Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2013-10-03 07:20 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2013-10-03 07:20 pm
[ SECRET POST #2466 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2466 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Late day at work, sorry.
Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 010 secrets from Secret Submission Post #352.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - omgiknowthem ], [ 1 - troll ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2013-10-04 08:30 pm (UTC)(link)If the details in this post were slightly different and the time frame seven years ago, I'd be asking if this had been made about me. It was my... fourth maybe?, time visiting my friends, and my depression and anxieties had all been getting worse (and have become even more so since). I'd been working a solid 40 hours a week every week prior to my vacation which had ramped up my stress and social anxiety bad to begin with, and that summer I ended up feeling very... out of place. I was overly quiet and awkward, and had difficulty getting into activities.
The two friends I was visiting were (if memory serves anyway) in the beginning stages of a romantic relationship, and we didn't have all of the same interests. We were slowly drifting apart online as well, but I hadn't realized how much until that summer. Their favorite show was one I had no interest in, and the one friend I still really, really clicked with couldn't visit that summer, and one friend's sister was away as well (she was extremely considerate of me, and would actually tell people to be quiet if she realized I had something to say but because I have anxieties about interrupting people I couldn't find a place to say it. That's IF my mind was working fast enough to even keep up with the conversation).
I was one of those people who almost never said please or thank you, too. Was. The friend I was technically 'visiting' (i.e. we were going to her house) mentioned it to me... probably the second year I was there? And I've been working on it since, but sometimes it still slips my mind. I'm not good at making things habit, even after many years, and my memory is abysmal. Sometimes people just need to be told things to realize they aren't doing them.
Anyway... Throughout the summer we'd make plans for future summers, and then my friends would slowly edit me out of them, talk about just them doing those things. There were times I'd wake up (I was sleeping in a separate room) and they'd be gone, having left to do something. They assumed I wouldn't be interested and would say no. Even if that was the case, it hurt to not be asked. Sometimes they did things I would have said yes to.
And the thing was, it's not like I wasn't having fun that summer. I was. I enjoyed myself, even if my depression and so on were screwing with me, and my friends and I weren't clicking as well as before. The board games we played, the events we went to, they were all really enjoyable, and I was looking forward to going back. But after I got home that summer, they told me that they didn't want me to come back, that I was 'too depressing'. I didn't really know how to handle that, so I stopped talking to them... I still don't know how to handle that, to be honest. It hurts less now, because the feeling of friendship has faded somewhat and it's been years since I've talked to them. But it does still hurt.
I'm... worse now, admittedly. My anxieties are worse, to the point I have panic attacks nearly every day. When my depression takes over, it really takes over and I don't leave my bed much. None of that is my friends' fault, just the natural progression of my problems.
But that... so many people would jump on the OP's friend, without having any details about why they acted the way they did while they were there... It all makes me very wary of becoming friends with people. I've been burned a lot by people not understanding that I have issues, or not believing I have them. I'm more open about my problems than most people are, too. I'll talk about it all at the drop of a hat, unless someone's uncomfortable with it.
But I know there are a LOT of people who will never let on that they're having problems, for whatever reason (anxiety, embarrassment, too personal, etc). Perhaps the OP's friend is one of them. Not saying they are, but not everyone is 'oh my god, a terrible friend!!!1!11' just because they don't act like you'd expect a normal person to act.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2013-10-05 03:32 pm (UTC)(link)Why the hell should people be more understanding of this "friend"? From the info we have, this person is an ass who treated the OP badly. Nobody has any right to do that, disorder or no disorder. If the friend does have an anxiety disorder or mental illness that is so bad it makes them incapable of offering thanks or paying their own way, then maybe they shouldn't visit other peoples' houses until they get a little more control over their illness.