fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2337 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2337 ⌋

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This is kind of ironic considering yesterday's topic on trans* people.

Anyway, so I've been partnering up with this guy for class and we get along fine. He's cute and he's funny, and I have considered him a dating potential once or twice (but tossed the idea away 'cause I wanted to focus on studies).

Anyway, he asked me out this morning...along with the confession that he's FTM, post partial-op. (According to him, he still has a vagina, though he's getting surgery for that in the fall).

I don't really know how I feel about this. On one hand I do like him, though not romantically (yet). And I obviously didn't realize he was a trans man. I always figured he was just a little on the feminine side.

I'm just trying to figure out if it would work. I don't want to say yes and realize that I actually can't get over the fact that his sex is female. That would just hurt the both of us. On the other hand, I don't want to possibly miss out on something great because he really is rather awesome.

How should I approach this? You've probably realized, but I'm a heterosexual woman. A bit bi-curious, but I've never really experimented so I can't say for sure if I'd be interested in female parts outside of porn.

Has anyone here experienced something similar?

Hmm... I can't say I've experienced the SAME kind of thing, but there's the whole thing where I'm asexual and my partner identified as bisexual when we met, and so there had to be a LOT of discussion before we could figure out whether or not we really wanted to give a relationship a try.

And I'd give you the same advice for this situation as worked for us - openness and honesty. In all likelihood, if he's confessed he's FTM, then it's not like he doesn't already know it might be a complicating factor. There's no shame in saying that yes, it is a complicating factor, and being honest about being uncertain that it could work out in the end. Heck, even straight cisgendered relationships aren't guaranteed to work out, so it's not like that's an unusual outcome even when there aren't matters of gender and orientation involved. He's already willing to take the risk of asking you out and acknowledging being trans, so he apparently thinks you're worth it. So if you're interested in any capacity, you already know that much. The important thing is just making sure you both know where you each stand, I think, and working towards your answer from there.

I agree with this. He's been open and honest with you - I'd give him the same.

+1

Tell him exactly what you've said here: You like him, and he's awesome, and you have considered dating him before. That you're unsure if the sex part would work but you'd be willing to give it a try (if you are, of course).

(Indeed, even heterosexual cis relationships can fail in the bedroom despite both parts being otherwise attracted to each other. Sometimes it's just a matter of chemistry. But people can't know if they don't make an attempt.)

There's nothing wrong with not being 100% certain or comfortable about this situation. You obviously think he's a great guy, but it'll throw most anyone off if their partner has genitalia that doesn't jive with their sexual orientation. It seems like he knows this and is totally understanding.

Just be honest. Maybe suggest hanging out as friends first, and see where it goes, and let him know if you're ever comfortable for going into something romantic. Let him know to keep his options open, so that neither of you feel like you're leading him on in case it doesn't work out.

I think it's incredibly awesome and courageous of him letting you know upfront because a lot of people would probably freak the hell out at that kind of confession, and he still took the chance. I've heard a lot of stories of people confessing this to the person they're dating and it turning out really ugly for both. And at the same time, it's awesome that you're so open-minded about this in the first place. So you guys are both off to a good start. Yay!

I have a crush on a guy I love hanging out with, and have been crushing before they even told me they were ftm. No idea if they're pre-op or post-op though. Even though I'm bisexual and leaning towards women, I am certain the crush would end if he was post-op. I wouldn't know what to do for sex since I hear SRS for ftm is generally not good.

This is all theoretical though! I'm just happy enough to share his company for now.

I hear SRS for ftm is generally not good.

Hm, I think that's kind of an unfair assessment. There are different kinds of surgery, and, no, none of them will give you something that's exactly like what a cis guy has, but... idk. I guess it depends what you're defining as "good".

It's more about wondering if they're still sensitive and able to reach orgasm. I'm not actually aware of the variety of surgery available, just the notion that it's "easier to carve a hole than build a pole."

Provided the surgeon doesn't fuck up and cut through the nerves, yes he'll still be sensitive and able to reach orgasm after surgery.

Without surgery, if he is on T, he'll basically have an enlarged clit. If he is going for lower surgery, there's a variety of types available but they generally fit as some varient of metoidioplasty or phalloplasty. The former kind of 'unhooks' the clit so it rests further forward. The latter uses a flap of skin from the arm, leg, bum or abdomen to build a shaft. He can choose to either have the clit buried within the shaft or for it to remain behind it separately. Once the shaft has healed, he has the option of getting inflatable implants which can be used to make it erect. Fake testes can also be implanted.

One thing to consider is that, if he's on T (which I'm assuming he is?), his genitals won't be exactly like those of a cis woman... and certainly after surgery, they'll be even less like that (though they won't be exactly like a cis guy's either). And... yeah. There might be things he's concerned about when it comes to having sex, too, and things he'd prefer to avoid or different ways he'd prefer to do things... idk. (bluh, sorry, I'm FTM but I'm a borderline-asexual virgin so I kinda... don't know much about having sex as an FTM, haha... I'm trying to say, he might not be any more comfortable with his vagina than you are (and may even be less so) but I'm worried that might be presumptuous...)

I'd say, if you decide you're interested in him, give it an honest shot.

[ SECRET POST #2337 ]

A trans-man asked me out?

Re: A trans-man asked me out?

Re: A trans-man asked me out?

Re: A trans-man asked me out?

Re: A trans-man asked me out?

Re: A trans-man asked me out?

Re: A trans-man asked me out?

Re: A trans-man asked me out?

Re: A trans-man asked me out?

Re: A trans-man asked me out?