fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2179 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2179 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 020 secrets from Secret Submission Post #311.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

so stupid to say this here, but whatever, I don't care what anyone thinks

two years ago this week I nearly ended it and I got treatment and my mental state is better, almost, at least I can actually cry and experience emotions now, but I'm certainly not functional and have nothing and nothing to offer anyone besides FUCKING FANFIC

so, I'm probably going to self-harm tonight. I can't afford to call a hotline, they'll send me to a hospital.

They can help, anon.

https://www.imalive.org/

I hope it gets better for you.

I'm talking to one of their volunteers now

thank you

Are you looking for help, or is this another one of those 'I'm going to harm myself and none of you can stop me, I hope you all drown in your guilt, muahahaha!" posts?

This isn't a cry for attention if that's what you're asking

Hotlines can't call the hospital if they don't know where you are. Talk to them but don't give your address. IDK if they can trace where your call is coming from, but if so, call on a pay phone or a cell in a public place, so you can leave if necessary.

Thank you for understanding

Better is better, anon. Any "better" is good. I know it's a slow and incredibly frustrating process, but you are literally living proof to yourself right now that things can get better.

And hey, being able to write fanfic is great. I know I can't do it very well.

thank you

I'm not going to try to convince you to call a hotline if you don't want. I completely understand that there are so many reasons why you might want to avoid a hospital. But do you think you can, at the very least, try to keep from hurting yourself too badly? You can talk to people here, too. I'd be happy to listen, and I'm sure many other people would. I'll probably be up all night because this December 21st thing is kind of freaking me out a bit, so we can chat if you want. We can do it through email if you'd rather it not be public.
I've just been in a similar place and I want to make sure you make it through. I hope you can understand that I mean this honestly.

Anon, that's not true! Even if you feel like all you can do for people is fanfic, fanfic makes people really happy! And I'm not just saying that to cheer you up, I think you're really selling yourself short.

Take a step back before you hurt yourself. I've been upset enough to want to claw at myself(though I admit that I think others have it far worse than me, I was kind of terrified at the realization when it hit me), and it wasn't for at least a day before I could stop and rationalize the thoughts that were in my head.

No one sees your situation as badly as you do, and while you can sit there and say that that's because they don't understand you, you are also still recovering and are being unnecessarily hard on yourself.

Things will get better.

Would it help you if someone requested a fic to keep your mind distracted from it?

but

but fanfic is awesome

fanfic was the only thing keeping me half-way sane when I went through my own bout of years long depression

I'm still incredibly fond of it, too

Not OP but thank you for this. And OP, I guess fic is better than nothing. Definitelg better than all the so- called 'writers' who can't write for shit.

Hey, fanfic is good <3 And I'm sure although you can't see it there is at least one person in your life whose life is better just because you've either been in it and you're not in contact anymore or if you're still in contact with them or even in the future I'm sure there will be plenty of people whose lives will be a little better for meeting you.

Hang in there. Life is rough and I'm glad someone linked you to imalive. Things will get better even though they're shitty now. After a certain low, the only way to go is up <3

Stay strong, anon, you're in my thoughts.

[ SECRET POST #2179 ]

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