[ SECRET POST #2464 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2464 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 031 secrets from Secret Submission Post #352.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Nonfandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

you might be able to work out the bigger problems more easily if he werent constantly annoying you with something you havent even mentioned hes doing

Re: Nonfandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

Wouldn't it put him in a more defensive and unlikely to want to deal with me mood if in addition to the bigger problems* I also presented him with a laundry list of small things about his communication style that bug me? I'm seriously asking, because I've been holding off with the idea that it's better for me to grit my teeth here than make him feel attacked.

*It's probably important that the other issues are also me asking him to change himself for me, which I already feel guilty about. He cheated on me once, a long long time ago, and I recently realized that his very flirtatious way of talking to women makes me upset and I don't think I can keep seeing him if he doesn't change it, even though the original offense was ages ago and his flirting air has nothing to do with how he cheated. So it just would be me basically ordering him to change his style of communication because I'm overreacting again. Wouldn't that piss you off?

Re: Nonfandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

me personally? yeah all of it would, most of it because they have no trust in me that the flirting is harmless and won't go anywhere

why does him talking flirtatiously upset you if it has nothing to do with anything?

Re: Nonfandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

This is getting to the edge of how personal I want to be online, but fuck it.

When he cheated on me, he at first acted like it wasn't really his fault and he had no way of knowing that spending a lot of time around this one woman would end up with them having sex. Then, much much later, he eventually admitted that actually, he did totally know she wanted to have sex with him because he flirted with her a ton to see if she reacted like she wanted to sleep with him so he did know when he went to spend time with her that it could end up in sex, because he'd already sort of "checked the field" by flirting, at least subconsciously.

I know the flirting itself isn't the issue! He flirts with lots of women he doesn't sleep with so clearly that isn't the problem. The issue is that he slept with someone else, lied about it and pretended she was the one at fault instead of him for a long time. We're through that and I don't really think he'll cheat on me again, or at least he knows if he does than I'm not sticking around. But now when he flirts I always worry that he is subconsciously checking the field again to find out if there's someone willing to sleep with him if he gets the urge to cheat again. It's not fair, and I totally know it and that's why we're working through the issue instead of me just giving an ultimatum. We're trying to find a way that we both can feel comfortable, not just one of us.

Re: Nonfandom Secrets

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt

Uh, sounds like his flirting IS part of the issue then? You seem to be painting yourself here as both really irrational about what seems to be a simple issue while at the same time getting very defensive. He cheated. Now you are having problems trusting him and are getting annoyed around him. It's all one issue and you can deal with it better if you stop caveating and deal with it.