fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2366 ]

[ SECRET POST #2366 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2366 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 059 secrets from Secret Submission Post #337.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My two coworkers (a guy and girl) love to talk about their sex lives at work. They're constantly telling each other explicit details about what they did the night before, and pressuring me for details about my own sex life, and then get all pissed off when I decline to talk about it.

Today as everyone was coming back from lunch they were joking about it, and the conversation ended with Girl Coworker telling Guy Coworker to "do me now!" really, really loudly. A client was in the building at the time, was offended, and I'm thinking we're probably going to lose her business. I talked to my bosses about the situation, and both coworkers are on thin ice at this point (this is on top of other stuff both of them have been doing over the past few months).

Both are pissed at me, have decided I'm just a giant prude, and have decided to freeze me out. Anytime the three of us are working on a project together, the two of them will chat about random stuff, but if I attempt to join the conversation, they'll just flat out ignore me.

Does this really make me a prude? I have zero issue with any sexual activities anyone wants to engage in provided everyone involved is a consenting adult and they're being safe about it. I've even done some pretty kinky things myself. But I don't particularly care to discuss my sex life with people I barely know (neither of them has been there very long) and even if for some reason I did, there's a time and place for that kind of conversation, and I don't think at work is it.

My initial thought was that they're being immature idiots but since there's two of them I'm wondering if it's actually me that's wrong here.

No, I don't think so. It's work - that's really not the place for that talk, particularly if you work at a place where clients are going to be showing up...pretty much because of what already happened, would happen. The fact that they tried to pressure you into joining those conversations also leaves a bit of a bad taste in my mouth, tbh.

That doesn't make you a prude at all, just a private person. They're a pair of idiots for trying to force you to participate and honestly it serves them right that they're getting in trouble for behaving unprofessionally.

No, you are not a prude. They're gross and annoying and they offended a client. They're absolutely in the wrong.

I'm like you; I don't like hearing too much detail about people's sex lives and I don't share anything about mine. I have friends that are more open about sex but when I tell them not to TMI me they apologize and stop. Getting pissy at you is definitely NOT appropriate of your coworkers.

If you'd take my word: I consider myself far, far from being a prude. And I think you're completely alright here, hon, and it's them who are being inappropiate. Y'all are at your jobs. It's not like you're meeting in a bar to talk, outside the clock.

They aren't even your friends. You have no obligation to discuss with them what you do in the bedroom: That's your business. Furthermore, they are alienating customers with their behavior. :/ It's their damn fault if they're on thin ice.

I reckon it's not nice to be left out of conversations, but do you really want to engage in small talk with these people?

Being a prude and rightfully finding your co-workers to be inappropriate children are not mutually exclusive qualities.

What the hell. That's not exactly helpful.

Don't worry OP that doesn't make you a prude. There's nothing wrong with wanting to keep your sex life private.

What is wrong with being prude? I ask because you defend OP from it as though it were an insult, which means you must think it is an insult. Why?

Some people are prude and that's okay. Some people are overtly sexual and that's okay, too.

Some people are openly sexual in inappropriate situations to people they shouldn't be that open to, and that's not okay.

Because I've never heard it used as anything but an insult. You can say someone is not overtly sexual and that's fine but I've only ever heard prude being used in a negative way.

Well, I guess if *you've* never heard it any way but negative, I guess it just must be a wholly negative phrase.

DA

I've also only heard it in a negative context. Maybe it's a regional thing but at least in my area it's widely used as an insult.

DA

It's the same in my region [The South if anyone cares to compare notes]. But I don't think it's really a regional thing since I've never heard it as anything but insulting even outside of my region/country.

So if you've never heard anyone call someone a lesbian except as an insult, that means you should treat all instances of being called gay as deep personal insults, without thinking of what "lesbian" means or that maybe the people using it as an insult are the judgey ones?

Think about it for a second. What's so terrible about being a prude, that OP needs defending from it? They can be prude. That's okay. Why are you buying into everyone else saying it's horrible?

Oh stop. Not you're just being ridiculous. You could start this bullshit with any insult. So if you've never heard anyone call someone a racial slur except as in insult that means you should treat all instances of being called a racial slur as a personal insult? MADNESS!

Unless you are honestly saying that you have used and heard "prude" as a positive non-insult use, and then I'd just really like to know where and in what kind of community you've isolated yourself in.

Seriously. I'd like to know where that person is from that the idea of it being an insult is so inconceivable to them.

nayrt (but from further upthread)

For what it's worth, Wikipedia says it's "generally considered a pejorative". Even aside from my own personal experience, I hear it used as an insult in (popular) TV shows/movies all the time. It's not like the only people using it that way are the people that the couple people who have commented in this thread know.

I don't think it's really that the OP needs "defending" from the label so much as they don't fit it. Not wanting to discuss your sex life at work, with people you don't know that well, does not make someone a prude.

You're not a prude by any stretch of the imagination just because you don't want to listen to their graphic discussions about their sex life. The workplace is not the environment for them to talk about that stuff. Many places classify it as sexual harassment for co-workers to have those kinds of discussions. And pressuring someone for details of their sex life is actually illegal in some places and employers are required to notify the police if it's happening in their business instead of handling it through their usual administrative channels.

Nope. If they want to discuss explicit details about their sex lives with each other, that's fine, but they need to be considerate enough to a) not be so loud that you can hear them, let alone a potential client, and b) not to shame you into sharing experiences that you'd rather keep private, especially with acquaintances. Report them to your manager for harassment, OP.

You are by no means a prude. Your coworkers seem to be extremely unprofessional from the way I see it. Sex is a really personal thing, and it's not something to make light conversation out of IMO. If they keep going at it, especially with teasing you about not giving them details of your sex life, know that you are within every right to go to HR for sexual harassment, that is if you work in the US.

Prudishness is judging people for their consensual sexual behavior -- neither their exhibitionism nor their pressuring you for details about your sex life are consensual, and those actions could easily be grounds for a sexual harassment claim. You're not the one in the wrong here; the people creating a hostile work environment and driving off customers are.

No, they are definitely being i mmature idiots. The workplace is not the place to discuss sexual exploits. That has nothing to do with being a prude or not, it has to do with being mature and aware enough of social boundaries. Which they are apparently not.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2366 ]

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