fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2397 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2397 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[About Death]

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02.

[John Rhys-Davies]

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03.

[Attack on Titan]

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04.

[Glee/Corey Monteith]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

05. [SPOILERS for Despicable Me 2]

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06. [SPOILERS for Ace Attorney]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

07. [WARNING for underage]

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08. [WARNING for gore, violence]

[Atonement, Wanted, Last King of Scotland, X-Men First Class]

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09. [WARNING for rape]

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10. [WARNING for death]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #342.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - ships it ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My mother just got diagnosed with lymphoma, and when she asked for a prognosis or survival rate for treatment, the answer was basically 'not great,' and she already needed a new liver because she drowned the first in vodka. I live with her and am more or less dependent on her, and feel shitty that I can't be more of a help in getting her to the doctor, or with anything else, since I'm awful at being an adult. Her car recently crapped out on her, and I can't imagine she'd be able to drive herself to and from chemo appointments anyway. I've taken her on the bus a few times, but, again, chemo's probably going to make that basically torture since it requires a lot of walking. Her only other relative lives hundreds of miles away. I'm hoping I can help her get access to a hospital shuttle or something.

Between her drinking and her depression, she's got no friends to speak of, and we're a codependent mess that lean on each other for emotional support that we're not very good at giving. On top of worrying about her, I'm panicking about myself, which makes me feel guilty for being a selfish shit. It's not as though I'll be completely without resources when she dies; hell, she's leaving me her house, even if it's disintegrating because neither of us has the money or skill to fix it. I'm one of those sad sacks that panics about making phone calls and hides when people knock at the door. I'm thirty years old, have no friends, no degree, an hourly position without benefits, no health or dental insurance, a family history of schizophrenia, and a predilection for hoarding. I don't have a driver's license, despite over a decade of trying. And I don't know if I'm ready for a crash course in being an adult. I lived through my dad's death, but I'd been acting like he was dead for years before then because he was such an asshole. I'll actually miss my mother because she's a good person.

Sorry for spamming the GC, I just needed to vent and don't even have any social media accounts to do this sort of thing on. I guess I should set one up, to have something to do other than the stuff that I have to deal with whether I want to or not. Maybe I'll even make a friend. Or maybe I'll just be shouting into the void, but at least I won't be Debbie-Downering all over this place.

I'm sorry you're going through all of this alone. Here's a hug if wanted:

I am so sorry, anon. This would be one hell of a challenge even if you didn't have anxiety issues, etc. to deal with at the same time.

If you don't mind the suggestion, you might ask your mother's doctor if they can hook you up with any local cancer/lymphona support groups. If nothing else, you'll meet people who'll be in similar situations who know what you're going through. Social media is great for many things, but in cases like this, having a friend who lives in your town can be invaluable support.

I think you might feel a bit better and would be able to be of more help to your mother if you worked on building up a support system of your own. If you're religious at all, a church might be a good idea. If not, it might be more of a challenge but it'd probably help.

I apologize if this is grim but... make sure your mother's affairs are in order in terms of DNR orders or a living will, just so she can make her wishes known on that subject. Just in case. Also in terms of her actual will, and funeral arrangements. You don't want to be struggling with those decisions when the time comes.

And lastly, be kind to yourself. These illnesses aren't just tough on the people with cancer, they're incredibly hard on the people who care for them, too. I'm so sorry, and I hope you'll come back and update us on how you're both doing.

I agree with the previous anon, especially about looking for a support group to help your mom *and* you.

Looking into some kind of hospital shuttle service is a good idea too. In the UK, there's patient transport, and a friend of mine in Canada mentioned that she can use a hospital shuttle service.

Another thing, don't give yourself a hard time on what you think you should be doing or how you think you should be. Focus on what you can do, and build on that, taking one step at a time.

::hugs if you want them, OP:: Good luck!

[ SECRET POST #2397 ]

panicking shut-in-in-training freaking out

Re: panicking shut-in-in-training freaking out

Re: panicking shut-in-in-training freaking out

Re: panicking shut-in-in-training freaking out