[ SECRET POST #2230 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2230 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.


__________________________________________________



09.


__________________________________________________



10.


__________________________________________________



11.


__________________________________________________



12.


__________________________________________________



13.


__________________________________________________



14.


__________________________________________________



15.


__________________________________________________



















Notes:

Early because blizzard, not quite sure if power will last.

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 103 secrets from Secret Submission Post #319.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

09. http://i.imgur.com/OHbbZfh.png

[(Anonymous)]

OK, hold up. You don't know their age and their sexual preference?

This person isn't a fandom friend. They're an acquaintance.

[(Anonymous)]

Hmm, I think you can be friends without exchanging all your vital statistics. Maybe not super-close friends, but friends.

[(Anonymous)]

That's not really what the secret says. Sexual preference-wise, OP says they're not compatible, not that they don't know their crush's preference. As for age, it's not uncommon for people to keep their age relatively secret in fandom, and it sounds like OP knows in broad terms how old their crush is, like "middle-aged" or "old enough to have grown children" or something like that.

Besides, crushing on acquaintances isn't uncommon, and the level of personal information OP knows about their crush doesn't dictate how they can feel about them. If OP were considering taking some kind of action with regards to their crush, it might be prudent for them to know more details in order to guess whether taking action would do more harm than good, but since OP seems decided on keeping this a secret, I don't think it matters.

[(Anonymous)]

It's not uncommon for people to keep their age a secret in fandom, but if you're actually friends with a person, you typically know around a 3-year space or have enough information to figure it out. Otherwise they're just that: an acquaintance.

People can have crushes on acquaintances all they want, but I find acquaintance crushes kind of creepy.

[(Anonymous)]

I want to disagree, but I'm trying to think of any fandom friends I've had where I didn't eventually know their age.

In OP's defense, I don't know many middle aged fandom friends, and they might be more inclined to keep their age a secret.

[diet_poison]

Why are you so hellbent on finding a meter with which you can measure whether someone's ~really your friend?

[(Anonymous)]

So basically every crush a person has in middle school and high school is creepy.

[(Anonymous)]

I have people I've been good, RL friends with for years and years and have been to multiple birthday parties for and only vaguely know their age? Some people don't actually consider exact age to be a very fact about someone.

[kamino_neko]

Fuck, I only vaguely know my own age half the time. Ask me how old I am, and half the time I'll have to do the math to tell you.

[(Anonymous)]

I've got a good friend IRL whom I've known for ten years, and he often forgets his own age. So, what are the odds of me knowing it? Ha! I know he's gotta be somewhere between 30 and 33 now,but that's as close as I'm probably ever going to get.

[(Anonymous)]

You're an idiot. I don't know my two best friends' exact ages, because 1) where I'm from it's considered fucking rude to ask and 2) I DON'T CARE. Someone's age isn't going to change how I feel about them in any way shape or form, so why do I need to know? I know when to say "happy birthday" and that's all I need to know.

I don't know their sexual orientation either! /GASP Because asking that is even more rude than asking someone's age! I don't intend to hop into bed with either of them, therefore, it is not my business.

Christ, you must be a really nosey and annoying friend to have.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

This, so much. The idea that you need to play trivia with a set of socially predetermined questions before you can claim to be someone's friend is beyond idiotic. Unless their age or sexual preference is a determining factor for whether you'll be friends with them, I don't see any reason to bring it up.

OP

[(Anonymous)]

No, they're a friend. I do know their sexual preferences and I don't exactly match. I don't know their exact age but I've never felt the need to ask. What does it matter if they're 49 or 53 or something else? How is that relevant to our friendship? Its not like we're buying each other birthday cakes each year or something.

I know their full name and what university they went to. I've read the papers they've published. We talk every day through text. We call each other at least once a week. We've met irl a few times at events and meetups. I'm pretty comfortable calling them a <3~friend~<3 even though I don't know their age or favorite color or whatever.

[(Anonymous)]

Sometimes you are friends with people you really wouldn't mind fucking.

But for some reason, you can't.

You're married, they're married, the million and one possible life circumstances that would make it extremely incovenient to impossible to sex them up.

It is totally and completely possible to have a productive friendship with a person like this and not have ever lost anything.

I mean, if you're only interested in a romantic relationship with the person and not at all in a platonic one, okay, you're fucked (though I can't imagine your hypothetical romance would have been much of one anyway.)

Friendships aren't a consolation prize.

Figure out what your priorities are here, and mold your relationship into one you're happy with, not an alternative to what you really want.

[(Anonymous)]

either accept it will never be more and try to find happiness in your friendship/crush/whatever-it-is, or sever

[(Anonymous)]

I have similar feelings for a fandom friend too. I want to spend the rest of my life by her side because she's so brilliant, but she isn't interested in girls and she doesn't want to get married ever again so that's that.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm glad you've met someone through fandom that you feel that close to and appreciate so much. That sounds like a difficult place to be, emotionally, because you want more relationship and they have reasons not to (age difference, etc). But as someone who has had their sense of what a meaningful relationship is expanded *so much* by the internet, I want to say that what you're going through is completely human and valid.