I am genuinely astounded at the sheer volume of assholery going on here. Social anxiety is an illness, it doesn't fit in to your neat little definitions of what people *should* do or feel, and every person's experience of it is going to differ. The level of prejudice inherent in your presumptions of what is an acceptable way for someone with S.A. to behave, is unbelievable.
I *don't* suffer from social anxiety and I feel completely awkward with this money thing. If someone offers, is it rude to say no? If they just take control and pays straight off, do I ask to split or wait for them to ask? They wouldn't do it if they didn't expect to pay, and I don't want to offend them...By the time this has run through your head about 50 times, the 'appropriate time' to discuss it has passed and that makes it all 100% more awkward. And you're so wrapped up in that, you've forgotten to say thank you and that's a whole new world of worries there...
OP, I'm sorry to hear your experience meeting your friend wasn't as you'd expected, and perhaps they were just using you to get a free trip. Perhaps they're an asshole who doesn't give a toss about politeness, gratitude or decency. Based on your friendship *before* the meeting - what do you think?
Or perhaps, they suffer from SA, maybe without really knowing what it is. Struggling with what to say every time they answer the phone, leave the house. And because they were with a friend, someone they trusted, they tried to ignore that worry and just be, assuming their friend would understand if they went monosyllabic to minimise that stress because they felt safe. Like they wouldn't be judged.
But this is all supposition on my part. The only person who knows is your friend, and what you need to do OP, is ask them, tactfully and with a modicum more understanding than most of the posters on this thread have shown, what the situation is.
Wow, feel the love and tolerance in this thread....
I *don't* suffer from social anxiety and I feel completely awkward with this money thing. If someone offers, is it rude to say no? If they just take control and pays straight off, do I ask to split or wait for them to ask? They wouldn't do it if they didn't expect to pay, and I don't want to offend them...By the time this has run through your head about 50 times, the 'appropriate time' to discuss it has passed and that makes it all 100% more awkward. And you're so wrapped up in that, you've forgotten to say thank you and that's a whole new world of worries there...
OP, I'm sorry to hear your experience meeting your friend wasn't as you'd expected, and perhaps they were just using you to get a free trip. Perhaps they're an asshole who doesn't give a toss about politeness, gratitude or decency. Based on your friendship *before* the meeting - what do you think?
Or perhaps, they suffer from SA, maybe without really knowing what it is. Struggling with what to say every time they answer the phone, leave the house. And because they were with a friend, someone they trusted, they tried to ignore that worry and just be, assuming their friend would understand if they went monosyllabic to minimise that stress because they felt safe. Like they wouldn't be judged.
But this is all supposition on my part. The only person who knows is your friend, and what you need to do OP, is ask them, tactfully and with a modicum more understanding than most of the posters on this thread have shown, what the situation is.