fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2466 ]

[ SECRET POST #2466 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2466 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Late day at work, sorry.

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 010 secrets from Secret Submission Post #352.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Okay people, listen up. Mental illness is rough and yeah, if you have it it can drastically alter the way you handle social situations, but here's the thing:

Nobody is responsible for your actions but YOU. And just because you find it difficult to help your behaviour doesn't mean that it doesn't have an impact on those around you. If you do something to hurt someone else due to a mental illness then you need to accept that you did wrong and caused harm to someone close to you.

If OP's friend really does have anxiety, then it's was said friend's duty to say as much before or after the fact. Yeah, having to admit your illness to people when you're not comfortable to can suck but 1) if you're comfortable enough to stay over as their house guest, you have no excuse, and 2) honestly it's in your best interests so the people around you know what to watch out for and can do what they can to make you comfortable.

Whatever the deal with their friend, OP has every right in the goddamn world to be upset over what happened, and you all have to stop projecting your own illnesses onto somebody who you don't even know in order to protect your own egos. You're not the ones whose behaviour is in question here, stop it. We do not know that OP's friend has SA, and even if they did that may justify their actions but it still doesn't make them okay.

OP, speak to your friend about this. If they're worth their goddamn salt as a person then they'll apologise and explain why they behaved in such a way, assuming they do have a good reason outside of simply being an asshole. If it turns out they do have SA or a different disorder, then personally I don't feel you should hold their actions against them any longer. However, you still retain the right to be upset over what happened, and it's entirely your right not to allow them to visit again if you're uncomfortable with the only thing they have to offer with their irl presence being a wall of silence.

tl;dr mental illness is sucky and it's true that sometimes people's behaviours are beyond their control, but that doesn't make the hurt they cause to the people around them go away. I get that everyone in this thread *means* well, but people need to stop putting the ambiguity or whether OP's friend is or isn't a person with social anxiety above the fact that you were still treated very poorly

This x1000

Wow @ YOU for calling everyone trying to give possible explanations for the OP's friends 'white knights'. Trying to give someone the benefit of the doubt and explain why they MAY have acted the way they did is not white knighting. Not everyone is claiming that they DEFINITELY have SA or other issues. But the OP's friend deserves the benefit of the doubt. EVERYONE does, when we know absolutely nothing about their side of the story. You saying that it's 'white knighting' to try to give reasons to that person implies that you seem to think they they're just a bad friend and don't deserve to be defended at all. They do.

Yes, maybe all the people saying SA or other issues are well off the mark and the OP's friend is just a bad friend. But we don't actually know that and the people telling the OP to drop them like a bad habit are significantly WORSE than the people 'white knighting' for the friend. At least the 'white knights' are trying to give the OP possible explanations and help them keep that friendship. Yes, the best way to do that is for them to talk to their friend and try and understand why they acted the way they did. Yes, the OP has the right to be upset (especially about the money thing), not everyone is saying they don't.

We've been shown no actual hard data to show that the OP's friend is an asshole and/or a bad friend. Assuming that they 100% are is dickish and intolerant of other people. A lot of people are probably jumping to the OP's friend's defense with the idea of SA or some other anxiety because the OP doesn't mention the possibility at ALL. They just say their friend was a shitty guest. Yes they were, but there may be a reason behind that. They DON'T deserve to have everyone dogpile on them and call them a shitty person just because of what the OP told us.

And yes, I'm sure a lot of people see themselves in the OP's friend. It makes their opinions, ideas, and personal experiences no less valid.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2466 ]

Wow @ all you whiteknights

Re: Wow @ all you whiteknights

Re: Wow @ all you whiteknights