fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2296 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2296 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11.

__________________________________________________

12.

__________________________________________________

13.

__________________________________________________

14.

__________________________________________________

15.

__________________________________________________

16.

__________________________________________________

17.

__________________________________________________

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 056 secrets from Secret Submission Post #328.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

This, SOOOO much.

Their friend might be depressed but as an adult you need to take responsibility for things. Blaming shit you've done wrong on "outside" reasons isn't okay when you put yourself in the mess you're in. I've had depression for a long time and I understand how it feels to just not want to try, to just want to give up, et cetera, but at the end of the day I can't blame failures in my life on anybody but myself.

I don't mean that in a oooh-pity-me kind of way, I hope (general) you know. It's just how it is.

That said, the OP isn't saying that pulling yourself together and stuff is easy. But listening to the whining and shit? Man that gets OLD. And it's worse when it's from someone who is fucking up their own life and all they fucking do is WHINE and want SYMPATHY and it's like: I've only got so much sympathy to offer other people, and IMO it's better spent on people who actually try and don't wallow.

It's hard to make close friends, it's hard to get through college (especially when you struggle with depression, learning disabilities, difficulties applying yourself, et cetera), and it's hard to just LIVE sometimes. But you can't just sit online whining at your internet pals about it.

SO MUCH THIS

And I also suffer from depression.

As someone who also suffers from depression, I totally agree.

'Their friend might be depressed but as an adult you need to take responsibility for things'

this doesn't make sense to me at all
is it so hard to understand that when you're depressed /you just can't/ manage to do what you'd like to do, what you know is right
you're a total fucking wreck

tl;dr quote for those who care --

At the worst stage of major depression, I had moods that I knew were not my moods: they belonged to the depression, as surely as the leaves on that tree's high branches belonged to the vine. When I tried to think clearly about this, I felt that my mind was immured, that it couldn't expand in any direction. I knew that the sun was rising and setting, but little of its light reached me. I felt myself sagging under what was much stronger than I; first I could not use my ankles, and then I could not control my knees, and then my waist began to break under the strain, and then my shoulders turned in, and in the end I was compacted and fetal, depleted by this thing that was crushing me without holding me. Its tendrils threatened to pulverize my mind and my courage and my stomach, and crack my bones and desiccate my body. It went on glutting itself on me when there seemed nothing left to feed it.

I was not strong enough to stop breathing. I knew then that I could never kill this vine of depression, and so all I wanted was for it to let me die. But it had taken from me the energy I would have needed to kill myself, and it would not kill me. If my trunk was rotting, this thing that fed on it was now too strong to let it fall; it had become an alternative support to what it had destroyed. In the tightest corner of my bed, split and racked by this thing no one else seemed to be able to see, I prayed to a God I had never entirely believed in, and I asked for deliverance. I would have been happy to die the most painful death, though I was too dumbly lethargic even to conceptualize suicide. Every second of being alive hurt me. Because this thing had drained all fluid from me, I could not even cry. My mouth was parched as well. I had thought that when you feel your worst your tears flood, but the very worst pain is the arid pain of total violation that comes after the tears are all used up, the pain that stops up every space through which you once metered the world, or the world, you. This is the presence of major depression.

[from Solomon, The Noonday Demon]

The that person needs to get intensive professional help. Which is their personal responsibility. No one can get that help for them. And if people have tried to help and the person has refused it as someone upthread mentioned, then what do you expect those people to do for them?

i don't expect their friends to do anything beyond understanding the basic fact that their friends are suffering from a debilitating disease & are not just acting irresposible and flaky

and it perfectly undestandable if those friends bail, never meant to imply anything else

Nobody is saying "you have to stick it out with your depressed friend". People are saying "If you can't stick it out with your depressed friend, get out and don't be an asshole about it."

You sound like a real peach. It's nice and wonderful that you managed to cope with your illness to this degree. Don't fucking assume other people would be able to, too.

Your "I made it so you should too!" attitude is part of the reason people don't seek the help they need, so fuck you.

(PS: I made it, but I recognise that not every depression is the same.)

As a person with depression (and I'm stuck in a pretty major episode right now), I feel like the opposite attitude is more prevalent in fandom, and is a lot more hurtful than "I made it so you should too."

(I am also aware that not everyone's depression is the same)

(PS: I made it, but I recognise that not every depression is the same.)

and that's key.

just because someone is 'depressed' doesn't mean they're suffering from clinical depression.

a lot of depression can totally suck but it's not the same crushing depression.

some people really do need to just pull their head out of their ass and it's because of assholes like you that want to keep enabling them by excusing them and saying 'OMG THEIR DEPRESSION IS SOOOOO SEVERE'.

you don't know that any better than the op might know but the op is THERE with this person and they can actually SEE some of the behaviors.

honestly, some people really do love the notoriety that 'being depressed' gives them and will wield it like a finely crafted cudgel to beat anyone down around them that finally gets enough of their self-created drama to say 'suck it up and soldier on, jerk'.

Of course talking crap to a bunch of strangers on the internet instead of actually talking to their friend directly and/or drawing boundaries - you know, productive ways of dealing with the situation - isn't actually helping anyone pull their head out of their ass.

I'm not saying OP necessarily needs to coddle their friend - I'm saying that there are ways not to coddle people that don't involve being a dick. "I made it so I get to judge everyone else now" isn't one of them.

And that's the reason why I - though in a similar situation - don't whine online. Because I know a lot of it is my own damn fault, not just the depression's, and even though I try to change, it's such a slow process and I am quite frankly embarrassed about it. Because I know that a lot of the people I know who would read my whining would think exactly like OP does - (they probably do already without any whining from me) and that's a terribly uncomfortable thought.

[ SECRET POST #2296 ]

Re: Not OP

Re: Not OP

Re: Not OP

Re: Not OP

Re: Not OP

Re: Not OP

Re: Not OP

Re: Not OP

Re: Not OP

Re: Not OP

Re: Not OP

Re: Not OP

Re: Not OP