[ SECRET POST #2336 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2336 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 081 secrets from Secret Submission Post #334.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

A comment in the anon meme got me thinking.

What counts as sex in your opinion? Does what qualifies change depending on your orientation?

Also, what is your definition of virginity? Is it possible to have had sex and still be a virgin? (Common sense says no, but I've come across people who consider themselves to have had sex, but also consider themselves virgins because they haven't engaged in specific sexual activities.)

I'm curious to see what people think...

Re: What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

if you're not bleeding after sex you're doing it wrong

Re: What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

That's disturbing.

Re: What counts as sex?

[dethtoll]

hahaha

Re: What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

Do both parties have to be bleeding, then? If not, is one of them doing it right and the other doing it wrong when they had sex with each other? Or does only one person have to be bleeding for them both to be doing it right?

Re: What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

There's sexual activity, which is an umbrella term, and then there's sexual intercourse, which falls under the umbrella of sexual activity. A lot of people only consider sexual intercourse to be "real sex" which I find pretty laughable.

Re: What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

In my definition everything you do with another person with the intention of getting an orgasm counts as sex.

Re: What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

+1

Though, "getting or giving" rather than just "getting." Many forms of sex are only orgasm-inducing to one participant at a time.

Re: What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

As a most general catch-all definition, I'd say it's being brought to orgasm by someone else through direct contact with them, and occasionally bringing someone else to orgasm.

Like I'd count receiving oral/manual sex as sex, but wouldn't count giving oral/manual as sex. I wouldn't count mutual masturbation as sex, since there's no direct contact. And I'd count anal/vaginal sex as sex even if one person -usually the receiving end - doesn't get off. I think I think of o/m in a different category from a/v because the former are rather more of giving/receiving acts, whereas the latter can share the pleasure, even if it doesn't happen all the time.

As for virginity, I think it's a rather outdated concept, but - with my personal definition of sex - I'd say it's someone who hasn't had sex.

Re: What counts as sex?

[aubry]

I don't think that's a bad working definition.

But then if there are nights when you do all the things you'd normally do, but you're both wrecked and surrender to snuggling and sleep before either of you actually get off, would you really say you hadn't had sex that night? (I'm - er - hypothesising for a friend.)

Re: What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

Why wouldn't giving oral count as sex? Just like with vaginal/anal sex, you still might have a dick in a body orifice.

Re: What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

If either partner puts their hand, mouth, or genitals against the other's genitals and the intention is sexual pleasure it is sex.

but also consider themselves virgins because they haven't engaged in specific sexual activities

These people are hilarious.

Re: What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, but not as hilarious as the people who try to "re-virginize" themselves by taking a break from having sex or getting their hymen surgically reconstructed.

Re: What counts as sex?

[cassandraoftroy]

"Virginity" in the sense of some sort of purity, I see as an outmoded and unhealthy concept. "Virginity" in the sense of "this person has not engaged in this particular sexual activity" can have various sorts of meaning (positive or negative) for the individual -- but in that case, I think it's odd to imagine there only being one "form" of virginity, when there are a variety of sexual acts in which a person may or may not have engaged. So as far as what "counts" for losing virginity, I guess my response would be, "Which virginity?"

Sex, in the sense of sexual activity, involves genital contact for the purpose of producing pleasure. Sexual intercourse (PIV) is one type of sexual activity.

Re: What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

unfortunately for most of 4chan and the things lurking on gelbooru, masturbation doesn't qualify as "losing your virginity"

Had sex, consider myself a virgin *waves*

[(Anonymous)]

I had sex (mutual getting off, cunnilingus, I gave him a handjob) with my ex, but no PiV penetrative sex. I make this distinction because PiV sex wasn't something I was emotionally ready to do with him because I didn't trust him enough to be put into such a vulnerable position by him. If we'd had PiV sex or I'd given him a blowjob (same issue with trust) I wouldn't consider myself a virgin anymore.

On the other hand, if I had sex with a woman I could obviously also lose my virginity. In that case I guess it would be when I eat her out of if we used penetrative toys. I guess I define losing my virginity as given my partner my full trust.


As to what counts as sex, I'd say everything that involves bodily fluids other than saliva definitely counts. I once had a discussion with a dear friend who thought that only PiV (or at least anal) penetration counted as sex, which made for some seriously WTF?! reasoning when I asked her about lesbians (because toys apparently didn't count as sex either) before she admitted that she hadn't really thought that through.

Re: What counts as sex?

[dreemyweird]

I really don't understand why people need to make the distinction between "sex" and "non-sex". There are shades. That's why there are different words for different processes.

Really, it sounds like trying to define the concept of a "cooked pie". Is a pie cooked when it is half-baked? Can it be already cooked when it wasn't put into the oven (because some people enjoy eating it as it is)? Can it be cooked if it consists of nothing but pastry?

The main question of any classification system is "for what purpose?", and when there is no purpose, the concepts can happily stay thick.

Re: What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

I sometimes have a bit of trouble with the definition of virginity. I'm getting older to be a virgin (29) and when that crops up in conversation (which it does, weirdly) I hate having to admit it. But I was raped several years ago... I am physically not a virgin, I know, but I feel like I am, still. Somehow.

Re: What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

For me:

Sex = using some part of your body to stimulate another person's genitals (or vice versa) in a way that's intended to cause sexual pleasure.

Virgin = someone who has not had sex, using whatever definition of sex they personally hold.

I personally think it's kind of ridiculous to consider yourself a virgin while also considering yourself to have had sex but that's just me.

All that said, I think virginity as a concept is old-fashioned, outdated and no longer useful (if it ever was).

Re: What counts as sex?

[shinyhappypanic]

My definition of virginity is not having willingly engaged in an activity that constitutes as sex. So if your "first time" was rape, then I would still consider you to be a virgin.

As for sex, I would say oral sex and vaginal/anal sex count, as well as whatever handjobs count as (lol forever at my lack of knowledge). Mutual maturbation is a no imo since there's no contact, as someone else mentioned.

Re: What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

My definition of virginity is, "An archaic term most often used to positively denote the complete sexual inexperience of a woman with a man, or negatively denote the complete sexual inexperience of a man with a woman. Largely irrelevant without faith-based moral backing."

In other words, I think it's a useless word, regardless of people's particular definitions of it, and I think we'd be better off if we all instead were able to talk openly and honestly about past sexual experiences with our sexual partners, rather than having to rely on subjective wordplay to dance around the subject out of fear or embarrassment.

(Though if you're interested, my previous definition, before I discarded the term entirely, was "loss of sexual innocence," and as a teenager, before I'd actually had sex, I would qualify my virginity as "only physically," simply because it was difficult to justify calling myself a virgin, with all that entails, when I'd seen/read/drawn that much porn.)

Re: What counts as sex?

[(Anonymous)]

For sex, I think that everything m/m do and f/f do w/each other is sex (barring masturbating in front of each other due to no physical contact w/each other during the masturbation). I think whatever these couples do mean they're no longer a virgin barring mutual masturbation.

For m/f sex, I, for some reason, divide it in my mind: there's oral sex (bj and cunnilingus), sex (PiV sex), anal sex, and masturbation in front of each other. Unless you say sex w/the qualifers (oral, anal, etc.) I assume PiV sex. For m/f couples, virginity means to me that they've had PiV or anal sex. If it's just oral sex or masturbation, they're still virgins, but experienced virgins.

Also, virgin means to me that they've not done it (whatever the act is) before. I.e., for ex., if a woman (or man) has had PiV sex, but not anal sex, she's (or he's) an anal sex virgin b/c they've never done it, but they're not a sex virgin so the traditional concept of virginity no longer applies. So, I think you can be a sex act virgin--someone who has never experienced the act before is a virgin virgin. I also think you should tell your partner this so they don't go wrong, hurt, etc.

Yeah, idk either.

Re: What counts as sex?

[darkmanifest]

Every time I try to define virginity, I find it so useless and impossible that I just go with "If you say you're a virgin, you're a virgin, all that matters is if there's a likelihood of pregnancy or disease in whatever it is you've been doing with another human being".

Re: What counts as sex?

[insanenoodlyguy]

If somebody had an orgasm and there were two people involved and something got penetrated, it's close enough to sex unless you want to use virgin in the purely technical sense.

Re: What counts as sex?

[cbrachyrhynchos]

Head, shoulders, knees and toes,
knees and toes!
Head, shoulders, knees and toes,
knees and toes.
Eyes and ears and mouth and nose.
Head, shoulders, knees and toes,
knees and toes.