Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2013-01-29 06:39 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2013-01-29 06:39 pm
[ SECRET POST #2219 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2219 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
01.
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02.
[Oofuri]
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03.
[Adventure Time]
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04.
[How I Met Your Mother]
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05.
[Gangnam Style/PSY]
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06.
[Arthur Conan Doyle]
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07.
[Sherlock]
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08.
[Richard Armitage]
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09.
[Bioshock 1&2, Heavy Rain, Silent Hill 1&3, Alias, Taken 1&2, Once Upon A Time]
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10.
[Lizzie Bennet Diaries]
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11.
[Steam Powered Giraffe]
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12.
[Buffy the Vampire Slayer]
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13.
[Ghost World/Safety Not Guaranteed]
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14.
[Patalliro]
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15.
[Bones]
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16.
[Hetalia]
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17.
[Dynasty Warriors]
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #317.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - personal attack ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Getting it out
(Anonymous) 2013-01-30 03:20 am (UTC)(link)I argued somewhat with my father about this. He would fight, and he does not see the point in not fighting. I said to him that she is going to die either way, and that she has accepted it, and that it's her prerogative. He agreed, but still could not fully understand.
I do understand, but it's still so hard. She will die within the year. She will fucking die. I am drinking myself silly right now, but that relieves the shock and the pain only for the moment. I cannot, and would not wish to, drink every night until she passes.
I don't expect anything. I only wanted to share, to get it out. My IRL outlets have been exhausted, yet the pain still persists, so I write and hope for exorcism. Every little bit helps, or so they say. I almost feel selfish, for my pain pales in comparison to hers. But pain it still is, and I must overcome it if I am to be there for her.
Re: Getting it out
Re: Getting it out
(Anonymous) 2013-01-30 05:17 am (UTC)(link)But both your aunt's pain, and your own grief, are both legitimate.
If there was something I could do to fix it or to make it better, I would, but I'm just a random internet anon. All I have to offer is my sympathy.
Re: Getting it out
(Anonymous) 2013-01-30 08:09 am (UTC)(link)My grandmother died last year. We were taking care of her night and day as she deteriorated - there was literally nothing modern medicine could do to heal her, and she grew up at a time when hospitals were where you went to die alone. So obviously, on an emotional level, that wasn't an option. It was agonizing, painful, and difficult for all of us, and she became much less lucid as she slipped away. It was traumatic, but hopefully some of what I learned will help you.
-You don't know how long your aunt or anyone else has. Medicine makes predictions and it's gotten more accurate over the years, but doctors estimate, and they're often wrong. My grandmother rallied a number of times when none of us thought she was going to make it, and that was great, but the emotional down-and-up could be really hard. Be grateful for what you have, and don't let people push false certainties on you.
-Treatment for diseases with a bad prognosis often consists of making the survivors feel like they're "fighting this" and "doing something." Often it doesn't significantly prolong the patient's life and magnifies their suffering. So what to do is their call, and standing up for what they want is terribly important. It can make a huge difference in quality of life, and in their feeling like they still have some say over what happens to them. I'm cheering you on for defending your aunt's choice.
-Death is the ultimate lesson in not procrastinating. There are two kinds of regrets: things you could have done, and didn't, and things you will never get enough of. The latter is inevitable. The former isn't. Showing someone that you love them while they're alive is the best way of being at peace with them. When she's feeling up to it, make time to do meaningful things with your aunt. Bring her food and flowers (assuming she likes flowers). Consciously talk about substance and be prepared to listen without trying to distract her from real things. A lot of people can't sit with the fact that a loved one is going to die, but that's also important. Part of what she's going to need are people to accompany her.
-Lean on whatever support network you have. Let them know what's going on and what you're feeling. Writing a lot also helped me. Death pushes your buttons, whether you're the one dying or not. It makes you question how you're living and what's important, and that's a blessing in disguise. But it's also emotionally difficult.
There's more, but it's ungodly late where I am and I think (hope) I addressed the most important parts. Oh - please don't numb yourself any more than you have to. Pain is scary and uncomfortable and it's supposed to come out.