Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-12-29 02:53 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-12-29 02:53 pm
[ SECRET POST #2188 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2188 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 102 secrets from Secret Submission Post #313.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-12-30 01:21 am (UTC)(link)I do think people frequently blur the lines between criticizing the totally unsafe and emotionally abusive aspects of the books and criticizing completely valid kinks and sexual preferences. There is nothing wrong with a woman being submissive. (That criticism has always burned me in the same way that hating women who informedly want to cook/clean/stay at home with kids or whatever. Yeah, maybe part of it does come from internalized social norms-- but we're all always in dialogue with social norms, whether we're rejecting old ones for a new set or maintaining tradition. As long as it really is a free choice, why should you get to decide what valid motivations are? It's ridiculous and totally opposed to my views on feminism, which pretty much involve free, informed, not coerced consent to any decision-- sexual or not. Anyways that was a vaguely related tangent, sorry.)
But in any case, I think your points are right on. I hate that a lot of criticism of 50 Shades, especially in popular media, comes with the punchline "lol they like dominance/submission/pain/anything less than vanilla sex." That's... not really the point. I have zero problem with BDSM, and I think it seems pretty natural that people are into power play in bed, however far they take it, because of its prevalence in our lives and relationships in general. I mean, I would say that I find plenty of the ideas in 50 Shades promisingly hot, if they were done well/consensually without the really gross trappings of extremely dubious consent, coercion, and emotional manipulation. Basically, it's not the sex I object to, it's the relationship, and its portrayal as ideal.
But I wish more criticism came with a why and an acceptance of the lifestyle, condemning the complete flouting of "safe, sane, and consensual" instead.
I will say I think the abundance of criticism of 50 Shades is pretty much in proportion to its ridiculous prevalence. I also think a lot of criticism of it, even putting hatedom aside, comes from a place of truly gross misogyny, which hates the idea of women having active sexual drives and kinks (even if those kinks involve submission to a man). I also think it's totally ridiculous to say that anyone will be messed up because they got off to 50 Shades-- let's be honest, people got off to dominance/submission/sadism/masochism/whatever kink you want to name long before 50 Shades came around and apparently said it was "okay." So... that seems dumb. People are into what they're into, and they tend to figure it out without a book to tell them it exists. And of all the kinks, I feel like dominance/submission has to be one of the oldest. In any case, those criticisms seem pretty dumb to me. And I think it's dangerous, because it's a kink (can you even really call it a kink? It always just seemed kind of... idk. There. Part of sex.) that lots of people are bound to share, and their first introduction to the scene is unsafe and bound up in a lot of really problematic things, and part of me does worry about that. But, idk, I don't mean to concern troll, it just seems kind of sad that people read this instead of good, sexy, accurate fiction.
So... a longwinded way of saying I agree with you.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-12-30 01:28 am (UTC)(link)