[ SECRET POST #2449 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2449 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 041 secrets from Secret Submission Post #350.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

08. http://i.imgur.com/UFJHeNJ.jpg

[ex_mek82]

This sounds so eerily like a falling out I had with an ex-friend of mine. (Except they were far more emotionally abusive/manipulative, ugh. Makes me sick just thinking about them) I know how you feel, OP.

[(Anonymous)]

It comes off to me like you're focusing on your friend's behavior, now, to try and deal with the fact that she dropped fandom and the internet to focus on things more important. To try to justify it to yourself. So it doesn't simply fall on "this is depressing, but shit happens."


That might very well not be the case, but that's how it seems.

[(Anonymous)]

huh? this sounds like a very normal shitty relationship between two people that, later, once the distance was there, became clear. that's NORMAL. that happens all the time. why does it "seem" to you that the OP is just making shit up because they're bitter? sounds like YOU'RE the bitter one if you're going to see something like this and assume the worst of the person who experienced a bad relationship.

[comma_chameleon]

To me it didn't seem like FirstAnon thought the OP was making things up, but more that they were perhaps skewing the context a little in order to make themselves feel better about being 'left behind'?

I mean, if you're close friends with someone (online or not), and they put distance between you, yes it can sometimes cause a little bitterness, whether you mean for it to or not.

It's possible the OP is looking back at all this stuff and going, "Well this wasn't concrit it was mean, so I'm glad Person A is no longer in my life."

/has no horse in this race

[(Anonymous)]

And how do you determine this?

Sounds like you have an issue.

[(Anonymous)]

MTE

[(Anonymous)]

yeah, there's no way to be sure without knowing the people, but it sounds a lot like justification.

[pantasma]

I've always found the closer you are the harder it is to see. Happened when I stopped talking to my first ex (to whom I would attach similar descriptors as you've used). It's ok, we learn and grow. And come up with really awesome comebacks.

[silverr]

Don't beat yourself up.

Look at it this way: experiencing that person's interactions and opinions made you the person you are today - a person who knows bullsht when they smell it.

Secret 8 - Fandom friendship

[transcriptanon]

[Picture is black text over a background with the texture of old, yellowed, slightly wrinkled paper or parchment.]

A few years ago we were really good fandom friends. I respected your opinion, enjoyed the discussions we had, and thought your posts about other people's fics were really insightful and/or good constructive feedback.

Then you decided to take a huge step back from fandom to concentrate on your original work and personal life and, despite our best intentions, we no longer speak...

Having this distance from you has made me realize that you're a jerk. You weren't being constructive or witty, you were being vile and rude. You seemed to think your personal taste in fics was some kind of gold standard that all authors should try to achieve and all readers should emulate. It actually got to the point that you made me feel ashamed for having the kinks I have and I would agree with you just so you wouldn't talk down to me and take me seriously.

I don't know why I didn't see this about you before and I'm embarrassed that I ever followed your lead. I wish I could take it all back and tell you to Shut The Fuck Up and Get The Fuck Out.

[(Anonymous)]

Now I wonder if we're thinking about the same person. There's someone in my fandom who is exactly like this. She's not longer very active, but once in a while she posts something and I'm reminded how once I admired her and now I see she's just a jerk.

[(Anonymous)]

I have a fandom friend who acts exactly like this. They go on rants all the time about fic cliches and kinks that they hate and pick on authors endlessly when she dislikes their fic. Maybe I've encouraged her behavior because every time she tells me about her newest object of hate, I always agree with her and say they deserved it, even though I don't always believe that. :/

[blackmare]

every time she tells me about her newest object of hate, I always agree with her and say they deserved it, even though I don't always believe that. :/

It sounds like you already know this isn't good for you, and you dislike the way it makes you feel. So ...why not stop it? You don't have to challenge her; you can choose to not respond at all, though, and you'll probably feel a lot better after doing that a while.

Then, once you feel better, you can decide if you really want to allow this person space in your life, or if you'd rather just let her drift off and be hateful somewhere else.

[elephantinegrace]

Don't regret the time you wasted, because it wasn't wasted if you learned an important lesson on what a healthy friendship isn't.

[(Anonymous)]

This happened to me as well. I look back now and wonder how I ever respected or looked up to that person.