[ SECRET POST #2177 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2177 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 058 secrets from Secret Submission Post #311.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

06. http://i.imgur.com/xdS5S.png

[(Anonymous)]

Welp, one more book goes into my pile of books to be read, then.

[inkdust]

I didn't tell my parents until I was several months into a serious relationship with a girl. But I had told all of my friends long before that, which helped a lot. I hope you might have at least one friend you feel like you can tell.

[lilacsigil]

Erica/Ashley 4eva! I read the book when I was about 11...and read it over, and over, and over...

[(Anonymous)]

Whether or not you turn out to be bi, you're going to disappoint your parents.

That's not a value judgment on you, that's just how the whole thing works. Even if you have good parents who care about you, they're probably going to be disappointed at some point by how you turned out. Nobody has higher hopes for you than your parents (and this goes double if you're an only child, but even if you have siblings, your parents saw baby-you as a limitless gold mine of potential.) And nobody's good at everything, or can do everything that their parents hoped they could do. You could be a rocket scientist/brain surgeon who volunteers every weekend and has a ton of hobbies and friends, and your parents might be disappointed by... I don't know, that you suck at keeping your house tidy. Or that you're dating too much/too little. Or that you don't have any of the same hobbies as they do and they can't connect to you through them. Or that your partner annoys them, or that your sense of dress annoys them, or that you don't want babies, or that you have the wrong politics... etc etc etc.

Parents aren't bad people, they just have a lot of time with you before you develop into a full person, and in that time they're developing this mental image of who you're going to become. Part of being a parent is reconciling your expectations of your kid with who that kid actually is. Some parents are very mature about it and don't put that burden on their kids. Sometimes there's an initial clash about it, and eventually it can be worked out if both sides try to understand each other.

I don't mean to minimize the pain of having your parents not understand your sexual orientation (it was awful when I went through it, that's for sure.) But unless your family is the type to be violently homophobic or try to "cure" you, you shouldn't let them get in the way of exploring who you are and being your genuine self. This isn't the first thing your parents won't be happy about, and everyone I know whose parents were initially disappointed with their sexual orientation eventually came around. And if you think your parents are going to be terrible about it, you still don't owe it to them to try not to be queer. You never owe it to your family to change or deny your sexual orientation. You never owe it to your family to change anything important about yourself.

Here is what you owe to your family: don't leech off their money if you don't have to, and try your best to have a respectful relationship as long as they're not abusing you or anything. You don't have to agree with them, especially on really personal stuff. You don't always have to be happy with them.

Also, plenty of parents were supportive about their queer children, even when said children didn't expect them to be.

It's okay to be worried, but don't feel like you owe it to your parents to be straight, because you don't. Whatever happens, you owe it to you to be honest with yourself and to question if you need to question.

[(Anonymous)]

Fact.

My family's still disappointed in me because I'm not like, 1.70m tall and weigh 36 kilos or something. Yeah. Giving up on trying to please them now.

[eaten_by_bears]

Being bi won't hurt your parents. If they want to make a fuss about it, that's their own lookout. You're not responsible for coddling their homophobia.

[diet_poison]

This is a good way of looking at it. Your orientation (whatever it may be) won't hurt your parents - their narrow-mindedness will be what hurts them if that does indeed happen.