Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2013-04-11 06:37 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2013-04-11 06:37 pm
[ SECRET POST #2291 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2291 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 020 secrets from Secret Submission Post #327.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2013-04-12 12:11 am (UTC)(link)So which is it? Is it that of course everyone in fandom is a straight woman who only wants to write about or think about people they want to have sex with in real life? Or is it that everyone in fandom is a lesbian who only wants to write or think about people they would NEVER want to have sex with in real life?
Say, maybe both are influenced by tens of thousands of years of overwhelming global societal pressure stating, often explicitly, that men and their close personal relationships with each other are the only things that matter? You know, as part of the prejudices and biases all living humans are swimming in, and therefore inescapably influenced by?
Oh, no. I forgot. Fans on the internet are magically immune to the biases all other living human beings are subject too. They're perfect! Silly me!
Another DA
(Anonymous) 2013-04-12 01:59 am (UTC)(link)Some of fandom is straight women who like to read and write about people they'd have sex with in real life. And some of fandom is gay women who like to read and write about people they'd have sex with in real life, some of fandom is straight women who like to read and write about people they'd never have sex with in real life, some of fandom is gay women who like to read and write about people they'd never have sex with in real life. Et fucking cetera.
And for the most part, you don't know who is who or why they like what they like.
Re: Another DA
(Anonymous) 2013-04-12 02:32 am (UTC)(link)I was being sarcastic. I agree with you completely that fandom is made up of lots of different people. The person I was talking to was using over generalizations to justify exclusive focus on men, then suddenly switched to an opposing over generalization when confronted with their fallacy.
The line of reasoning is illogical. There are many reasons why we only focus on those at the top of the kyriarchy, and some are hard to get around (historical accuracy, say), but sometimes, you might "just like" certain things for problematic reasons. Because you're human.
These arguments just come across as insanely defensive to me. It was hard for me to accept this, and took a good decade (I'm an old lady, by fandom standards), but yes, I'm sexist, homophobic, panelist, racist, classist, and everything else, despite being on the minority/repressed side of more of those categories than not. I couldn't help it; I grew up on Earth. Where'd the rest of fandom grow up? The moon?
Not throwing any frustration or snark your way, btw. This is just directed at people in general. I don't see why it's so hard to acknowledge you might be human, maybe sometimes you like or do things for reasons that aren't great. Although I didn't accept this about myself until my early thirties or so, when I got over myself a little bit...so perhaps I do understand. Sigh.
OP
(Anonymous) 2013-04-12 03:49 am (UTC)(link)I'm too tired at the moment to figure out if my response will contradict the sentiments in my OP, but thiiis. Which is actually what makes me particularly defensive when I (or other people) are then bashed and intensely criticised for, essentially, being human, so maybe our reaction differs there.
ironically from my experience people are even harsher when you're part of the minorities involved. the people at the top of the kyriarchy don't seem to get any comparable flack. but because they're at the top of the kyriarchy, I'm already biased towards them and don't want them to get said flack.
i'm so tired of fighting, though. sometimes i just want to accept my lot and have everyone leave me alone - they can be bigots towards me, i can be bigots towards them. in the end i'll lose anyway, because the odds are generally stacked against me, and if people outside the minority groups I'm a part of are really that concerned, they can do the fighting and let me be the ally for once.
Re: OP
(Anonymous) 2013-04-12 05:31 am (UTC)(link)So no worries! I've struggled with internalized self hate from all this stuff, too, which has left me very depressed at times. It's never your "fault" and you should never feel bad about it!
E-cuddles for you OP! You are awesome!
OP
(Anonymous) 2013-04-12 02:43 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Another DA
(Anonymous) 2013-04-12 04:07 am (UTC)(link)But at the end of the day, if the most I can say about why I like something is that I "just" do, then maybe I like it for problematic reasons and maybe I don't. If I really don't know the reason myself, of course I'm going to get defensive when someone else decides they can tell me what it is.
Re: Another DA
(Anonymous) 2013-04-12 05:46 am (UTC)(link)I guess one reason I feel so strongly about this is I went through phases when I was a kid where I had internalized self hate and bashed people like me. When I thought about why I liked things, sometimes the reasons weren't problematic, and sometimes they were. Once I finally got over being constantly defensive and angry, and just tried to keep an open mind, reflect sometimes, and occasionally try new things, I became much happier, both with myself and the people around me.
So it's not that I think there IS a problem with why X person likes Y thing. It's that it's a problem if X person is so positive that there couldn't possibly ever be a problem with anything they like that they won't consider it, ever. The human brain is an amazingly irrational organ...believe me, I know!
no subject
I like you.