fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2364 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2364 ⌋

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Late today, again.
So, I have questions which I wanted to ask for a while but never got to it. Regarding dating. I am not from America. In American tv shows they often ask "Are you seeing someone? Are you dating someone?". Especially Sex and the City is always about ~~sex~~dating.

My questions are:
Is dating in America regarded to be something you do before you´re in a committed relationship? Or is your date automatically your girlfriend/boyfriend? You're in a committed relationsship, do you still say you "date" this person?
Can you "date" someone and have sex without being officially together - for a 1 year or so - or is this then considered to be an affair? Can you date as many people as you want?

I hope my questions aren't too confusing, it just seems to me there's this dating culture in America and it seems different?! Or is it because of the different language? In my home country - from my experience - you meet(date?) with a person and then you say you're together, boyfriend/girlfriend = committed relationship. Or you just meet for sex = ons, affair...

(How is it in your country?)

I'm IN America, and I don't even have a firm grasp on this topic.

:(
Too bad.

I wish I could give you a straight answer but it honestly depends on the person. And it also sometimes depends on what age the person is (the younger generations often have different views and labels on their relationships than people of older generations). From just my own observations though, most people I know go on a few dates (there's not real set number) before they call someone their boyfriend or girlfriend. And once they're in a committed relationship, I don't really hear them say "I'm dating [person]" but they'll say "I'm seeing [person]" which...isn't really all that different I guess.

A lot of people will date several people at once, but once a relationship becomes "exclusive" then they will only date that one person. After a relationship is exclusive, going out with someone else is generally considered cheating.

If you are in a very casual relationship with someone, then you can date them for as long as you want without being officially together, though the majority of the people I know don't bother being with someone for that long without considering themselves a couple. Still, it's possible and people do it.

In my own opinion and how I've seen a few people do it, dating is where you go on dates with people. You can be having several dates with different people, or going on one date with one person, but whoever it is you call them your date. If you guys hit it off and decide to be in a monogamous committed relationship, then you are boyfriend/girlfriend and most would say they're with their significant other, but they've have been dating for x number of years.
Yeah you can date someone and have sex before you're actually together, it all depends on the person. You've probably seen stuff like one night stands, or friends with benefits, but it's all ok unless you are in a serious relationship with someone, then that would be an affair.

The anon above me pretty much said it all, but here's some concrete distinctions that might help:

When people go on dates, they might just be a non-anonymous one night stand, or a way to test chemistry with someone they want to potentially start a physical relationship with. They generally lack a sense of commitment, and people can have as many "friends with benefits" and "fuck buddies" as the people they're sleeping with will allow.

However, when people go on dates as a kind of courtship, it's still sort of that chemistry and compatibility check, but it's considered a commitment from the start if things go well and continue to build a relationship. At best it'd be considered really rude to sleep around while you're actually dating someone. Most people would break it off.

The first thing I mentioned doesn't come with a boyfriend/girlfriend status. The second thing tends to start off as "I'm seeing someone" and comes with boyfriend/girlfriend once things smooth out and get more serious.

Younger people tend to jump on the boyfriend/girlfriend train right away, but older teens and onward tend not to.

There really is no clear answer, though. It all invariably means something different to different people, and even someone saying they're "dating" someone can mean a number of different things.

Hope that helped a little, though.

Both. You can be dating causally without being in a committed relationship, or you can be in a relationship and dating. The 'seeing someone' comment is usually asking about a committed relationship, though it's generally a good idea to let someone know if you're just into casual dating as well.

2. Sort of. You can causally date for that long, but most of the time one party or the other is going to start doing the 'Well, where is this going?' conversation before that point. And, if you're dating casually generally you can see as many people as you want, but it's a good idea to be up front and say 'Hey, I'm only looking for something casual/I'm dating around a bit right now, so I'm going to be seeing other people too.

Affair, at least in my bit of the US, generally means that you're involved in cheating somehow [either in your own relationship, or being the "other" for someone else].

That said, that's all for my part of the US which...sometimes seems different from other parts so I'd take it with a grain of salt.

Thanks to everybody who replied, really!
It was confusing to me! Thanks for your help!

"I am seeing someone" indicates a committed relationsship it seems. Again, something learned!

As I said already, from my experiences in my home country you meet (some people also refer to the first meeting as a "first date") and depending on how well it's going, the person becomes your boyfriend/girlfriend. But I usually only considered the meetings with people I had a crush on already as a "romantic rendez-vous".

When we become a couple, then I or "we" usually tell everybody "we are together/we are a couple/he, she is my boy/girlfriend". If a person wants to know if you're free to be conquered, the person would usually ask "do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?". And if I met somebody for sex, it was...just sex.

So listening to them talking in the tv shows confused me and I wanted to know!

[ SECRET POST #2364 ]

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