fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2446 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2446 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

04. [WARNING for gore, blood, etc]

[How To Train Your Dragon]

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05. [WARNING for child abuse]

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06. [WARNING for rape]

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07. [WARNING for rape]

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08. [WARNING for torture]

[Fall Out Boy's "The Phoenix"]

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09. [WARNING for underage]

[pokemon conquest]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #349.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ok, so the situation is as follows:

I have not left my house in about 2 maybe 2.5 months. I've had to pop out for errands, and to sign for jobseekers (I do my jobsearch online, and have not been accepted for an interview in about 5 months) but other than those brief necessary journeys out into the open world, and with the exception of my girlfriend who spends all her free time at my house playing my Xbox, I've effectively abandoned the outside world.

This is not a problem for me. Not at all.

Today my girlfriend received a text from one of her friends. Something to the tune of "Hey, me and my boyfriend are going to an art gallery in your area tomorrow, do you and you're boyfriend want to come along?"

I did not.

There are four problems with that plan:

1. I'm happy and comfortable in my house. It is my comfort zone. I do not wish to leave it

2. While I like my girlfriends friend well enough (She really is a lovely girl) I am not a social animal. Being social involves putting a lot of time and effort into making sure people only see the likable side of you. You have to work hard to be nice, and pleasant, and generally good company. I am not naturally any of those things, and I'm always sure I'm not doing a good enough job of pretending to be. And even if I am able to do a good enough job of pretending to be normal, it's a lot of work.

3. I've never met the boyfriend, and meeting new people scares the piss out of me. All the problems of point 2, but with the added complication of needing to make a really good first impression.

4. I do not care for art galleries. I'm sure lots of people can spend perfectly a wonderful time in an art gallery with out feeling like they're wasting an afternoon as a posing as pretentious wanker, but I, sadly, am not one of them. I don't belong among the cultured. I feel like a fake at best, and an idiot at worst.

So yeah, trouble is, my girlfriend has already replied saying something like "Yeah, we'd love to come, see you then!"

Buggerfuck.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Etc?

Sacrifice those few hours for the greater good (your girlfriend). Your comfy space will be there when you return.

Well the way I see it you've got two choices here.

1. Tell your gf that you'd rather not go, and maybe ask that in the future she ask your opinion before accepting things on your behalf. She can go with the friends and have a good time, you can stay at home and have a good time.

or

2. Suck it up and go out of your house and make the best of the situation.

(Also, I'd suggest the possibility of therapy. Because you don't particularly sound happy or healthy in this situation. You sound like your isolating yourself due mainly to anxiety and low self esteem. But what the fuck do I know, you know whats best for you. Just a thought.)

Pretty much, on all counts.

People not knowing what's best for them is a pretty constant thing actually. We are all guilty of it at some point or another. But some folks do it at a concerning level instead of a humorous or head shaking one.

find things you do want to see and go see them yourself

you don't need to be a party animal to enjoy the outside world

are there nice parks near you? mountains? hills? aquariums? zoos? anything?

try to go out at least once every two weeks

maybe go out for a walk around your block (if it's safe to do so where you live) every day, just to stretch your legs, not for errands or anything

Or get out every day. This hermitage plan of yours is going to stop working eventually. Especially since you obviously don't have a job.

You might hate it, but this is the fucking world.

Sounds like a bunch of excuses to me.

By the point you have to make a list of why going outside is NOT a good idea, you're obviously trying to convince yourself more than anyone else. Man up and go to the event with your girlfriend, and get help about that social anxiety you obviously have.

You have to work hard to be nice, and pleasant, and generally good company.

No. No you don't. If you do have to "work hard" at these very basic skills, there is a lack somewhere, and you should try and address that lack, since you seem able to recognize it.

If you don't address this lack, well, then, your "pity party" is going to result in you and the GF being the crazy cat people on pogey for the rest of your lives (presumably long -- you're not far out of adolescence/your 20s, I take it). Assuming GF doesn't kick you to the curb in the meantime.

Which kind of ties in with the whole "the real world is not a 'safe space' discussion that's going on in the secrets today.

You have to work hard to be nice, and pleasant, and generally good company. I am not naturally any of those things, and I'm always sure I'm not doing a good enough job of pretending to be. And even if I am able to do a good enough job of pretending to be normal, it's a lot of work.

Wow, you sound like a real prize.

[ SECRET POST #2446 ]

My Hermitage - Rant, Self pitty party, Plea for advice, etc

Re: My Hermitage - Rant, Self pitty party, Plea for advice, etc

Re: My Hermitage - Rant, Self pitty party, Plea for advice, etc

Re: My Hermitage - Rant, Self pitty party, Plea for advice, etc

No they don't

Re: My Hermitage - Rant, Self pitty party, Plea for advice, etc

Burn your house down

Re: My Hermitage - Rant, Self pitty party, Plea for advice, etc

Re: My Hermitage - Rant, Self pitty party, Plea for advice, etc

Re: My Hermitage - Rant, Self pitty party, Plea for advice, etc