[ SECRET POST #2466 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2466 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Late day at work, sorry.

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 010 secrets from Secret Submission Post #352.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - omgiknowthem ], [ 1 - troll ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I agree they sound like they might have been really shy instead of bored/aloof/whatever. But the lack of "thank you"s would probably put me off, too.

[chardmonster]

I've spent a great deal of my life incredibly shy.

You always say thank you. Always. Even if that's the only thing you can say.

[lynx]

^This.

One thing is to be terribly, painfully shy, and another is to be (or appear to be) ungrateful. I think being conscious I'm looking terribly ungrateful would make me EVEN MORE SHY so if only to avoid an anxiety episode, I'd never forget to at least say "thank you".

[forgottenjester]

Yeah, I agree. I was the shy kid in class. I would mumble everything and it was really difficult for me to look at people. I hid from other kids during lunch. I spent most of my time just never talking.

But I was the politest little shit you ever met.

No one ever felt like I was rude about it either. I was clearly shy but they could always tell I was grateful.

(And the money thing just puts me out, my gosh. You don't do that. With the economy the way it is there is no excuse for pulling that kind of shit.)

[(Anonymous)]

I've always been shy, and saying thank you used to be the hardest thing for me. I'd always think hard about saying it, how I needed to say it, but I'd freeze up and get scared that it would sound stupid or even sarcastic. I was convinced I'd come off as less rude by not saying anything.

I don't even remember how, but I eventually trained myself to say thank you so automatically that now I probably overuse it a bit. But it's not always the easiest thing for even a shy person to say.

[chardmonster]

That's true. However: if the OP is hurt by these actions, they have every right to drop the hurtful fandom friend like a hot potato. Though it'd be nice if they said why so they can fix themselves.

[(Anonymous)]

I think the difference here is that the OP has done (and spent) a lot to accommodate this friend. If the friend can go to museums, dinners, movie nights, etc. then there's no reason they can't say a simple "thankyou" or even "I feel bad that you're paying so much for me, do you want me to pay for this ticket?"

[juliamon]

I am this way as well. I find it easier to say thank you to a complete stranger (eg. a waiter bringing you a glass of water) than to someone I actually know and interact with. I've spent a lot of my life trying not to speak at all out of fear of embarrassing myself, so when I visit my friend and stay with his family he has to constantly remind me under his breath to say hello and good morning and such when his family members say it to me. It's a really painful position to be in, afraid of saying something foolish, but also afraid of offending by NOT saying something.

I imagine nobody will see this since it's several days old now, but I just came back from visiting said friend and it felt really relevant. I'm really terrible at expressing happiness IRL (I like to say that I smile on the inside) so I always am afraid of being interpreted as the sort of person OP hosted even when I am genuinely enjoying myself.

[(Anonymous)]

...You know, I can't remember if I said thank you the one time I visited a fandom friend [probably did. I always have people bitching that I'm too polite] - but I can't really say I should have that time since it lead to hearing a lot of insults towards me and my family the whole time. : /

[(Anonymous)]

Wow that sucks. I'm sorry.*offers hugs*

[darkmanifest]

Yes. There's a million things I do wrong, or neurotically worry about doing wrong, when it comes to interacting with people, but "please" and "thank you" have never failed me with both friends and complete strangers.