fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2327 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2327 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

#14 is a moving .gif.

01.

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02.

[Sofia the First]

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03.

[Once Upon a Time]

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04.

[Tara Strong, John de Lancie]

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05.

[Iron Man 3]

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06.

[Cristiano Ronaldo]

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07.

[BriTANick]

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08.

[Teen Wolf]

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09.

[Community]

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10.

[Batman movies (Nolan)]

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11.

[Nine Inch Nails]

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12.

[Harry Potter]

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13.

[Romeo and Juliet, 1968]

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14.

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

15. [SPOILERS for Supernatural]

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16. [SPOILERS for Star Trek: Into Darkness]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

17. [repeat]

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18. [WARNING for suicide]

[Supernatural]

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19. [WARNING for non-con]

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20. [WARNING for dubcon]

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21. [WARNING for eating disorders]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #332.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

This is kind of a silly problem to have but I thought maybe some of you had similar experiences.

So there's a sports fandom I used to be in as a kid, followed it passionately into my teens and then abandoned it for various reasons. I have an internet friend who I've known forever but only met in real life last year when I visited his city. We hung out & had a great time, during which he mentioned this sports fandom and how he'd been following it a lot lately. Then a month or so back, I caught some of this sport on TV and was suddenly enticed to get back into it, and did so, hardcore. I started talking to this friend on Facebook about the sport and we had a good long talk about it, so I was psyched - finally we shared a fandom again, after years, and I was buzzing with excitement for this fandom!

Then I aired an opinion on our Facebook chat that I later found out it one of his pet peeves - I accidentally discovered his tumblr (while surfing said fandom's tags), and apparently it's a view mostly spouted by pretty idiotic fans. My opinion was genuine, but I didn't want to come off as one of those annoying fans (who I've since run into and come to loathe myself), so I wrote back something like, "Sorry, I just learned that's kind of a cliché opinion among idiot fans! I'll try to be less a newbie from now on", and talked about something else. Facebook says he saw the message, but I haven't heard back from him. Total silence since Monday, and he's been online a bunch (based on his tumblr and FB updates etc).

Cue paranoia that he now hates me or is irritated by the prospect of me chatting to him about this fandom because I am not just a newbie fan, but a newbie fan with annoying views. He has some history with unresponsiveness but ugh. Now, if he decides to ignore me based on something as silly as that, good riddance - shows he doesn't care enough about me as a friend to just be straight with me, or share his take on the matter, or whatever. I don't like losing friendships but that's a secondary problem.

Right now I'm more bummed out that this is making me less excited about my rediscovered fandom. I associate him with this fandom so much, quite often when I'm on tumblr or surfing a website related to the sport, I can't help but think about him and how our communication has hit this hitch on his part. It also doesn't help that this fandom isn't all that friendly to newcomers, especially female newcomers, and even on tumblr there's a lot of hatred towards "fangirls". I would have loved to have this progressive, awesome, funny guy friend guide me through this fandom, and also somebody to just talk to, since none of my other friends really get it.

tl;dr I associate my new favorite fandom too strongly with a friend who very suddenly stopped communicating with me. How does one dis-associate fandoms from people who inspired you to get into them?

That's tough. I associate stuff really easily, so I get how it would be a problem. Idk what can be done about it, I mean it's pretty difficult to get rid of those things. Maybe try to associate it with something else? Kind of a weird comparison, but whenever I start to associate a song with something I try to listen to it a lot without that context, or in a different context, and after a while the original association is a lot less strong. Maybe something similar might work? Otherwise I think only letting some time pass and letting the association fade will help.

This. If it doesn't go away after a while, either try to replace the association with something good or associate it with a lot of different things to dilute it.

AYRT - I know, I'm just a super-associative person to a flaw. Thankfully I don't have any triggers, since that could end very badly, and me associating a lot of things with the traumatic experience, and hence being triggered often.

The music thing is a good idea, thanks. I'm also trying to explore tumblr, because even with its young-skewing fanbase, this fandom looks relatively easy to enter on there, than an old message board where everybody involved has posted for 14 years or so. On tumblr I can just do my thing.

If he's old enough to have a tumblr/facebook than he should be old enough to understand that other people are going to have different opinions from you. Your friend probably saw your post, saw your apology, couldn't think of anything to say, and moved on. Give him some space and reach out again later.

As for disassociating fandoms from friends...can't help you, Dude.

AYRT here. You're absolutely right, of course. Friends should be able to handle disagreements. Which is why I suspect your interpretation is probably correct - at first he couldn't think of what to say as to not railroad my views or launch into a rant about his pet peeves and then just stayed quiet. I'm a very easily communicating person, especially online, so I sort of don't get why you wouldn't reply with even just a few lines, but I don't live in his head so I don't know his reasons for doing things.

Your advice is good, though. There's a match on Monday night, so I'll shoot him a message on Tuesday about the outcome of it, and see if he responds. Thanks a lot!

It sucks to lose a friend, but never apologize for having an opinion if it hasn't changed. If friend can't handle that. BE FINDING BETTER FRIENDS.

I think after some time apart from this fellow you'll know if you still have the fandom or not. Hopefully you do.

AYRT. I'm doing stuff on tumblr in this fandom, and it's getting a bit better. I don't run into his tumblr that often, since it's still a relatively big fandom, so yeah. Looks like the situation is hopefully improving on its own.

If he has a history of unresponsiveness, then it probably isn't anything to do with your "newbie" opinions. Also, try not to feel bad about having opinions that more established fans consider uncool. Your opinions are yours, and real friends can handle minor disagreements.

Last year, I sort of was in the same fandom as a RL friend, but we couldn't really discuss it that much because our views were pretty different. Now when I spend time with her, I sometimes forget we both like [fandom].

nayrt

Yeah, this! See if he is the type to normally respond right away to comments, or if leaving comments un-replied or going through periods or not replying is his thing.

AYRT - His history of unresponsiveness has annoyed me in the past, because it's really random and usually ends with no explanation, but after sleeping on it (Euro timezone here), you're probably right.

Considering my best friend disagrees with me on a lot of fandom related things and we discuss these things despite that all the time, you're right. Real friendships can handle disagreements.

[ SECRET POST #2327 ]

Disassociating fandoms from friends?

Re: Disassociating fandoms from friends?

Re: Disassociating fandoms from friends?

Re: Disassociating fandoms from friends?

Re: Disassociating fandoms from friends?

Re: Disassociating fandoms from friends?

Re: Disassociating fandoms from friends?

Re: Disassociating fandoms from friends?

Re: Disassociating fandoms from friends?

Re: Disassociating fandoms from friends?

Re: Disassociating fandoms from friends?