[ SECRET POST #248 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #248 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 06 pages, 143 secrets from Secret Submission Post #036.
Secrets Not Posted: 0 broken links, [ 1 2 3 ] not!secrets, 0 not!fandom, [ 1 2 3 ] personal attacks, [ 1 ] attempt at parody, [ 1 ] repeat.
Next Secret Post: Tomorrow, Tuesday, September 11th, 2007.
Current Secret Submission Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[ew-younerd.livejournal.com]

THIS IS THE SEXUALITY POLICE SPEAKING, LISTEN UP EVERYONE.

I am disgusted by how MESSY and COMPLICATED sexuality is. I mean, it's as if gender, hormones, environment, and the functional development of the medulla, followed by the pons, then the midbrain, the forebrain and so on does not have even slight changes that can vary greatly or slightly from individual to individual when it comes to the development of sexuality and gender ambiguity! It's as if there is a medium as opposed to two things one must fit into! No way.

You're either smart or you're legally retarded.
You're either mean or you're nice.
You're either gay or you are straight.

And there are a ton of rules to follow, and circumstances do not vary these behaviours. A nice person acting mean in a situation is not really mean due to the situation, they are actually just confused and are a nice person in disguise.

And so on and so forth. So I have organized sexuality for everyone. No one needs to be confused anymore, I'm here for them.

You are BISEXUAL if you:

-Are not a teenage girl (they can't even decide what clothes to wear in the morning, let alone what gender they prefer!)
-Have never kissed a girl you are not in love with (Because any two girls just kissing are only doing it for attention, even if there are no boys around)
-Have a perfect 50/50 preference. If you prefer any gender slightly over the other you are just playing with the other gender's heart and are a fake and a liar.


You are GAY if you:

-Like one gender and stick with it forever
-Never think of the opposite sex EVER
-Have positive experiences with the same sex to back it up, especially sexually.
-Don't just crush on fictional people of the same sex, or movie stars of the same sex, or your best friend. However if a straight person crushes on movie stars and fictional characters of the opposite sex, they are straight.
-Also, if you like slash and are a lesbian, you are secretly straight and are just a fandom lesbian. However, if you are straight and think a girl character is hot or love hentai of that girl character, then you just have a fandom crush and are secretly straight also. In fact, most people are secretly straight unless they are getting rammed up the ass/vajoo by the same sex.
-Have not been abused in any way because if you have been it is obviously this abuse that turned you gay! If you were abused by a member of the opposite sex, it turned you gay. If you were abused by a member of the same sex,it also turned you gay.




You are STRAIGHT if you:

-Are a girl and like boys
-Are a boy and like girls
-Are a girl and have a crush on a girl because it's just a phase, especially if you don't want to eat out her vagina
-Are a boy and once got with your friend while you were drunk and really liked it, because you were just drunk. HOWEVER if a lesbian gets with a guy while she is drunk she's straight END OF STORY
-If you are a girl and do not like shoving your head in OMNOM delicious vaginas
-However if you're a girl and also do not enjoy intercourse with men that much but you are in love with them anyways, you are straight but you have a sexual disorder or are immature or just haven't found the right man or something. This doesn't apply to lesbians or gay men though.
-If you are a boy and hold hands with another boy ...NOT. Sorry, you're gay.




You are ASEXUAL if:

-You don't exist.
-You are in denial.
-You just haven't found the right penis or vagina.


OKAY HAVE A NICE DAY :)

[stopping.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU FOR EXISTING. I MEAN THAT. *winks out of existence*

[sleeves.livejournal.com]

HOLY FUCKING SHIT HAVE MY BABIES BEST COMMENT IN THE FUCKING WORLD

[revulo.livejournal.com]

This was full of LOL, win, and more LOL. And some win after that.

[ronsard.livejournal.com]

IMPOSSIBLY AWESOME.

So I'm thinking when I get married -- because I am a straight faker or a faking straight or whatever and am obviously heading down that road -- instead of exchanging rings or vows me and the spouse will just give each other certificates pronouncing us as "Right Vagina" and "Right Penis". TILL MODERN MEDICINE DO US PART.

[ew-younerd.livejournal.com]

OR UNTIL YOU FIND ANOTHER SET OF GENITALIA THAT CONTRADICTS EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE D: AND TURNS YOUR WORLD UPSIDE DOWN

[ronsard.livejournal.com]

SEE THIS IS WHAT THEY SHOULD TEACH IN SCHOOL. NEXT UP IN FINE ARTS 101: MASTERPIECES DEPICTING THE HUMAN GENITALIA IN A STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS.

[(Anonymous)]

This just made me LOL.

YOU WIN!

You are awesome.

[avianthropy.livejournal.com]

THE INTERNETS.

YOU HAVE WON THEM.

[halevy.livejournal.com]

I... I found the right vagina here.

*3*

[linen-tartaruga.livejournal.com]

I'm here to add to the love! <333333

[sparklemagpie.livejournal.com]

EXCUSE ME WHILE I DIE OF HYSTERICAL LAUGH! <333 Omg, fucking pwned, I love you! XD

[roko-epsilon.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THESE RULES

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO WITHOUT THEM

[ormery.livejournal.com]

SUDDENLY EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE