fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2240 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2240 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #320.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 3 4 - trolls that were a little too obvious; come on, at least don't capitalize the same word in every secret. The others can slide by!].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

This comment seems kind of random. OP is presumably still here, since she (?I'm assuming) stayed long enough to submit the secret, and she said she was ashamed of how she was feeling, so I don't get what made you think she might have a debilitating fear of men that keeps her in the kitchen against her wishes IRL...

Of course she's not stuck in the kitchen (though laptops are mobile!), it's more of a figure of speech at this point. Obviously she's here, but how does she react to other places?

This fear of male-dominated spaces to the point of self-victimization by predetermining that 1. the guys will react negatively and 2. you can't possibly handle a possibly negative reaction is potentially harmful. This is particularly true of online spaces where nobody can physically harm you and you can step away.

I'm seeing too many people who care about these issues suggesting that the proper response to misogyny is to adopt a fetal position and whine. No. You fucking fight or else you'll always be stuck in the ladies ghetto. It's pink and clean and nice but it's still a ghetto.

Edited 2013-02-20 01:16 (UTC)

Well said.

I didn't mean "in the kitchen" literally, either. My point was that she didn't leave F!S so there's no reason to think she'd leave other places she wants to be.

I also don't get how saying you're scared is at all the same as saying you couldn't handle yourself if something went wrong.

Anyway, I disagree with the idea of having a "proper response" to misogyny in general. Kinda sounded like you were implying there was, and if that wasn't what you meant, sorry, and ignore this next paragraph. Anyway I'm not sure where you're seeing people suggest whining about misogyny. But if a girl wants to hang out around dudebros even if it means she'll have to fight off a bunch of bullshit, that's good for her. But I think it's also valid to decide you don't want to deal with that and stay away. I'm not gonna say it's ideal to avoid men, but I don't think it's fair to insist that people who aren't comfortable around too many men MUST go out and get jobs in construction instead of the "kitchen." And this is coming from someone who tends to have an attitude of "I don't care if there are a bunch of obnoxious drunk perverted men here, if I want to go there I will!" versus the latter.

But anyway, it just sounded like you were assuming way too much about OP when all we knew about her was that she had a knee-jerk reaction to being scared of all the men on F!S and she felt bad about it.

The attitude that a woman cannot possibly enter a male-dominated space without being instantly oppressed or objectified is all over tumblr. Frankly I don't think that has much of an impact on society at large, but FandomSecrets is a fandom space and fandom is so dominated by tumblr that I figure it counts.

I guess I'm not demanding that women be brave. Bravery isn't something you control. But I don't want the lack of bravery (not the same as cowardice) to be actively encouraged, either. Does that make sense?

I think a lot of people are so wrapped up in the idea of struggle that they don't really want the struggle to end. I'm not saying the struggle is over, simply that a lot of us seem to be working to defeat ourselves. "I can't possibly fight oppression, I'm too darn oppressed."

Edited (fixed miswording) 2013-02-20 02:50 (UTC)

I get that reasoning to an extent and think some parts of tumblr take it too far. But look, speaking from experience as someone who is a gamer and tried to get involved in the forums, it's different. When there's a more even split between genders, it's easier to have a discussion and call out asshat thinking. In a gaming forum like SRK? You'll be LUCKY if you aren't dogpiled and told to shut your whore mouth just because you expressed your opinion. And that dogpiling and constant verbal abuse gets tiresome after a while.

It's not just women that have to face that attitude on gaming forums either. I've seen plenty of gay guys get dismissed on them too just because they're gay. There's not even much thoughtful discussion in those environments anyway, so I prefer an even split in genders like over here.

This is a good comment, Chard. I like the way you think ~~sometimes~~.

Edited 2013-02-20 03:13 (UTC)

A+

Beautiful comment. :)

[ SECRET POST #2240 ]

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