fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2449 ]

[ SECRET POST #2449 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2449 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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And how do you try to overcome it?

Mine is that I'm a total narcissist. I have no idea how to fix this, but every time I realize how self-absorbed I'm being I try really hard to focus on my friends instead. But then I go right back to being all "me me me". I forget so many things my friends tell me and I talk about myself waaaay too much.

"I'M RIGHT AND YOU'RE WRONG".

Also, following guidelines. At my work, they'll send us daily emails with patronizing shit like "Are you passing out flyers to people??? are you walking around electronics and trying to sell them wifi hotspots when they look at laptops???" and "Happy selling!"

and don't even get me started on the stupid spiel they want us to go through when someone is ready for an upgrade and try to push 200$ insurance on them (to be fair, it isn't awful, but it's 200$!)

Not following through on things. Not even small things like plans I make with friends. That I'm good with. I had to get my ass in gear, be a more responsible person and not backslide into those habits because it was affecting my relationships with friends.

I'm not a social person at all. I keep in touch only with my family and they are the only people I really care about, because I forget all about everyone else sooner rather than later. Writing notes down (people's spouses, kids etc.) has helped me, since there's no way I'd remember those without help. I'm just not interested in people, but I've learned how to fake it a bit.

I always feel a severe combination of jealousy and contempt toward other people, even those I love most, and then I feel bad about it and take it out on myself later. What a ridiculous cycle of thought. The only way I've been able to 'correct' it is to nip the initial thoughts in the bud. Easier said than done- thoughts are slippery!

I hate being wrong. This has several consequences; such as not attempting something out of my comfort zone because I don't want to do it badly, and refusing to admit when I make a mistake.

I TRY to remember how much it annoys me when other people don't admit wrongdoing, and how much less the same offence bothers me coming from someone who them apologizes honestly than from the person who tried to bluster their way out of it.

I can be undeniably jealous and bitter about shit. I get bitter about how other people are able to have stuff I can't get- whether it's a job or a car or items.
I even get bitter at my friends who are all well-off, and they'll have new cars and when they got a job it wasn't necessary to be in close distance because they had that car that their parents paid for.
So yeah, extremely bitter.

I'm kind of a critical know-it-all, and I'm not always the most tactful person ever.

It's less something one "overcomes" and more something one works around. So I just try to figure out when I should keep my big mouth shut. :P

I'm so lazy that the thought of putting in any kind of effort is repulsive to me. I despair over the future because I know I'll have to work for a living -- and no matter what the job is, working involves doing things. Even if it's something I want to do (such as eating), I get annoyed that I have to actually do it (such as by getting up and walking to where the food is). And if it's someone else asking me to do something, no matter how small, I get really irritated.

I don't know if I can ever overcome this immense hatred of effort. In fact, I honestly find it difficult to wrap my head around someone not feeling the same way, despite knowing I'm in a microscopic minority.

Is it possible you have some sort of medical condition? It could be depression or something similar, or even something as minor as anemia could make you feel this way... not saying its not possible that that's just the way you're built, and if so I'm sorry about that, but if you lack the energy to want to do even things like eating, you might want to talk to a doctor.

I wish it were so simple, but it's not a problem with energy. I'm not too tired to do things. I'm just too goddamn lazy. I hate the idea of working or putting in effort. In a perfect world, I'd have everything I want without me having to do a thing about it. I don't think that's a physical thing...just a huge personality flaw.

DA
I think I know where you're coming from, I was just about to post here about my own immense laziness, and I don't think it's a "personality". Personality is still chemistry, and I've felt the difference from taking vitamin supplements, getting more sun, and taking antidepressants. Low energy doesn't always feel like being tired, it just feels like everything is too much effort. The more you make things a habit (which is hard and I'm terrible at) the less "effort" they take, too.

Jesus, that's me. It's gotten a million times worse since my mother died. It's like I hate doing anything (including making food, getting dressed, doing the most minor schoolwork). I just don't want to DO anything.

I'm really judgemental and like to gossip. Which is unfortunate because I'm in an area of study where everyone is on display to be judged by everyone else all the time, and everyone is always up for analyzing everyone else's successes and failures. So it's hard to just decide to not buy into that shit any more, because it doesn't help you in any way to participate, but I'm trying.

I don't think I know how to be busy. I am so used to wasting time, the idea of having a whole work week of "productivity" like my friends or parents, scares me. I kind of hope that getting a real job will help me get over this, but I'm failing pretty hard at treating job hunting like a job.

Total foot in mouth disease. I seriously have no brain to mouth filter, and sometimes when something comes out, I'm just like, "Oh FFS did I really just say that?"

And people tell me 'think before you speak!' but it's not a matter of thinking/not thinking, I literally do NOT even process that I've had that thought before it pops out of my mouth.

Like saying, "It wasn't that bad of a movie." when finding out Cory Montieth's last tweet was about watching Sharknado. :x

As soon as it comes out I want to punch myself in the face, because I know that if I had the ability to edit myself, I wouldn't have said it, because it's NOT appropriate.

I think that's why I prefer emails and texts to phonecalls. Much easier to delete a sentence than to take back spoken words.

I'm a pragmatist, and kind of suck at empathy. I tend to base my opinions on issues more on what makes sense to me than on how anyone else feels about them. As you may imagine, sometimes this works out well for getting along with people and sometimes...not so much.

All I've ever really been able to do about it is learn when not to say what I'm really thinking. I absolutely fail at changing my mind to please other people when I'm firmly convinced that they're wrong.

It might not be my biggest flaw, but it's my biggest fandom-related flaw.

I can take criticism, but I can't dish it out. Even when I think something is utter shit I just remember how many people think things I think are utter shit are ~amazing~ and I don't feel I can objectively say, for example "this dialogue is stilted" when I can think of popular authors who write stilted dialogue that people just can't get enough of.

When asked for concrit I end up correcting grammatical errors, mostly, but otherwise only point out the positive.

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[ SECRET POST #2449 ]

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