[ SECRET POST #2466 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2466 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.



__________________________________________________



09.















Notes:

Late day at work, sorry.

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 010 secrets from Secret Submission Post #352.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - omgiknowthem ], [ 1 - troll ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

04. http://i.imgur.com/z2AA6RR.png

[mekkio]

In all seriousness, it's amazing how online personas can differ from real life ones. The shyest person can be out going online because they are alone in front of their computer without anyone around to judge them. So, I am going to give your friend the benefit of the doubt and saying, perhaps, she/he was shy the entire time? That she didn't have a good time but she had no idea how to say so.

It should ruin your friendship.

[chardmonster]

It should ruin your friendship. They are a bad friend.

:(

[fingalsanteater]

That sucks.

I would think even someone shy and uncomfortable around new people could at least manage a "thank you" or offer to split the bill. I've had some awkward dinner dates with other supremely awkward people and we manage to figure out to split a bill, or offer to make it up to other person later if we are short on money.

I totally feel you on disappointment of someone turning out to not be a great as you hoped.

[(Anonymous)]

That.... really sucks. If it's ruining your friendship (and tbh it would ruin it for me, big time), you guys might want to talk about it. Whether it ends the friendship or not.

[misty_anon]

I'd be pissed about it too, OP. Even if they were incredibly shy, they should have said thanks even if they had to say it in an email later.

[ex_mek82]

That really blows. And not even a single 'thank you'? Man... I'd feel pretty slighted if I was in your position, OP.

And tbh, I've thought of meeting some folks I've known online for a while now, but I've held off out of fear I may inadvertently end up like your "friend" there, since I'm somewhat shy/aloof myself. Still always remember to say 'thank you', tho'.

(That said, I'm really glad I've met most of my online friends/acquaintances at places like conventions, since there's lots of stuff to do)

[lynx]

I'm sorry you had such a shitty time, OP. And... you really ought to speak to this friend of yours and make known your feelings got hurt. Maybe it will break the friendship! But it will not be your loss.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh My Gosh, this happened to me.

[littlestbirds]

If this person is old enough to visit you by themselves they're old enough to know that this kind of behaviour alienates people. No matter how shy or introverted they are, they've still decided that their comfort is more important than anyone else's. I'd be angry too!

[sootyowl]

I'm sorry meeting your friend sucked so much. I hope meeting said friend hasn't soured you to meeting other online friends/making other friends.

I agree with what others said that maybe they were just shy. Still, they sound very rude as they never said thanks and expected you to pay for everything. It is understandable that you'd be upset and you shouldn't hold it against yourself if you don't want to be friends with that person anymore.

[forgottenjester]

I would have the same problem as you. Honestly, if you want you can tell them how much their attitude bothered you and communicate about it. They get to learn how they present themselves to others and how to improve their behavior. You get to air you grievances and possibly get an apology or something.

If you don't want to I would just say cut it off. This is kind of poisoning your friendship. So either you should try to fix it or stop having the friendship.

Sorry about everything. Hopefully your friend is understanding and you two can patch it up.

[al28894]

That... sucks, OP. I hope you can get through this. :(

[thene]

Okay, I can get that someone might be that level of shy...but...I cannot get that they didn't MAKE A FUCKING EFFORT. Social skills are like other skills; a lot of people do not have the natural aptitude (and some have disabilities that hamper their efforts) but you can tell when people are trying, and it's only by trying and getting experience that you are ever going to figure out how to pull the whole thing off. Saying 'thanks' and offering to cover your share of the tab is pretty basic stuff if you give half a fuck; this person does not even give one quarter of a fuck about how to treat people irl I guess.

[(Anonymous)]

The lack of the thanks is the part that really makes me go =/. Like the people above, I do agree that it sounds like she was shy, but she should have thanked you.

I do have something to add with the money part, though-- maybe she felt uncomfortable bringing it up? I'm super shy, and I've also been raised to Never Talk About Money, so I find it incredibly difficult/awkward to bring up money in any context, even if it's just, "I can pay for myself".

If someone doesn't mention it, and just pays for me, I can't bring myself to say something, even if I feel incredibly bad about them spending that money on me. But I do always, always thank them when they do pay for me. That is the absolute least I could do. So, while I can understand, to some extent, her actions, the lack of thanks is really throwing me off.

[bored_bitch]

I can't speak for your friend, but it sounds like hardcore social anxiety.

I've been in that position before (still kind of am), and it sucks. Because people will assume you're rude or just weird, regardless.

Having come from that, yes, sometimes a simple "Thank you" is really hard to do. Social interaction terrifies the socially anxious, and even a simple "thank you" can be a major slip up that you don't dare to take at the risk of fucking something up. It feels like a confrontation. Because the wrong tone, the wrong anything, can drive people away.
Hell, even freaking out and then having to explain that you're really anxious can drive people away. It's not an easy thing to deal with when our society has an expectation for absolutely everyone to handle social situations with calm and grace, or else they're "rude" or a "creepy weirdo."
Been there. Done that. Not fun.

I would maybe ask your friend about it, over the internet. Mental conditions like that aren't really something you can just go "hurr hurr get over it." Otherwise, you become the dick.


That being said, it was pretty dickish of them not to offer to pay anything.

[badass_tiger]

I think some people can be very shy and will act aloof about it, but man, not even a 'thank you'? I think you should talk to your friend and explain what she did wrong. If she was talking about how great it was afterwards, mate she didn't realise how rude she was being?

[logicbutton]

I could see all the stuff during the visit as the result of an awful, crippling social anxiety, up to and including the lack of thank-yous or offers to pay for anything. ("Is it too early to ask to split the check? What if it is? I'd look like such a fool, oh my god it would be so awkward, what is wrong with me that I can't do this simple thing... wait, she's reading it, do I do it now? But what do I say? She must think I'm such an idiot. Oh no, now what? Is it too late? Did I miss my window? What if she's mad that I'm not offering to pay? Should I say thank you for paying, or will that just make her madder because it'll sound like I assumed she would pay? Augh, better act like it's no big deal either way...") The weird part is the behavior afterward. If it were just social anxiety, they'd know exactly how badly the visit went, and either try to cut their losses by pretending it didn't happen or disappearing on you, or apologize to you with an explanation. What you're describing is just so weird.

I think you should say something. Tell them you've been a little upset since the visit, and why. You deserve an explanation, and they deserve the chance to explain themselves.

[(Anonymous)]

Man, your friend sounds like a total asshole. There's being shy, and there's being a dick, and this sounds like the latter. No matter how shy you are, you can say 'thank you' or offer to invite your host to dinner or something like that. If you want to keep that friend (I'd just stop talking to them), you should probably bring this whole thing up and ask what went wrong (and not take "it's fine" for an answer - you could mention to her that it wasn't fine for you).

[(Anonymous)]

I'd wager they're just very shy and socially awkward. A lot of people in fandom are very socially awkward in real life, and socially awkward people can forget about manners and be very quiet and withdrawn even while they're enjoying themselves a lot. I think odds are pretty good they didn't realize they were being rude at all - you might simply want to cautiously bring it up and see if they try to change.

But I get you, anon. There are two fandom friends I've visited in real life and stayed with several times, and it's kind of painfully noticeable that one of them is the nicest, most generous and generally fun-to-be-around host in the world while the other... isn't. I still love her, but sometimes she just does friendship weirdly and it hurts. I know it's just awkward social skills and she actually is really excited to hang out with me, but it still bums me out.

[dinogrrl]

I second that it's possible your friend is either introverted or possibly has social anxiety issues. The way you describe your friend, that's me...or at least, how extremely extroverted people have described me (seriously, your text is almost verbatim for what my grandparents said to me after I visited them once). If you don't know how to interpret 'introvert language', I may come across as quite rude, bored, and ungrateful, when I'm anything but. There's just been a miscommunication somewhere along the way.

If you still value this person's friendship, I'd say explain to them that you were hurt by their behavior. May turn out this was all a miscommunication. May turn out this person is indeed an ungrateful jerk. Either way, knowing is better than festering in friendship limbo.

[(Anonymous)]

*sighs* This is why I prefer to meet people when we both going to convention. I'm frigging so shy, it's painfully hard for me to talk to people unless I'm really really comfortable. Then I went to my first HP convention - granted I didn't say much, but it was so nice to be around fannish people who like the same shit as me, and even if I didn't say much the first time around, they knew I was enjoying myself. The next HP convention was much easier. Hell, the last HP convention, I actually did a fan fiction panel with some fellow fannish friends and didn't have a total melt down.

But yeah... even if the friend was shy, "please, and thank you" is always a must!!

[caffeine_buzz]

As someone who's also shy and has social anxiety issues, I can see how your friend might have just been shy, but on the other hand I would hope they could at least manage a 'thank you' and a smile. I have social interaction problems but I know it and I know how I can come off, so in your friend's situation I would be trying my best to let the other person know that it's not them, it's me and I really was having a good time. Posting like there was nothing wrong and it was a great visit afterward seems weird too (especially inviting you to come visit her -- maybe it's just me because I think I'd have problems with it, but that doesn't seem like something a person who's so shy they can't even say 'Thank you' would do).

[sachiko_san]

Since you still talk to them, why don't bring this up to them? That way you get an explanation. It could be social anxiety, you don't know, so why not ask? An answer for their behavior would probably help things.

[starphotographs]

In addition to what everyone else said, I think there are people who aren't shy or socially anxious, but who just don't do a lot of gushing. They can be having a really good time, but it doesn't show much because they don't express it really strongly. I think strangers might find it offputting, but people who are around them a lot can usually tell when they're having fun just as easily as they would everyone else.

(Personally, I have no setting between "FUCK YEAH!" and just kind of sitting there happily while people who don't know me well say "are ya booooooored? D:" every three seconds.)

Then again, they didn't say thanks, so they might just be a regular old douche. :/