where he lived. And even though it worked out, the two of us really had to have patience and work at and through things, so I definitely understand your nixing the timing for your move.

So, uh, hopefully that's of some help? At any rate, good luck with your move and new job!

I've only ever been in relationships with people who were friends first. I can't imagine going out with someone I don't really know. I'd feel so awkward.

I don't really have any advice, but good luck to you! I hope you two can remain friends at least, whatever you decide.

[ SECRET POST #2170 ]

Going out with a friend

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Re: Going out with a friend

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Re: Going out with a friend

Re: Going out with a friend

Re: Going out with a friend