fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2317 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2317 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

TW for mention of sexual assault

So, I broke up with my girlfriend. It's a... long story, but suffice it to say, there were compatibility issues, and we both were fresh out of very abusive relationships (in mine, I had been raped last October; I will not discuss her specifics), and... she has no sense of self-worth. The honest breaking point was that I could not deal with my own mental health issues while trying to bolster her belief in herself, when anytime I or anyone else paid a compliment, she would deny and then put herself down. (From anyone else, it would be compliment fishing, and it would be annoying, but... manageable? In her case, no, she literally believes these horrible things about herself.)

TL;DR. Two people who are very broken atm (our own words), and I just... I do not have the spoons, emotionally, mentally, or otherwise, to help. She needs more help than I can give. At the moment, it seems she will be staying here and trying to get stuff situated, but I have my concerns about how that is going to work out. I think I will be okay, but... I worry about her, and she doesn't really have many good options for other places to go. :-\

Add to all that... I'm poly, my long distance girlfriend of something like three or four years is here visiting with part of her family. Egads. Talk about worst timing possible.

*sigh*

I'm going to sound heartless here but if you couldn't help, it was better that you get out and save your own mental stability than both of you go down together.

hah, apparently I fail at putting the comments in the right place. Oh well.

I don't think it's heartless. It's pretty true. I was really not aware of just quite how bad her headspace was when I first got involved :-\

Oh no, I'm so sorry. This sounds like a rough period. Can I offer hugs?

And it's understandable when you need to walk away from a relationship when continuing it would just dangerous for your health. There are other people, who have resources available, who can help her. It will be okay.

This may sound stupid, but I learned a trick from a movie that honestly made me feel better, so I will offer it to you. Put your hand over your heart (as though you were saying a pledge), pat it gently, and say to yourself, "All is well."

When I had a friend in a really bad headspace and I was far away and terrified of her doing something drastic when I couldn't know and couldn't help, it really helped me to repeat "Expecto Patronum" in my head. I don't know what point there was to this story except to say that sometimes things you get from fiction can be a huge help, and that's okay.

*hugs accepted*

Thank you. <3

I'm very sorry to hear that, but it really does sound like you're making the best out of the choices available to you, and I really hope it goes well for both you and her.

And man, life just loves to dump on people when they're down I guess.

Good luck!

Yes, yes it does. Thank you <3

Since you're both going through so much right now I think it's understandable that you can't support her the way you may wish to and that it might be in your best interest to take a step back and concentrate on yourself. It's unfortunate that things turned out this way, but if you can't handle the relationship there's nothing else to do.

I know it's difficult, but try not to beat yourself up about it. There's only so much one person can do and eventually she would have to work through some stuff on her own anyway.

Hope everything works out for both of you.

Thanks :)

she literally believes these horrible things about herself

ugh this is one of the worst things ever. i wish i had some advice to give but i'm not sure there is any. i also wish that i had the power to make it rain fluffy puppies on sad people which might resolve the first problem for a short period.

Especially if they're corgis :)

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