[ SECRET POST #2401 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2401 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 049 secrets from Secret Submission Post #343.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

The moon gleams cold and perfect, white as Carlos’ perfect teeth, though without his trademark hair. A single green cloud drifts past, obscuring its white perfection and bathing the town in a veridian haze. Welcome to Night Vale.

The City Counsel has announced that there will be no discussion of the weather anymore. For any reason. Ever. There is no weather. No rain, no snow, no blistering, blistering heat like the kind you feel should you step outside on the asphalt. It’s all a mysterious, city-wide, mass hallucination, like that time Sasquatch visited Kicky Licks, the local ice-cream parlor. We all know what happened with Sasquatch. Who was never there. Despite the fact that fifteen schoolchildren witnessed him ordering a double-scoop strawberry-mocha float. Despite the fact that Lurlene McMurty served said double-scoop strawberry-mocha float. Lurlene McMurty couldn’t stop talking about that and it took two visits from the black helicopters and a partial brain transplant before she learned her lesson.

So. Remember, citizens! THERE IS *NO* WEATHER. That cool freshness you feel on your face as it blows through the filmy curtains of your double-wide and caresses your face is no breeze, but in fact the malodorous breath of some loathsome beast that roams the Scrub Lands and Sand Wastes on appendages so hideous no mortal man could bear to behold them. Maybe they’re claws or something. Possibly tentacles. But there is NO WEATHER.

So in the future, when you need inoffensive topics of mundane conversation to have with your friends and co-workers because you have nothing interesting to say, remember that THERE IS NO WEATHER. Please confine yourself to other humdrum topics such as: A) What you had for lunch. B) The score from last night’s game, whatever sport you happen to follow. or C) The source of that mysterious, soul-torturing sound coming from the Dog Park. You know. The one the locals describe as sounding like a panicked sheep having its marrow extracted through its eyeball? Yeah, that one. Those are safe topics.

But not the weather. There is no weather. There is only the empty, barren void lit by no sun and shaded by no clouds, touched by no meteorological conditions caused by the interaction of wind, temperature, moistness, and pressure.

The moon’s still a safe topic though, folks! The City Counsel wishes you to know that they are still ALL FOR the moon! The moon that watches over us like a giant eye, lidless and unsleeping, all knowing, all seeing, penetrating you to the very moon. Gosh, that moon sure is romantic, isn’t it? I should give Carlos a call.

This has been a public service announcement from your City Counsel! Remember, don’t speak of the interaction of elements in the atmosphere outside, unless you want your flesh stripped from your very bones by mutated, rabid beetles. And let’s face it, nobody wants that! Especially not on a lovely night like this, when the weather is absolutely non-existent and the moon is glowing down with its DREAMY light.

Good night, listeners. Good night. Sleep tight. Don’t let the mutated, rabid beetles bite.

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

*applauds wildly*