Hrm... Kristen Britain and her Green Rider series is pretty good about this. Female protagonist kicking ass, but while she falls for a man she can't have (le sigh) he's neither an alpha nor a beta and from the looks of it she just straight up isn't going to get him, and while she regrets that occasionally it never takes up, like, 50 pages or anything. Maybe a handful of scattered paragraphs in the entire book series. The focus is on the action.