[ SECRET POST #2442 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2442 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 045 secrets from Secret Submission Post #349.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[vethica]

Exactly; I'd differentiate the two in that way as well. AIRT seemed to be conflating them in point 5, though, so I was wondering.

[(Anonymous)]

Point 5 is a nice, to-be-hoped for ending to the progression, if you want a relationship, if you would like to find somebody to love in that way.

This does not in any way mean that we are ruled by feelings of attraction. Just because I feel sexually attracted to a person, does not in any way, shape or form mean that I am going to jump right the hell in bed and fuck their brains out when there is a good reason not to.

Like, this person is married. This person dating someone else. This person is my boss. This person is my dentist.

Where the hell did the notion come in that people are CONTROLLED by their sexuality or sexual feelings? WTF?

[vethica]

Don't ask me, dude. I agree with you. That's why I'm confused as to why so many people seem to think sexual attraction and sexual behavior are the same thing. :\

[(Anonymous)]

I think it's because sexual attraction is usually the initial force leading to sexual behavior (I may be phrasing that badly.)

Technically, in a dying, post-apocalyptic world, asexuals might see the profound need to breed, lest the species become extinct, and find some way to behave in the most basic sexual fashion (which is, for the sake of procreation.)

But hopefully we rarely encounter scenarios where we do sexual things that we have no personal sexual motive to do, because most of those scenarios would suck out the ass for people in them.

[vethica]

Yeah, but they are two distinct things. As anon above (are you anon above?) said, you can be sexually attracted to someone and not have sex with them. You can also have sex with someone and not be sexually attracted to them (and I don't think it's as bad as all that - I know an asexual person who was in a relationship with a non-asexual, and she didn't mind having sex because it was a thing her partner enjoyed). So for all these people to characterize demisexuality as "I don't have sex with people unless I'm in ~love~ with them unlike all those other sluts" just doesn't make sense to me.

[(Anonymous)]

This person had a personal motive for sexual behavior though. Because she wanted to allow her partner a thing they enjoyed.

Having sex with someone you are not sexually attracted to sounds boring (in the most innocuous situations I can imagine) or potentially horrendous in the worst that I can imagine. It does not sound pleasurable or desirable.

[Innocuously, it would be like going to see the kind of movie you really, really don't like because your friend loves them. Sort of. Kind of. "Did you have fun? You did? Okay, that's good, then."]

The problem is, that for every five sane people who don't feel sexual attraction until they have an emotional connection, there is some asshat out there using their similar sexual experience to slut-shame people who enjoy casual sex.

That's the problem. The self-righteous asshat problem.

[vethica]

Okay, I feel you on that one. I think we're in agreement here. :)