fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2458 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2458 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Aneurin Barnard playing Richard III in The White Queen]

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03.

[Leverage]

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04.

[Pokemon]

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05.

[Discworld]

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06.

[legend of korra]

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07.

[The Young Protectors]

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08.

[Animal Crossing]

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09.

[Men in Black]

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10.

[The Rivers of London]

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11.

[Teen Wolf]

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12.

[Welcome to Night Vale]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 026 secrets from Secret Submission Post #351.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, I'm going to go. I won't like it, but it'll be better than the shit I'd get if I don't go. He'd throw a fit if I tried to bring someone else because that would be that much less attention that's on him, but...I'll deal.

Haha the whole part about being a decent human being would just piss him off and cause even more drama. I'm hoping that with me actually showing up to dinner he won't say anything but if he does I'm just going to point out that I can't be sick and be around people with immune issues and that my boss wouldn't let me come in anyway, and leave it at that. It would just be so much easier if he was capable of behaving like an actual adult.

That is so much bullshit. Just, everything sucks for you and it shouldn't have to. Why do you even keep him in your life? Anyway, I'm sorry for your predicament anon.

Edited 2013-09-26 05:49 (UTC)

Thanks. I don't even know why he's still in my life, honestly. Or I do, I guess, but it makes no sense. There are so many times he's done something awful and I've said "that's it, I'm done with him" vowed to quit speaking to him and my parents have guilted me into not doing it. My mom says that they can't celebrate every holiday and birthday twice just because we can't get along, which on one hand I understand but I feel like that's kind of unfair because I've made every effort to get along with him, he's the one that makes it difficult. And he treats my mom the same way (not so much my dad, though) as he does me so I'd think she'd understand but apparently she doesn't and just...it's so frustrating. We're basically complete opposites in every way and he gives me so much shit about it. I don't drink and am probably asexual, and he's constantly giving me shit about how I need to start drinking and find a boyfriend and I just...ugh. I hate being around him.

Your parents sound like enablers. They also sound like they've taken a side, his side. What you can do is go to holidays you have to go to (For example, major holidays) but don't really talk to your brother. Don't go to small family events if he's going (Like his birthday or your birthday if they insist he comes too). Set these rules up with your parents.

Now here comes the part where I'm gonna say something and I... I honestly don't know if you should go this far. I don't know all the details of your home life and I don't know the relationship with your parents. So take this next part with a huge grain of salt and really think about if it's for you or not.

If your parents don't accept these rules then say fine, you won't be going to any family events. If they want to see you they can call you and set stuff up without your brother. Remember, if you whip this out you need to stick to your guns.

If they say you're overreacting then tell them all of the things your brother has done to hurt you, how you have no positive relationship with your brother at all, and how by not doing anything to help you they are taking his side.

In all honesty I would rather give you better advice. Advice about time changing people, and hope, and care. I want to tell you to talk to your brother about all these things and work it out with him. I want to tell you to communicate and build bridges. I want to say that any relationship can be reforged and restored.

But I can't.

I don't know everything about the relationship with your brother. I don't know how he feels. I don't think I even fully understand how you feel. I don't understand your entire family dynamics and I don't have the years of knowledge you do about your loved ones.

If you think communicating with your brother will work than I say do that first. If you think there's no chance of that ever working then I say cut him out as best you can.

I wish you the best of luck and however it goes, that it is an improvement in your life.

I feel like maybe I'm making things sound worse than they are. My parents aren't bad people, and I'm actually pretty close to them. They're basically like "yeah, we realize he's an asshole, but just ignore him". Everyone I've ever talked to about the situation has always wondered why I even care what he thinks of me and told me that if he makes some rude comment just don't pay attention to him. So I don't know if I'm overreacting or what.

My last birthday I did tell my parents I didn't want him there and they were fine with it and the three of us went to dinner without him, so I guess that's a good sign at least?

Communicating and trying to fix things unfortunately doesn't work. I've tried several times (once he realized what I wanted to discuss he'd say "I don't want to talk about it" and get up and leave the room) so I finally gave up. The last time was several years ago though so I suppose it's possible he's changed at least a little since then...maybe I should give it another try. My mom is convinced that he's just immature but eventually he'll grow up and stop being an asshole...I think that's why it bothers her when I say I want to quit being around him, because she thinks if I just be patient he'll eventually come to his senses and everything will be fine. I kind of doubt it, but maybe I'm just being pessimistic and she's right.

I don't know, maybe I'm being overly negative and I should give him the benefit of the doubt instead of just automatically assuming that's he going to be an asshole every time I'm around him. I mean, if history is any indicator, he probably will be, but maybe I should try to be more positive.

Anyway, I'm sorry for dragging this out so much and bothering you...thank you for listening to (or reading I guess) my ranting. :)

You care because he's your brother and it's hard not to care even if the person wasn't related to you.

As far as communicating, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes people change and sometimes they don't. It really all relies on him. He won't change if he doesn't want to. He will if he does. (You're parents still sound like enablers. He's a grown man. He shouldn't have to "grow up or out" of anything. He should have it beat by now.)

I can't tell you if you're being overly pessimistic or not. I really can't. I don't know. That's something you have to think hard about for yourself.

You're not bothering me. I'm the one who replied to you. If I didn't want to get into it I wouldn't have posted. And you're welcome. I really do wish you good luck.

Thanks.

I just got back from dinner and it actually wasn't bad at all. I haven't seen him in several months, and he was actually the most decent he's been in years. Hopefully things will get better! :)

That sounds great. I'm glad it went well. Maybe this is a sign things will improve. Who knows?

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