[ SECRET POST #2181 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2181 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 100 secrets from Secret Submission Post #312.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 1 2 (again) - repeat ], [ 4 - trolls ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[aquila_black]

I ... guess that might be the explanation for it?

I've been in different places, emotionally, in terms of what death is/means. As a kid, it horrified me. It was this terrible thing that people seemed all philosiphical and accepting of because they didn't have any choice about it. But I was convinced that the second someone figured out how to make people live forever, everyone would want to. Yeah, I know. I was little, and life was awesome!thing that I was sure I'd never get enough of.

I was also science-minded and an atheist, so I got into my first theological arguments early on. And one of the big arguments against non-existence was "I can't imagine it. Can you?" At first, I couldn't. But then I had a dream about being dead. It's hard to describe, but it was like ... if you've ever lost your sense of self, however briefly, and been still. I wasn't, in an existential sense, and I couldn't even be aware of that until I came back to myself. I can't know if it's really like that, obviously, but it gave me a sense of "oh. That's not scary at all." And a strange sort of peace, because I'd been really distressed that billions of other creatures had died too. You know? As a five year old, it hurt that the dinosaurs were all gone. Knowing that even completely disappearing wouldn't necessarily be bad made me more okay with the idea that I wouldn't exist now, if it weren't for all these other beings that died and disintegrated before me. It made it *feel* okay that I would die.

I'm talking about this in terms of feelings and subjective experiences because I think, when you get right down to it, religion isn't speaking a language of intellect or logic. What you know because it has been researched generally fits "I want information" better than "I want to feel the resonance of the universe." I just needed my own way of connecting with the latter because religion doesn't do it for me, and never has.