Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2013-06-16 03:30 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2013-06-16 03:30 pm
[ SECRET POST #2357 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2357 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 112 secrets from Secret Submission Post #336.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: holy absolute fuck
It's really not easy getting away from someone this clingy and obsessive - it's stressful and frustrating at best. You're putting a line in the sand and saying 'don't cross it' to someone who hasn't seen a line in years. But it can be done. Just make sure you and your partner are communicating and on the same page on the matter and it will work out.
If you want to apply for a restraining order, my advice is to gather all your evidence of her behaviour (and even more importantly, when you and your partner have told her this behaviour is not welcomed or okay), make a clear timeline, and talk to the police about it. Very likely, they will not do anything initially, but by reporting your concerns to them, you create a ticket in the system about this woman and her behaviour. This is your starting point.
Then, you reduce contact down to conversations that you and your partner initiate with her. Don't answer her calls or emails - filter if necessary. Neither of you are obligated to respond to her! She'll kick and scream to try and embarrass you into shushing her, but honestly, just let her go. It's similar to walking away from a five year old chucking a tantrum - when they realise that they're getting snot nosed and red faced for absolutely nothing, they will stop.
Important things to try and keep in mind if she forces a confrontation (in person or elsewhere): calm, polite, and bland is the way to go. Don't give her any ammo. It's hard to keep screaming YOU HATE ME YOU DON'T LOVE ME when the other party says 'actually, we're just really busy right now and can't talk' and then hangs up. It's SO hard to do, because calmly responding is the last thing you want to do in the face of gaslighting and concern trolling. But it WORKS, even if she does something as awful as show up to your house uninvited. It's a lot harder to argue with 'we can't have guests right now, much too busy', rinse and repeated until you've shut the door.
Finally, keep writing down what she does. Keep a good, clear list with dates and times of her bothering you. If she gets violent, makes threats, trespasses, or anything else, report it to the police along with whatever else she's been doing. Establish her negative pattern of stalking behaviour, and note the reference numbers for your case in your log. Each time, say the same thing to the police: That you're both worried for your safety around her, so is what you have already enough for a restraining order. Rinse and repeat until someone says 'yes, absolutely'.
It's completely okay to be angry about this - she sounds like an awful, controlling person, and I hope that both of you can assert your boundaries and cut her out of your life. Good luck. D: