[ SECRET POST #2229 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2229 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


#16 is an animated .gif.



01.


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04.


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05. http://i.imgur.com/Xs4i0UB.jpg
[sort of porny, real person]


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06. http://oi47.tinypic.com/zk216r.jpg
[sort of porny, maybe? Jennifer's Body]



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07.


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08.


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09.
[Ripper Street]


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13.
[Warhammer 40k]


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16.


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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]












17. [SPOILERS for American Horror Story]



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18. [SPOILERS for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic]



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19. [SPOILERS for The Office]



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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]















20. [WARNING for rape, abuse]

[OP marked this as "no warnings" but there's bound to be triggery discussion in the thread]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #318.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Worrying about your partner's fidelity when they've given you no reason to doubt them just because they've had a higher than average number of sexual partners is slutshaming.

[(Anonymous)]

Except that statistically speaking the higher the number of previous partners, the higher the rate of infidelity is.

[(Anonymous)]

1) Show me those stats please

2) "Statistically speaking" means jack shit when you're dealing with an individual person who the other character is supposed to know very intimately and trust. If they have so little trust or understanding of their partner that they'd rely on statistics, that's fine, but that's not a relationship that a fic should depict as healthy.

da

[(Anonymous)]

Went a-Googling and found
http://socialpathology.blogspot.com/2010/09/infidelity-part-1.html (discusses findings of a cited study, not just blog ramblings I promise)

http://facweb.northseattle.edu/ratkins/ClassMaterials/PSYSOC230/230Activities-Instructor/13-Adult%20Years/a-Sexual_Infidelity_Married_Americans.pdf (see section on Opportunities)

http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#Infidelity

[cadremage]

I would also like to see those stats, for this has not been my experience.

[(Anonymous)]

The plural of anecdote is not data. Just because your personal experiences are outside of a statistical norm doesn't mean it's wrong and your experiences are the predominant situation. See above links.

[wauwy]

74% of statistics are made up on the spot so try again

[(Anonymous)]

^ Like this one!

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

that's fair enough, I guess I didn't pick up from the context that it was specifically because they had had a lot of sex & for no other reason

[(Anonymous)]

i don't know whether it's slutshaming or not, but it's fairly realistic. most people who come from the perspective of not sleeping with a large variety of people would find it difficult not to worry about the fidelity of somebody who is used to doing so. trust is built over time, after all, and in the beginning, while you have no reason not to trust them, you don't really have a reason to trust them, either. making that worry into an issue would be pointless of course.

[(Anonymous)]

So basically "Trust me! From now on I will be content to only be with one person, even though I was never content with that in the past. I'm totally into long term relationships even though all my previous ones (and there are many) lasted days, hours, or minutes before I got bored with them."

You know, the person might be shooting one hundred precent straight, but you can't blame their partner for having worries that they won't find long term monogamy as enjoyable and fulfilling as they are saying they will.

As others have said, trust has to be earned, not automatically granted. Especially when someone is breaking from a life-long habit.

[(Anonymous)]

Except worrying that your partner will cheat on you is not the same as worrying that they'll break up with you because they ended up not enjoying monogamy.

Unless the person has cheated in the past the big worry is that they'll break up with you because they don't enjoy long term relationship - not that they'll cheat on you.

[(Anonymous)]

Nope. That would work if they were saying "Trust me! Even though I've tried to commit to a long-term relationship about ten times before and failed miserably every time, it'll be fine this time!" Or if they were saying "Trust me! Even though I cheated on several of my partners in the past because I couldn't stand monogamy, it'll be fine this time!"

Their "life-long habit" isn't a life-long habit of cheating, or a life-long habit of failing at long-term relationships. It's a habit of having sex with casual partners because they weren't interested in serious ones yet. If the new person is not a casual partner, it's an entirely different ballgame for the promiscuous person.

If the promiscuous person has been in a long term relationship before in between the casual sex and behaved well during that relationship, that's evidence they can handle a long term relationship. If they've never, ever been in a long-term relationship before, that's evidence they're trying something entirely new and making a big change in their lives. Either way, their sexual promiscuity doesn't set out anything resembling a template for how they will treat their current long-term partner.

[wauwy]

I'd say it's human nature, when a character treats sexual conquests as notches on bedposts, to be worried you're going to be the same.

But you know, that starts to play into the difference between what men and women are allowed and expected to do in sexual relationships, and this thread is not here for THAT, no sir.

[(Anonymous)]

But how about if they don't treat their partners as conquests or notches on their bedposts. What if they just like having a lot of casual sex?

Or if you truly can't wrap your mind around the concept of liking sex and having multiple casual partners while still respecting them as a person, let's just say people's attitudes towards sex are less neurotic in the 23rd century than they are now?

[(Anonymous)]

The other half of this secret is Tony, who clearly shows no respect for the one night fling in Iron Man. He has Pepper take care of her, and Pepper refers to that as "taking out the trash" to the woman's face.

Not that the woman was a stellar personality herself, but Tony (Pepper as well, but Tony himself) is shown to be horrendous in his attitude toward casual sex partners.